10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Romance Your Soul! Part 10 of 10 Series

Romancing Yourself orchid

Chinese Orchid:  Teaches Us How to Love & Romance Ourselves!

“Rather than depending on insects or even the wind for pollination, scientists have discovered that the orchid Holcoglossum amesianum actually fertilizes itself. The orchid defies gravity to twist the male part of its flower into the necessary shape to fertilize the female one.  The orchid produces no scent or nectar. Instead, the pollen-bearing anther uncovers itself and rotates into a suitable position to insert into the stigma cavity, where fertilization takes place. This sexual relationship is so exclusive that flowers do not even transfer pollen to other flowers on the same plant.’ (wikipedia)

Why is it so important to love and romance ourselves?

We all know the cliché – it’s only a cliché because it’s true – that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.  This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first.  How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

How do we Romance Our Soul?

We often find it easier to do for others the things we rarely would do for ourselves.   We buy cards on special days like Valentine’s Day for the people we love – but how often do we write or send a loving message to ourselves?

Here are some fun, practical methods to begin practicing loving yourself:

1.  Make a list of 5 – 10 things that you would do to romance someone else.  For example, you might buy them flowers, a card, make them a nice dinner, or buy them a gift certificate at their favourite store or spa.  Then make a committment to yourself to do one of these things for yourself each week for the next few weeks until you make a habit of romancing yourself.

2.  Write a love letter to yourself:  What would you say to yourself – either your inner child or you as an adult?  It may be wise to begin writing to your inner child because we often have more love and compassion for her or him than we do for our adult selves.

3.  Choose kind and compassionate words to speak to yourself during the day.  Become aware of the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis.  How many kind statements, such as “Hey _______, I’m really proud of how you handled yourself at work today,” or “Way to go on getting to the gym today!”  do you say to yourself versus how many negative things?  Attempt to catch every negative thought or statement as you think it or say it; then state: “cancel, cancel, cancel” and then replace it with a more compassionate statement to yourself.

4.  Surround yourself with beautiful things – nothing says you love and appreciate yourself like creating a living – or work – space with uplifting or colourful accents.

5. Post a positive quotation near your computer that you can look at every day.

6. Post a picture of yourself that you really like or of one where you are smiling and having fun with friends.

7. Add a plant or vase full of fresh-cut flowers in your home.

8. Buy a diffuser with lovely smelling scents – citrus or cinnamon lifts your spirit and causes the brain to release endorphins.

9. Make a call list of friends or family that you can call at a moments notice and keep it where you can see it daily – this will remind you of people you love and who love you!

10.  Dress well – nothing says you love yourself more than caring to dress yourself in clothes that you feel really good – or sexy – or attractive – each morning (depending on your work of course!)

May this Valentine’s Day, you remember to love and romance the most important person in the world – YOU!

Next Blog Series:  Forgiving Ourselves When We Make Mistakes


How to Attract Love – Part 3 of Top 5 Expert Series

man holding a door for a woman

First of all, as I previously mentioned in Blog # 19, love is within us and flows through us at all times. We do not need to look for it.   The irony of searching for love is that the less we look for it and the more we extend it to our fellow humans, the more we attract it.

1.  If you are looking for a loving partner, the quickest way is to become a loving partner and remind yourself every day of who you are and what is loving about you.  Many times, we don’t really feel like we deserve love and so we attract people who give us just that – less than what we truly deserve.

2.  Write down or think about all the things that you love – or maybe those people closest to you – love about you.  Change your affirmation from “I am attracting a loving partner” to “I am a loving partner” or “I am love” and see what happens.

3.  Throw out your list of what you are looking for in another person and write how YOU are already those things – we probably should not ask for anything from someone else if we are not able to give it ourselves.

4.  Write a new list that includes the other person in it.  For example, instead of writing “I want someone with a good sense of humour“, write “My partner and I have fun, laugh together and get each other’s jokes.”  Include the person you want to meet in your list so that he/she also gains from the experience and will be attracted to come and join you in this wonderful, fun life of yours!  I  provide an entire list in my previous Blog # 10 Love: Self-Love Brings Every Kind of Love.

5.  I have found that sitting around in my apartment on online dating rarely brings me the partner I am looking for – sure it brings me lots of dates – but I have come to the conclusion that if I am looking for someone who loves to ski, bike, be active, is funny and intelligent, I need to close my laptop, and get there and already be enjoying and doing those things myself.

I have joined skiing clubs, biking clubs as well as Organizations such as  a Toastmasters Public Speaking group – not to meet someone – but because I love doing these things and the truth is when we are amidst the things we love and we are working from that loving and excited frequency, we will naturally attract more of the same.

If we are sitting alone in our homes on the computer trying to find love (and yes, some people have found it this way, although I suspect they are also out there in their community keeping busy at the other times) and we never go out, guess what?  We will attract that same kind of person.  I did.  I attracted someone who, although he wrote in his profile that he travelled and skiied, he failed to mention that he hadn’t done either since he was in highschool!

So who are the top 5 Experts on Attracting Love:

1.  Buddha:  “Always be mindful of the kindness and not the faults of others.”

Buddha’s words are so true.  I cannot stress enough that if you are constantly complaining (mindless) about your last date – or your last ten dates or hanging around with friends that are doing this, stop it now!  To be mindful is to be conscious of how we are speaking because it directly correlates to what we are attracting.  If we are focusing on what is wrong with us, wrong with people in general or wrong with the opposite gender, we are doing ourselves and others a disservice.  None of this – not one word of it – attracts love into our lives.

What does attract it?  Words of kindness, smiling, being positive about ourselves (even if we hate our thighs) and the world around us.  Search for and find what is beautiful and loving in the world around you.  If you have always wanted to attract a partner who brings you flowers, go out and buy freshly cut flowers for yourself.  Do for yourself everything you imagine that a partner would do for you. This sends out loving messages to you, your world and to others and it will attract love far faster than anything negative you could possibly say.  If you do have a negative experience and must vent, write a letter to that “bad date” and be done with it.  Even when you share negative feelings about the opposite gender to your friends, you are also contaminating their energy field regarding love.

2.  What Dr. Lisa Love (Best Selling Author – Attract & Keep Real Love) says of how to attract love: 

To attract love, you must be love.  It’s true, most people don’t have love in their lives, because in truth they don’t know what love is.  They confuse love for lust, infatuation, addiction, neediness, codependency, and even abuse.  No wonder “love” leads to so much suffering and pain.  But, it doesn’t have to be that way.” 

3.  What does Marianne Williamson (Author of  the bestselling books The Age of Miracles and A Return to Love) say about attracting love:
“In the realm of thought, there are two main categories: thoughts of love and thoughts of fear. Every single moment, we choose between the two. If I think with love, then I am more likely to behave lovingly and to attract love from others. If my heart is closed, I am more likely to act out of fear. Fear-based  behavior tends not to look like fear but like anger or jealousy; it elicits  reactions from others that reflect my fear and not my love.”

4.  What does Robin Mastro (an environmental designer and artist dedicated to bringing balance  and harmony into people’s lives through ancient systems of wisdom) say about attracting love:

How to strengthen your relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Right using gems and  stones. (From Making Room for Mr. Right by Robin and Michael  Mastro).  Gems That Enhance Loving Relationships :There are specific  gems and stones that balance and support loving relationships, especially  between you and Mr. Right. Some of the more common stones can be placed in the  bedroom, in a small decorative bowl or in a saucer on your nightstand by the  bed. You can create a collection of a variety of complementary stones, too.  Stones can be purchased as larger pieces for display, or they can be worn as  beads in a necklace, bracelet, or ring and kept on your Relationship Altar in  your offering tray when you are not wearing them.  Rose quartz promotes romantic love as well as self-love and  acceptance.

Read more:

5.  What does Lori Deschene (Founder of Tiny Buddha  and  Tiny Wisdom eBook Series and worked for Oprah’s Life Classsay about attracting love:

The following are a few affirmations she includes in her website where you can view all of her affirmations about a number of topics, including finding and attracting love.

1.  I know that to fill the love tank of others, I must first fill my own….Mine should be on overflow to have enough to share.

 2.  The point in sharing your life with someone isn’t to have them make your life better, but to keep you company as you do it yourself.

3. The energy we attract is what we subconsciously feel we deserve.

***Even though these five experts offer very different methods and modalities for attracting love, they all say the same thing – first you must find the love within – the energy of love within you.  Find compassion and love for yourself by not only saying loving things but doing loving things for yourself, like spending that money on the spa or for those activities you love and by helping others which sends out more vibrational love to the Universe, and will automatically begin to attract more of it to your life.  Just remember that in the beginning, it may not attract Prince/Princess Charming – it may come to you in the form of someone from the opposite gender holding the door for you or smiling at you – recognize that it is a prelude of better things and return the favour!   God bless you on your journey to love!  Be comforted to know that you have enough love within you right now to fill up your entire room – if you tap into it.

Next Blog:  Top 5 Experts on How to Lift Your Vibrational Energy Regarding Love and all your Desires) and what does Javier Bardem,  James Bond and Skyfall have to do with any of it?   

Love: What the Experts Say About It – Part 2 of Top 10 Series

In this series, I am offering people Top 5 Lists of the best sites, authors, experts on topics such as love, relationships, affirmations, prosperity, forgiveness and healing techniques such as E.F.T. and reiki.

I am currently writing about LOVE, not strictly as an emotion or something we are looking for, but how it is a form of energy that exists within is, to be aware of this wonderful energy and how to tap into it on a regular basis instead of always looking for it outside of ourselves.

 Who are some of the 5 best experts on love and what have they said about it? 

1. Jesus

2. Dali Lama

3. Mother Theresa

4.  Barbara De Angelis

5.  Dogs (well, they are God spelled backwards)

What Jesus said of love:

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? (Matthew 5:43-47)

What the Dali Lama said of love:

“The definition of love in Buddhism is: wanting others to be happy. This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance, including self-acceptance.”

What Mother Theresa said of love:

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”

What Barbara De Angelis says of love:

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a  difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give  another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”

What Dogs say about love:

“Love unconditionally and with unbridled passion!”

If you’d like to see a canine example, please click below!


Next Post: The Top Five Experts on How to Love Yourself

L.O.V.E. What is it, how do we find it and is it ALL we need? Part 2 of Top 10 Series

albert on energyAlbert Einstein

It is our beliefs, thoughts and experiences that make the answers to these questions regarding love very complicated.  Let’s simplify it:

1.  What is it?    It is a form of energy.

2.  How do we find it?  We don’t – we express it and we attract it.

3.  Is it ALL we need?  Yes.

By a dictionary definition Love is:  noun, verb (

1.  a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
Love, in fact, is not an emotion at all.
We definitely feel emotions surrounding it, but love itself is simply a form of energy vibration with its own frequency – that we are either capable of receiving from or sending out into – the world.
However, this capability of receiving or sending love depends upon our openness to it.  Think of love like a radio station with its own frequency of 101.5.  If we are tuned into 101.5 we are capable of receiving and responding to this frequency.  However, if we are tuned into 97.5 (the frustration station), we will not be able to receive or respond to 101.5.   Now this does not mean that the love station is not sending out frequencies – it simply means we are not tuned into it at the moment.
Which leads to the answer for question # 2:  How do we find it?  We do not find love.  We are love; we are able to connect to the love station at any given moment if we choose to.  Like gravity, which exists at every moment whether we are conscious of it or not, love’s frequency is constantly flowing towards us, through us and from us.  While gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth; love keeps us connected to all of humanity.
We walk around all day, every day rarely thinking about gravity; we just trust that it is there keeping us on this earth.  However, every once in awhile when we take off our shoes and plant our feet in the soft grass or the squishy sand, we do become aware of our connection to this earth.
Similarly, we walk around most days rarely thinking about love or that we are always connected to it.  Why?  Because our minds, with the constant external stimulation of our lives – traffic, people, getting where we are going, consuming, talking, paying bills – are not tuned into love’s station.  We usually wake up with our alarms tuned to that frustration station of 97.5 and never turn the channel all day long!
However, we can learn to change the station and tune into 101.5.  Surprisingly, it’s not much more difficult than raising our hand to turn the radio button or the remote control but we certainly make it more complicated.   We have to simply decide in to which frequency we are going to choose to be tuned.  It might even help today to consciously think about what radio station we are setting our alarms to…what type of station or music do we wake up to in the morning?  Is it soft and calming or is it the news with all of its graphic negative stories about what went wrong in the world yesterday or music that really doesn’t resonate with awakening?
I once counted how many times I actually changed the radio station in my car on my thirty minute route to work.  I changed it 21 times mostly because of the following reasons:  there was too much talking, too much advertising, too much negativity or simply because I didn’t like the music they were playing.  If I can take the energy and time to change my radio station 41 times in one half hour to tune into something that resonates with my spirit and makes me feel good, how much more difficult can it be to exert this same energy to change my thoughts and tune into love?
I have been consciously putting this into practice in the last month as I drive to work.  Every time I get upset at another driver, think about something someone said to me yesterday or any number of thoughts (these are our pre-programmed radio stations) that enter my mind that bring me down or cause me to feel anything less than love, I simply change my “mind” to another station.
One way is to simply counteract the thought with something positive, or to tune into a song that makes me feel better or reviewing what I have to be thankful for.  It is an amazing phenomenon that happens – I instantly begin to feel better.  Even if it’s not quite “love” that I begin to feel for my fellow drivers, at least I am more tuned into and able to respond with compassion and an honest awareness that sometimes I am not the best driver!
This is love. The action of changing our thoughts and with that being able to receive and allow more understanding or compassion to flow through us.  It does not mean that I have to love everyone.  It means that I have allowed myself to connect to the law of love (just like the law of gravity) which is always flowing through me by the way I am designed.
We are designed to love – that is why so many advertisers use puppies and babies to illicit our affection and therefore connect with their product.  When we are connected on that frequency we feel an affinity towards what we are seeing, hearing or perceiving.  Therefore, in answer to question # 2 – love is within us and flows through us at all times.  We do not need to look for it.
The irony of searching for love is that the less we look for it and the more we extend it to our fellow humans, the more we attract it.  If you are looking for a loving partner, the quickest way is to become a loving partner and remind yourself every day of who you are….perhaps change  your affirmation from “I am attracting a loving partner” to “I am a loving partner” or “I am love” and see what happens.
Question # 3:  Is love ALL all we need?  Well, of course we need food, water, shelter and warmth to survive but in essence these are the physical manifestations of love from a Universe/God that longs to provide everything we need.  If we send out love frequencies on a daily basis, we often find wonderful things in the physical world manifesting and being attracted to us.  It is much like when we smile – more times than not – it will elicit a smile from someone else.  The most wonderful thing about love is that it is contagious – and it is my hope that it will go ‘viral’ throughout this world and just as disease can spread and kill; love can spread and heal an entire society.
Decide in what form you want to be contagious in this world.  Do you want to spread  hatred, negativity and judgement or love, joy and compassion ?  Will you tune into frustration or will you tune into love?  Of course this will not happen over night, but we can begin to change little by little and so too will the world.
What I know is that when I am filled with love – even if it’s simply when I greet or get greeted at the door by my two little dogs – Francesca and Jack – that I feel good no matter what kind of day I’ve had.
I encourage you to make a list of the things that make you feel love or feel loved and make an attempt to not only simulate these experiences as much as possible for yourself, but for others and to make a conscious effort whenever a negative thought, judgement, worry or fear stomps through your mind, immediately rid yourself of it by changing your thought and frequency and tune into 101.5 – it is so much more fun than the alternative 97.5 Frustration Station…
Next Blog:  Practical exercises to raise our frequency from 97.5 to 101.5 and keep it programmed there!

Attracting Love: Part 2 of Top 5 Series

Stop Complaining

Rejoicing in Love

For the past six years I have been technically single – meaning I have dated for a few months but have not been in a long-term relationship.  Why is that?  Good question.  It isn’t because I haven’t desired it. It isn’t because I haven’t attracted a lot of people in which to date.  It’s probably a combination of a number of things.

What are the obstacles that we create for ourselves when it comes to manifesting a loving relationship?

#1:  Negative Affirmations:  

One obstacle that I created for myself is that while I was writing and saying affirmations that I wanted to find a great person to love; I spent a lot of my time commiserating with girlfriends about my awful dates – which of course, only attracted more awful dates in which to confirm my “stuck” belief that dating is not fun.  I had to change my perspective about dating and to be sure that I was affirming I wanted great dates with great people more than I was commiserating.

#2:  Negative Beliefs: 

Negative Beliefs are more difficult to change or uproot than simply changing our words.  These are sometimes deeply rooted beliefs from our childhood or from our past experiences and are often associated and tangled with emotions that are stored in our memories and in our bodies.  For example, if someone has wounded you by being unfaithful to you and you have not fully addressed it, healed from it and forgiven the person in completeness, you still have a wound that is not fully healed.  It may have scabbed over; but underneath it is still infection and we all know what happens when infection brews beneath the surface.  It can then seep into the rest of our body and create havoc in many other areas.  This is why it is imperative to be true to ourselves and face our anger or sadness around this area.  How can we believe that we will attract a partner who is faithful if we still have infection from the last hurtful experience brewing beneath the surface?  The only way is to become aware of it, talk about it with someone and work through the pain until we can ultimately and truly forgive the hurt.

# 3:  Fear:

This is similar to the previous obstacle in that a lot of fear we have originates in our childhood or past experiences where we are taught to fear certain things, whether that be love or success or prosperity. Often we are taught that if we actually do possess these things they will be taken away from us.  A too good to be true type of mentality.  Many people, when things are going really well in their lives become fearful that something bad is going to happen.  This is a normal and human response to our anxiety driven environment.  We are so used to having stress, anxiety or worry in our lives that when things alleviate and we actually find ourselves happy or at peace, there is an automatic response in our minds that something bad must be going to happen.  This in turn, gives us something to worry about and therefore reinstates the “state” in which we’ve become accustomed.  This is not a normal or natural state in that we are meant to be at peace and be happy.  We are meant to commune with nature and run through grassy fields jumping for joy. Hence, when we escape to the quiet woods or serene waters, we feel this way, if only briefly until our minds take us from our present moment of peace to an internal world of chaotic thinking.  When you find yourself happy or at peace, do not fret.  It is not that something bad is going to happen next.  It is that a part of your brain feels compelled to be stressed or worry about something and so it creates that very thing.  The best thing to do when you find this happening is to thank your mind for working so hard and then instantly begin an affirmation in response to it such as, “I am deserving of happiness and peace and all is well in my life.”  Repeat this until your mind settles down and begins to feel at peace.  Repeat as needed!

 # 4:  Unforgiveness: 

Unforgiveness is the number one reason for the things that we desire not manifesting themselves in our lives.  It is also the number one cause of illness, often because negative thinking, bitterness and gal comes from unforgiveness and left unchecked in the body, produces toxins which can manifest themselves in the form of disease such as cancer.  This is what unresolved pain and hurt from past relationships can do to our present ones.   We do not forgive for the other person as much as for ourselves. Letting people off the hook for the things they  have done – big and small – is extremely important for releasing wonderful things into our lives. As difficult as it is to forgive; it’s more difficult to live a life of mediocrity and with just enough money or not enough love.  Aren’t we asking the Universe in asking for what we desire to “forgive us our trespasses as WE forgive those who trespass against us”?  This is why it is imperative to resolve issues and forgive others; not so much for them and to let them off the hook, but  ultimately to free ourselves to fully attract safe, loving relationships in our present.

# 5:  Our Language:

Attracting what we want is a twofold effort.  We must be sure that our thoughts and beliefs match our words and that our words match our actions.  We must repeat our affirmations daily and as often as we can; but we must also be sure that the energy we give our words matches our true desire and feelings about what we perceive we will have once our desire is manifested.  For example, if you imagine that finding love will bring you happiness, joy, contentment and peace then your words to attract your mate must mirror this in their energy.  Simply, when you say, “I am deserving of a wonderful romantic life-mate or husband/wife” say it with as much joy, happiness and energy as you can muster.  It is not our words that attract what we desire so much as it is the energy we exude when we think and say them.

From “Me” to “We”:  Revising Our Love List

In addition, something that became very useful to me was not only what I thought and said but what I wrote.  Instead of writing a list of “I wants” in a partner, let us attempt to write a list that encompasses both people’s needs and desires once  we find each other.  For example, “We share in wonderful experiences and share common goals.”  This makes it less about meeting our own needs and meeting the needs of the relationship as a whole.  I have included a sample of my own revised list from “me” to “we”.

In revising my own list, I have put an intention out to the universe of what I truly want in a partner and will not settle for second best again – ever!!!!

Do Not Strive to Find Perfection; Strive to find a Perfect Mate for You

Will everything be perfect?  Of course not.  We need to recognize that we have areas of individual growth and maturity on which to work and we need to understand this is also true with respect to how we communicate and respond to each other within a relationship.  I don’t know of a perfect relationship out there; I only know of couples who are willing to work together for a mutually respectful, loving, fun, romantic relationship and ones where people give up because the other person is not perfect or has issues. I have realized a few revelations after having a long-term relationship with myself:

#1:  The adage that “There is no perfect person; only a person with whom you can live with his/her imperfections” is absolutely true.

#2:  We need to forgive the other person for their idiosyncrasies if we expect to be forgiven for ours!

#3:  Find the humour in everything you share – even your annoyances.  It is sometimes beneficial to exchange a list of things that are your pet peeves (or were in past relationships) – a kind of non-wish list that we hope the other person will respect right off the bat so that silly, unimportant issues will not cause problems between you and your partner later on.   Even though these seem like trivial items,  they represent respect and attempting to make each other’s lives a little more peaceful.  We have enough annoying things to deal with such as traffic and everyday occurrences that when we come home we would rather not deal with unnecessary annoyances from each other.

#4:  We will never find the perfect person and if we continue to expect it, we will end up perfectly single for the rest of our lives.

Of course, it is never good to settle for less than what we want or to ever tolerate abuse of any kind, but if the issues with our partner are every day issues that every other couple experiences from time to time, then we can try to work through them and move on from them.  The truth is every person we meet or date is simply a reflection of ourselves and guess what?  If we dump the person we are with, we will inevitably end up looking in the same mirror with the next person we choose until we truly face the reasons why we continue to attract these qualities in someone else.

The “Me” to “We” List for Attracting the Love You Desire:

I am so happy and grateful for my romantic relationship!

  1.  I am enjoying a wonderful, romantic, mutually exclusive, respectful, fun and emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, financially healthy and fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage, with a wonderful person.
  2. We feel an effortless and easy connection with each other.
  3. We are attracted to each other very much.
  4. We genuinely love each other.
  5. We share similar spiritual and philosophical outlooks.
  6. We feel inspired and excited by each other and by our lives together.
  7. We feel at ease and comfortable with each other.
  8. We understand and reciprocate compassion for each other.
  9. We share in wonderful conversations and common activities that we really enjoy.

10.We respect and admire each other for who we are.

11.We both love the water, share excitement about boating, water activities and owning a home and a cottage on the water.

12.We share similar dreams and goals for our lives with passion, volunteer work, and enjoying life and travelling.

13.We feel at ease and safe in our love for each other.

14.We make each other want to be better people.

15.We are proud of each other and support each other in the things in which we believe and do.

16.We make each other feel loved, beautiful, (he feels manly) wanted, sexy and we only want to be with each other.

17.We are both open-minded and open-hearted to each other, other people and the needs of our global community.

18.We feel heard and understood by each other.

19.We have fun and laugh together every single day!

20.We feel like we are each other’s soul mate.

I challenge you to revise your list if it has been primarily “I” based and change it around to encompass the things in which you desire to share with your partner – a mutually beneficial relationship that is a win-win for both of you once you find each other.  And be sure, you will find each other!