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10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: You Don’t Have to Like Your Family! Part 7 of 10

girl pulling her hair out

Does your family make you want to pull your hair out?

Well, you’re in good company.  I have rarely talked to anyone who hasn’t, at one time or another, been frustrated with their family members.

Wayne Dyer says this about family: 

Friends are God‘s way of making up for our families.”

How many of us have spent a lifetime trying to understand, get along with, make peace with, be understood by or simply communicate with our families to no avail?  How many us have been disappointed, hurt, frustrated, or completely exasperated with one family member or another?

Take it from me – I do understand. I am the youngest of seven siblings – and almost ten years younger than the ones next to me in age.  Essentially, I had the experience of growing up in a large family; and also as an only child.  With numerous personalities within one family, there will always be issues, disputes, and fights; sometimes knock-down, drag-out fights!

However, we need to look at our families differently; this has helped me a great deal.  It wasn’t until I realized that my family was less about people with whom I had to get along, have understand me or be extremely close to and much more about the spiritual and emotional work I have to do on this earth – in this physical journey.

In essence, we need to stop looking at our family members as people who should (there’s that word again – see my post on “Forget your Shoulds!”) be a certain way or understand us or be there for us.  Our family members are this:  Spiritual Bumper Cars.

Essentially, we are stuck in a perpetual game with them for this lifetime. 

Have you ever noticed the big poles to which bumper cars are attached?  There is a steering wheel within these small, colourful cars, but who are we kidding – we aren’t in control of those damn cars – not even our own!   We go along steering, trying in vain to either hit into the others or avoid them, and all the while, we really have no control at all – nor can we remove our car from the game.

Hence, this is how we need to think of our family members – especially if there is dissonance between us and them.  When we arrive on this earth, we have no control in which family we are born or what personalities the rest of them will have.  We spend almost our entire lives in this Bumper Car game with them – sometimes managing to move around them; sometimes bumping into them and having a good laugh and sometimes, we get hurt when we bump into them too hard or vice versa.

What’s the good news about looking at our family members this way?

It takes the pressure off of us to have some deep, meaningful relationship (if you do, that’s wonderful – but many do not) and we can see them more objectively as the people with whom we are meant to do our spiritual and emotional work during our journey here on earth.

In fact, I believe that we are meant to bump up, crash into and even get hurt by these people we call parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and yes, even our own children.  They are our reflections and our work.  So, now you have permission to stop longing for them to change or understand them at every moment or even having a relationship with them at all.  Of course, it is never good to hold on to grudges or resentment – this poison only hurts us – not them.  If we need to forgive them, then we must do this for us – not them.

However, the next time you visit or spend time with your family members and you can view them as if in a game with a bunch of bumper cars around you, it may take a little pressure off and even be a little more fun during the experience.

If only when they bump into us and shake us to our core, could we laugh like we do in a game of good old bumpers cars!

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You – Speak Your Truth! Part 8 of 10

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F.E.A.R: Fighting Everyone And Regretting it – How to Respond – Not React! Part 3 of Top 5 Series

Saying about reacting to hurt

F.E.A.R.    Fighting Everyone and Regretting it!  (Reactionary Response)

Many of us make decisions or react out of fear in regards to a present situation because we are triggered by a memory – either consciously or subconsciously – of a past experience where we were hurt or offended in some way.

It is similar to when we have a wound or a cut that is in the process of healing; and someone comes along and bumps into us or pokes us in that exact spot.  We react involuntarily in order to protect ourselves.  Have you ever had someone say or do something to you and you react before you even realize what you are doing and you think to yourself, ‘why did that upset me so much?’  Sometimes we are aware of why we had such a reaction; and sometimes we just know that we are really hurt or really angry.

Many times, we have emotional wounds that were never addressed – usually from our childhood as we were not in a place to speak up for ourselves; nor was it safe to cry or get angry and so we either buried these hurts or these wounds scabbed over and left an indelible mark, but we do not think we carry this pain anymore because the scab has made that area numb to any more pain.

However, when it comes to emotional pain, it will continue to be triggered over and over again until we are able to face it and overcome it.  This is why we often attract similar people or situations to our lives; our subconscious is aware of the underlying hurt and it wants to be free of it and therefore sends out vibrational messages to the universe about the pain and inevitably attracts to us the very instances we need in order to finally heal.

An example:  If we had a parent who was emotionally neglectful and we are carrying pain from this – of feeling rejected – we will continue to attract the same kind of relationships to ourselves.  This is why there is so much advice to always look within in and not without.  In essence, it is not the other person we need to change – it is ourselves.  I mention this phenomenon in greater detail in my other posts under the topic, forgiveness. 

My experience is that I attracted this kind of relationship last spring – I was frustrated and angry because I had been hurt and deceived by a good friend and refusing to deal with that pain, lo and behold, I later attracted an another individual to my life who was also frustrated and angry towards people and towards me.

In many ways, he said things to me that I was feeling towards my friend and towards myself for having been foolish enough to trust this friend. It wasn’t until I was willing to revisit the original hurt that I not only was able to forgive my friend but also had the strength to extricate myself from this new unhealthy relationship.  Thank goodness, because I am more open now to attracting and meeting someone who is healthy and loving.

What happened in the meantime however, is that hanging on to that original pain and anger since last January, I inevitably continued to attract more and more frustrating situations and people to my life.  I was bombarded in 2012 with situations that led me to be hurt, frustrated and taken advantage of.  I became reactionary to these events, instead of being able to respond in a healthy manner.  These people with whom I was angry went on with their lives; I however, found myself stuck in this perpetual well of frustration.

However, the good news is that one day in the early fall, I awoke – my subconscious I suppose shook me awake – and I was able to become free of this pattern.  How did I do it?  I have discussed in many of my posts that there is a process to getting past painful experiences and finally being free of them.  Here is a simplistic outline of this process that I have found works for me:

1.  Sit down and ask yourself when this issue began:  You may get an answer that it was in your childhood, or like me, I knew it was about a year ago.

2.  Face your true feelings:  I had to admit that I was hurt and angry with my friend.

3.  Express these feelings honestly:  I wrote an email to this person (always DRAFT your email – which is not reacting, but responding) outlining what I perceived happened and how really hurt and disappointed I was.  I would normally simply draft it, read it a few times and then delete it.  This time, however, I sent it to the person.  I would highly recommend that you write the email or letter and then wait for a few days before sending it.  You may find that simply writing it and expressing your true feelings is enough.  Sometimes, simply reading it and re-reading it and validating your own feelings can be sufficient.  If however, you feel that you need the other person to know of your hurt; or you genuinely feel this person could benefit from hearing the truth, then it will be up to you whether you choose to send it or not.  If it is a boss or employer where it could put your job or career in jeopardy, I would highly recommend you don’t send it – especially from a reactionary standpoint.  Get a second opinion – have a friend or a colleague (that you REALLY know you can trust)  read it over and ask them what they would recommend.

4.  Forgiveness:  Like most of us, I don’t always feel like forgiving; but we do this for OURSELVES, not for the other person.  The adage, “bitterness is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die” is so true.  We cannot hang onto bitterness as it only poisons ourselves; meanwhile the other person goes merrily on their way.

5.  Visualization Technique:  One way that I achieve forgiveness is through visualizaton.  I imagine a lake with a dock and a boat – the size of the boat varies depending on how angry I am at the person.  I imagine that this person (or situation) is sitting in the boat.  Now, sometimes, if I am really angry, I get in the boat and I pummel this person until there is nothing left of him/her except a little pebble.  Sound awful?  Well, I encourage you to do this if you have that much anger – remember, this is only a visualization technique and cannot hurt the other person; but it a safe way for you to express all of the frustration, anger or disappointment you are carrying.  You can also punch pillows on your bed if that seems less aggressive.

However, lying to ourselves, trying to pretend we aren’t that angry, does not do us any good.  Let’s get good and honest with ourselves.  Sometimes, I am able to simply untie the boat and send it on its merry way with that person in it (I don’t always give them paddles!).  The last time I used this technique, I simply got in the boat, picked up the pebble (what was left of this person) and threw it into the lake and I kept the boat!   There have even been times, that no matter how much I expressed my anger or beat them into a little pebble, I was still not able to push off the boat and let them “go”.

Hence, I have asked Jesus (insert Buddha or whomever you associate with a stronger ability to love) to push the boat off for me.  This may seem silly to you; but I know it has worked for me.  You have to find what works for you – you may visualize something entirely different.  However, I do believe there is something very powerful about actually visualizing the “letting go” or “sending off” or “freeing of” this particular person or situation.  In essence, we are letting off the hook for hurting us.  Another wonderful way to get to the heart of the matter and be truly free from triggers is to use E.F.T. Emotional Freedom Technique.  I have discussed this technique in my other posts and I highly recommend that you read more about it or watch a video on it on the internet to learn more about it!

Step # 6:  Rejoice – be thankful for the lessons or the revelation that this person taught you and then rejoice that you are free to move on with your life – free of the trigger and now free to attract more healthy situations to your life.  We can learn just as much from a healthy, wonderful person or relationship as we can from a negative one!

How can you be sure you have really let it go?

The next time someone similar comes into your life, you will find yourself much less attracted or  not wanting to spend time with this person; or you may simply respond to what they say or do in a more healthy manner.  Sometimes, you may have to go back again and revisit the hurt – I have had to go back to the boat and go a few more rounds with some people!   In any case, you will notice when you begin to respond and not react to similar situations.  You can pat yourself on the back and know that this particular trigger is no longer causing you the same internal F.E.A.R.

Remember:  “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

Next Post:  F.E.A.R:   False Expectations Appearing Real – How to Not Worry So Much!

Forgiveness – Letting go and Beginning Again – Part 3 of Top 5 Series

It is never easy when a door closes – whether we are the one who closes it or it is closed for us; mostly because it entails saying goodbye to something or someone in our lives that no longer serves us but we have become attached to. It does not seem to matter if it has been good for us or not.  We often have a difficult time letting go of things – things that haven’t brought us that much happiness, including an abusive relationship, bad habits or even negative emotions such as unforgiveness or bitterness.

However, the one wonderful thing about this time of year – when one is ending and a new one is just around the corner, is that we seem to want – even if it isn’t any easier – to actually let things go. In fact, we tend to almost look forward to saying goodbye to things and begin anew.  We want to let go of bad eating habits, not-so-great spending methods, extra weight, even a not-so-great relationship or in some cases, an entire year that was not at all what we had hoped for or expected.

Whatever it is that we are saying goodbye to this year, it is important to remember that once we let go of anything, our hands are free to accept and receive many other, wonderful things.   The problem is that we often perceive our open hands (or hurting heart) as signifying emptiness and we do not like this feeling very much.

Hence, we hang on to the closed-door while there is a perfectly lovely one we can walk through if we allow ourselves to do so.  So why do we struggle so much in letting go of that closed-door as illustrated in the picture above?  Understanding why we become so attached to things is crucial in being able to finally let go and put ourselves in a position to accept the new.

# 1.  Understanding our Need for Attachment:    It is very similar to a dog with his bone.  My dog Jack is enthralled with his bone that I bring home and give him – so much so that if I try to take it away from him, even if it is to give him a new bone, he fights me tooth and nail – literally.  Why?  Well, Jack’s ancestors knew that scrap bones were hard to come by – dogs got fed last and if they were lucky they were thrown a bone once in a while.  They never knew when their next bone was going to come.  Hence, they would often go find a secluded location, dig a hole and bury the bone in order to ensure that it was never taken from them.  The irony of this is that they didn’t allow themselves to really enjoy the bone in the moment and would sometimes even forget where they buried it; hence, preventing themselves from enjoying the very thing they were trying desperately to protect.

We may laugh at this example and yet, as humans, are we so different?  How many of us receive a new toy, piece of jewellery or even a wonderful smelling candle or any kind of item and instead of wearing it or using it in the present moment, we place it somewhere safe and think, “One day soon, I will bring that out and enjoy it”.   I am guilty of this myself when it comes to even simple things such as candles and bath gel.  Whenever I receive these types of gifts, instead of allowing myself to enjoy them, I will often stash them away thinking that one day when I have time to myself to have a leisurely bath, I will dig them out and enjoy them.  What most often happens is I find them a year later while I’m hiding my new stash of candles or I will find myself burning these wonderfully smelling candles when guests come over.  Why is it that we will allow ourselves to enjoy things for the benefit of other people but often sacrifice ourselves?

#2.  Identifying Things We Need to Let Go Of:  The second most important thing we need to do is to identify the things and perhaps relationships that are no longer serving us.  We need to sit down and make a list (yes, I am encouraging you to do this today – what better day than the last day of a past year?) of the things that we would like to get rid of and the things that we would rather not let go of, but know they are not healthy for us nor are they truly making us happy or serving us.  It could be a list of very important things like a relationship or simple things such as old clothes or items that we have been holding on to thinking that one day we might use them.  Begin your list and see what comes up – you may be surprised.

#3.  Negative Attachment:  Ask yourself: What is this negative attachment really doing for me? Chances are that rather than making you feel safe and joyful, you are feeling tired, anxious, unhappy about yourself and unable really to live a full life. While you may want control, this habit is making you totally out of control and making you live in hardship rather than peace. You may want love, but this relationship is making you feel unloved and if you are honest with yourself, you know it won’t change.  (Practical and Spiritual Tips for Letting Go of Unhealthy Attachments by )

#4.  Discovering Yourself in the Process:  Everything we hang on to serves us in some way.  For example, we even hang on to “stories of our lives”  which are evident when we hear ourselves say, “Oh that’s the story of my life!” or “That’s just my luck!”  or “Why does this keep happening to me?”  I wish I could tell you that you just have bad luck or these are random things that happen to you; but the truth is we create everything and everyone if our lives; so that if we have something  or someone in our lives that we find less than desirable, we have attracted them for one of two reasons.
Number 1.

We have the same need/issue/emotion within ourselves.  For example, every time I would go out dancing with my girlfriends, I seemed to attract really annoying people – the kind of guys who would grind next to me, bump into me and hit on me even though I wasn’t interested in them at all.  I used to say, “I am a freak magnet”.  And guess what?  I kept attracting them!  When I began to realize the emotion that was evoked within me – mostly frustration and sometimes anger, I began to realize that something within me was frustrated and angry.  I was perhaps still angry at an old ex but because I was no longer able to express this anger to him, I continued to attract guys I could become angry at in order to work out this unresolved feeling.

The problem with this subconscious method of working emotions out is just that – it is in our subconscious and we are truly not aware of what we are doing.  Hence, we continue the same thing over and over.  The most empowering thing we can do for ourselves when we realize we are experiencing the “same story” or “experience” over and over, is to look within (not without at this annoying person or situation) and ask ourselves, “Okay, what is the emotion that keeps coming up for me?” and then ask ourselves this, “who am I still mad at in my past?”

Number 2:

The second reason we continue to experience similar stories in our lives is that believe and speak what I spoke out: “I am a freak magnet”. As long as I believe that many guys are freaks and I am a magnet for them, I will continue to attract them. The interesting thing is that I stopped speaking this “story” over my life, worked out my anger and rarely do I ever get approached by these types of people. If I do, I recognize, “oops, I still must have a little residual anger or frustration going on within me” and begin (once I’m home from having my fun dancing of course) to work on getting it up and out of my body! How do we do this?

#5.  Unresolved Emotions:  Okay, great!  We’ve discovered feelings from the past that are still creating the same stories for us today, but how do we let go of them?  There are several, practical ways one can actually release stuck emotions and finally be free of them.  We have to find the method that is right for us but I am going to list the top five methods that I have found to work well and fairly quickly (remember that we cannot jump over, go around or evade our feelings – we must plow through them – it is the ONLY way to be truly free of them).

#1.   Reiki.  Find a reiki practitioner (one referred to you by a close friend or colleague is usually good) who can help us, not so much through talking, but through energy work in our bodies by getting to the heart of the stuck emotions and releasing them in a safe, effective manner. Many reiki masters will encourage us to do a little talking so they can get a sense of where and what we are holding onto emotions, but unlike traditional therapists, most of the work done is through energy work in our bodies.  As long as we only “talk” about our emotions, we remain in our heads.  We need to get in touch with our bodies.

#2.  E.F.T.  This stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.  It is tapping on a series of pressure points (much like acupuncture) on our upper body (head and collarbone) while saying a series of statements that are true for us regarding our emotions and then beginning to state what we want to see and feel in our lives. I will not go into a lot of detail here about E.F.T. but I have used it (you can visit E.F.T. practitioners in your community) and the great thing about it is that it is one of the easiest methods in which you can help yourself move through stuck emotions and be free.  Although you may feel silly doing it the first or second time, believe me, you will get over this resistance once you see and feel how beneficial and easy it is. There are many reputable people who can teach you and demonstrate the technique on the internet.  I have found many on YouTube that can walk you through the technique working out any number of issues.

# 3.  Exercise:  Any kind of movement whether it is traditional exercise, yoga, using a punching bag (really great for anger issues as you visualize the person or think about the situation that has angered you) or even dancing can help us to move and release stuck emotions.  Again, you have to do some research or experiment and discover what is the best form of exercise for you.  Even walking while expressing your true emotions can be powerful.  Sometimes, I walk and punch my arms out in front of me while saying to the person I am angry at, the things that I would have liked to say to their face.  The most important thing is to first be honest about your feelings and then express them.

#4.  Forgiveness:  Once you have identified the emotions and expressed them, we must be willing (not necessarily able in the moment) to forgive and let go of this person or story in our lives.  This is why I highly recommend one uses techniques such as Reiki or E.F.T. because even though we can “talk” through an issue; sometimes anger, hurt and bitterness is deeply ingrained in our bodies and these techniques will focus on our body, not just our head and our thoughts.

Unfortunately, many times, we cannot reason our way to forgiveness and letting go – we must first go straight through the emotion.  If you believe in God or a higher power such as the Divine Universe, sometimes a simple statement such as, “Please God/Universe/Divine Creator help me to forgive this person as I cannot do it on my own.  Show me or put in front of me ways in which I can reach forgiveness.”  There is something very powerful in the WILLINGNESS to forgive that helps us along the journey.  Do not worry about the “how” as something greater than ourselves, when “it” hears that we are simply WILLING to forgive and move on, will move heaven and earth to help us do this even if it’s just putting in our path a person or situation that will help us – just be open to seeing that person or situation when it appears for you as it WILL appear!

#5: Beginning Anew:  Once we have done our “work” or “exercises” to work through our emotions, the best part – the most exciting part is to begin to see all of the open doors around us.  In fact, many doors will have been open the whole time except that because we were so stuck in our old emotions – holding on to that handle of the closed-door so tightly – that we were unable to see the other open doors around us.  Begin to imagine what those doors would look like and what sign would be on them such as “New Friendships”  “New Loving Relationship” a “New Job” “New Insight” “New Invitations and opportunities for Fun”.

Whatever it is we are looking for is always right there waiting for us – we just can’t always see them which makes letting go of that closed-door so frightening.  What if there is no one else to hang out with?  What if we never meet anyone else?  What if no one else will love us?  What if that new job never comes?  and so on.  The best way to reassure ourselves that these “new doors” will open is to remind ourselves of how many doors we have already closed – or have been closed for us over the span of our lifetime and how many new doors have always opened.  The best way to see our future is to let go of the past, but we can always use it as a GPS to get where we are going and to not repeat the same stories and end up in the same location.

Now, close your eyes and see whatever doors you have been holding onto, for whatever reason finally closing.  Then, turn yourself around in your mind’s eye and imagine all the new doors that are opening for you and allow yourself to put your hands out and receive whatever they have for you.  As Adele says in her famous song, “Throw your soul through every open door”!   What a great way to live!

Happy “New” Year and blessings as you begin to forget about all those old bones that you’ve finally buried and begin to get excited about all the new ones that will be given to you.  The thing to remember is that if I, as Jack’s master, would never take away one of his old chewed bones if my intent wasn’t to give him a brand new, whole one to chew on (as I am always looking out for his best interest and I am only human), than how much more is our God/Universe/Divine Creator who is Divine Love, looking out for us?  However,  just as our Divine Creator wants to endow us with the new, he/she cannot until, like Jack, we are willing to let go of that nasty old bone!  : )

Forgivenss: Cleaning House of Un-forgiveness and Attracting Wonderful People to Our Lives – Part 2 of Top 5 Series

I have always found it easier and perhaps more enlightening to look at experiences in my life as chapters out of the story of my life  – must be the writer in me – instead of looking at them as bad, good or ugly situations.  Each experience, from beginning to end can be a learning experience and as long as we are able to look back on it and see clearly what we have learned and perhaps if the experience was not so enjoyable, what we will do differently next time, then it certainly makes it easier to forgive, let go and move on. Some things and people are easier to let go and move on from than others of course.  As William Shakespeare states in his play, Hamlet, “Nothing is good nor bad; but thinking makes it so.”

This past year has been one of the toughest in my life and I was certain that I had been cursed or had done something terribly wrong to bring about the blocks – personal and financial that came before me.  However, now that the year has essentially passed and the different chapters are coming to a close, my perspective is becoming clearer.

I have said many times that un-forgiveness can and will bring about blockages in our lives.  However, sometimes when we get caught up in a situation or with a person, it is difficult to truly get free of it and recognize that we have un-forgiveness.

I began this year in Honduras having a wonderful time; however, it was not without a few hiccups; I had a very close friend betray my trust and leave me feeling rather alone and hurt during my vacation there.  My error was never calling this person on his behaviour and in effect, I stuffed my hurt and disappointment which in time, became anger and bitterness.  Hence, I subconsciously began a chapter in my life that attracted more experiences and people to me that were either full of anger, hurt and bitterness or they brought those very emotions out in me.  It wasn’t until some of these people and situations began to dissipate in my life over the past few months and weeks that I began to see how I attracted similar situations all year long.

When I went back and re-visited the original hurt at the beginning of the year, and was honest with myself about how hurt I was and expressed this hurt to this person, I began to become free of it.  Expressing one’s hurt directly to the person who hurts us is not always required or even possible if they have passed on or moved out of our lives – but the expression of the hurt or offence must first be acknowledged – this can be in the form of a letter one never sends or a journal entry – but either way, in order to continue on the path to forgiveness, we must first allow ourselves to feel the pain or hurt.  Once this is accomplished, we can then authentically move into the chapter of forgiveness.

Thankfully, with the help of some friends, outside help and writing, journaling and expressing the hurts, disappointments and anger of the situations of the past year, I am beginning to be able to finally move on.  What I find most interesting however, is that amidst this chaotic year I actually met someone with whom I first believed offered just the support I needed to help me through what I was experiencing.  As it turns out, he was simply a mirror for me to recognize my own pain, hurt, disappointment, anger and bitterness.  At one moment, he appeared to be the most loving, generous, supportive person one could imagine; but it soon became apparent, under that “sweet, generous, supportive” exterior was someone who, when things did not go his way, demonstrated the exact opposite traits; he would become mean, stingy with his love and very critical about the exact things he had been so supportive.

This threw me for a loop every time it happened – as abusive relationships often do – they become addictive to us because these types of people vacillate between “nice” and “naughty” so quickly that we become convinced that they “really are nice people” and do not mean to be so hurtful and we want to help them be better.  However, they are exactly the opposite; they really are mean people who have stuffed their anger for so long, they have even convinced themselves that they are “really nice, great” people – they will even go so far as to tell us how “nice” and “great” they are on a continual basis.  My mother always said, “be wary of anyone who is always tooting their own horn – they are doing this to convince themselves of something they don’t truly believe about themselves”.

Once distanced from this person, I very clearly began to realize how and why I attracted him to my life during this particularly difficult chapter in my life.  I was stuffing my own frustration, anger and bitterness towards other people in my life who had actually hurt me and therefore, I attracted someone who was full of his own frustration, anger and bitterness and he used me to take his feelings out on – he often projected onto me the very things he didn’t want to believe were true about himself.

It didn’t take long, once I began to forgive the other people in my life, to realize how this person was simply a mirror to me regarding my own heart and that once I let go of the people who actually hurt me; it became easier and easier to let go of this person.  In fact, while he was useful as a mirror to me, he became redundant very quickly.  I began to realize that while he had a good job and appeared to be generous, he was one-dimensional with no real joy, passion or excitement about life.  His only interest was work and one sporting activity.  He could not introduce or offer anything new to my life because he was lacking those things in his own life.  Hence, he was not my match on any level; save for mirroring my own frustration.

Hence, as I began to forgive, he left my life very quickly and so did all feeling for him.  The attachment I felt was simply the attraction of needing to work out the original hurts in my life.  I am very grateful and glad to be able to write that I am on my path to forgiveness and wonderful things are flowing and happening in my life now that I have let go of the past year and this person who served for a time as my mirror.   I thank him for that.

Consequently, be wary of those postulating their own worth all of the time.  Why do they have to convince you of their “niceness” with their words?  Are their actions not enough?  And secondly, keep a keen eye on the purity of your own thoughts, words, actions and soul – if it is clear of bitterness and un-forgiveness, many wonderful people will be attracted into your life and those that are not so wonderful, such as this guy, will go hurriedly out of it!

Good Health: Moving from “Dis-Ease” to Living at Ease – Part 1 of Top 5 Series

 

 Our health and well-being is the most important aspect in our lives.  Why?  Because no amount of money, prosperity or possessions can replace, be traded for or buy good health.  How can we truly enjoy anything in life if we are physically unwell?  Louise L. Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life believes that every physical ailment is a psychological manifestation.  Her book outlines almost every possible illness that we can create within our own bodies, along with the root emotional cause and the affirmation which can help to alleviate it.  Of course, it is not simply our words that bring about good health, prosperity or love. It is the emotion and energy we attach to it and how often we practice self-love and positive thinking and speaking.

In order to be mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually healthy, is to first love ourselves.  We must begin to eliminate all negative self-talk and replace it with loving affirmations towards ourselves.  Positive thinking and speaking – some call this a form of mediation – has been scientifically proven to alleviate stress and negative moods and feelings, ultimately creating more serotonin and feel-good chemicals within our body.   This positive energy, in turn, can be as effective as chemotherapy or pharmaceutical drugs in that it can create positive chemical reactions in our bodies.  However, if we have spent a lifetime of producing negative alchemy within our body, then obviously it will take some time and effort regarding our affirmations to undo the harm we have – and perhaps our parents in what they taught us regarding ourselves  – created in our own bodies and ultimately in our lives.

How do we do this?

Again, major illnesses come from deep-rooted or chronic belief systems.

The Belief that Illness Brings Attention:

If we had a parent or sibling who had an illness while we were growing up and we associated being sick with receiving a lot of attention, we sometimes manifest illness or chronic illness (hypochondria) in order to get the attention we feel we need from our environment.

Chronic Stress:

Any amount of stress over time, if not released can cause toxins in our body.  These toxins accumulate very much like keeping a storage box full of anger, sadness, and unforgiveness towards others or events in life.  When we begin to free ourselves from these “stuck” emotions, we also tend to see symptoms of illnesses – as well as behaviours that can bring about illnesses such as over-eating or lack of exercise – alleviate and disappear.

Out of Ease:

When we find ourselves not at ease it often leads to some kind of “dis-ease”.  At times, we have moderate stress and it can manifest in a simple cold. We tend to recuperate at the rate at which we can reduce the stress or stimuli that is causing the issue in the first place.  However, if we look at pneumonia for example, it is caused by a buildup of infection that is “stuck” from chronic illness in our bodies.  We tend to have emotions that are “stuck” in our bodies and build up to the point where we sometimes need help from an external source to fight against it.

Over-Eating or Lack of Motivation for Exercise:

Anything regarding food and unhealthy eating usually has something to do with lack of self love and not feeling safe in our environment.  I cocooned myself during my high school years by over eating in order to protect myself from the critical environment in which I found myself.  Interestingly enough, once I finished University and moved to another country, far away from the stimuli that was causing me to cocoon, I lost forty pounds which seemed to melt off of me with no work on my part.

I also felt empowered for the first time in my life and received a lot of positive attention as I was a stranger in a foreign country.  It turned out that my belief system about myself and the critical voice that I had internalized from my childhood began to give way to a more positive, self-loving voice.  I am convinced that this helped me to heal from long-standing criticism.  It was just the beginning and while my physical appearance looked great as I began to exercise and eat much healthier, I still had a lot of internal work to do to catch up.  Eventually, however, with the help of reading many books such as Louise L. Hay’s, I began to do the internal work that was needed to restore my complete mental, emotional and physical well-being.  I have not gained the weight back in fifteen years and probably look ten years younger now than I did then.

Mirror Work:

It is important that on a daily basis we look in the mirror and remind ourselves of the love we have for ourselves.

What if we do not feel loving towards ourselves right now?

#1:  Mirror Work does get easier the more you do it, but if you are not ready to say, “__________, I love you and I believe you deserve wonderful health in your life,” then begin with, “_________, I am willing to like/love you in this moment and am beginning to believe you deserve wonderful health in your life.”  As the words get easier – and they will get easier over time – readjust them to be more positive and direct.

#2:  If you are having a really difficult time loving your adult self, take some time to peruse some old photographs when you were a child.  Choose a photo of yourself as a child that you do feel compassion or tenderness towards.  Take it out and put it in a frame or better yet, enlarge it and put it somewhere in your home that you can be reminded of that innocent child that you still have within you that desperately needs to hear from your adult-self that you love him or her.

Repeating such statements as, “I love and approve of myself” daily can begin a healing process within our bodies that can astound us.  This is not only effective in our physical health and well-being but also for our emotional and mental health as well.  If you cannot say it to yourself yet; then say it your childhood picture – to your inner child for whom you do feel love.

Affirmations:  Sample Affirmations that You Can Use

Health & Well Being

“I am 100 % healthy on a molecular, cellular structure.”

“My face and body reflect the youthful child within me!”

“I love my body and am healthy, fit and feel great.”

“I am healthy and happy at ___ (your ideal weight) pounds.”

“I have lots of energy and exercise 3 times a week!”

I challenge you to begin doing this today and healing and well-being will begin to manifest within your body and your life!  You may even wish to give love to the certain body part of area that is inflicted with the illness.  I speak over my breasts all of the time as for many years I always wished I had larger breasts.  Now, I am simply happy that I have healthy ones!