Financial Freedom: Breathe Your Way to Success! Part 3 of 5

What does breathing have to do with our financial freedom?

Everything!
If you can, for one moment, imagine that money has the same characteristics as oxygen, the analogy I am about to discuss, will be much easier to understand.
We need oxygen to live. We do not have to create it, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive oxygen is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies – from the time we take our first breath until the time we take our last – to regulate when and how much oxygen we inhale and exhale without even having to give it a second thought.

What if we could get our minds around the idea that money – in its essence – which is simply energy, just like oxygen – is exactly the same way. Our conscious minds might have a difficult time accepting that like oxygen, we do not have to create money, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is also essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive money is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies to regulate when and how much money we take in and give out without even having to give it a second thought.
Is this difficult for you to get your mind around?

Probably.
Why? Because we have been told, taught, programmed, lectured to regarding the fact that “money doesn’t grow on trees, it is not free, it needs to be created, earned, found, and worked really hard for!”
Our parents did not tell us this about oxygen or breathing because our parents knew from their experience that it was simply provided for us, no questions asked. We have an abundance of oxygen each and every day – never do we have to worry or fret about it – never have we been taught to worry or fret about it.
Imagine if this were true of money.
What if we had never been taught to worry or fret about it and we had known from the time we were born that it would be provided to us?

The only difference between those of us in abundance and those in lack is this belief. Whenever a person begins to choose to believe that money, like oxygen is their birth-right simply because they were born and given the exact same opportunities as any other human, they begin to allow and receive money easily, no questions asked.

Unfortunately, most of us – especially those of us who had parents or grandparents who grew up during the depression – were taught that money was lacking and that if we wanted to have any, we better work hard, save it, sometimes hoard it, and certainly not waste it on frivolous or fun things. This very belief is the very thing that has caused most of us to be lacking money at some point in our lives.
If we had been taught from birth that oxygen was not free and we had to work for it, we would most certainly be focusing on our breath, making sure we were breathing all the time and working hard at keeping ourselves alive. However, the entire time, our Divine Intelligence is more than happy to provide it for us, but because we insist on doing it for ourselves, It lets us.

We wouldn’t be able to do much else of course, but that’s okay, because at least we’d be alive.
Fortunately for us, our parents were not born into a world where oxygen was scarce or hard to find – one day, if we keep up with the consumeristic rat-race of producing things and having pollution as the by-product, our children or grandchildren may very well end up in a society that teaches just that: “For heaven’s sake, don’t waste oxygen by running around or playing or having fun – there’s barely enough to go around!”
This is what we’ve been directly or indirectly taught about money.
Let me ask you something: Why on earth would our loving Universal Intelligence be utterly generous when it comes to oxygen and the life-creating substance and then turn around and be stingy in other areas of our lives? It doesn’t make sense.

The Universal Intelligence does not waver in its abundance of the things we need and desire on this earth – it simply responds to our belief systems as an individual and a society. If we believe that money is hard to find; it will be. If we believe that we have to work really, really hard to earn it; it will let us do just that.
So how do we return to what we knew as babies – that everything we needed would be provided for us?
When we took our first breath we knew instantly what it was to have the life-giving gift of breath and we often take it for granted. The first thing we need to do is become aware of our breathing and demonstrate our gratitude for it – for oxygen and the ability to receive it.
30 second Breathing Exercise that could change your life:
Step # 1:  Take a deep breath in and as you breath, say: “Thank you for oxygen!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you for my ability to breathe!”

Step # 2: On the next breath, say: “Thank you for money (you can insert the word of your choice – prosperity, financial freedom, success, love)!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you my ability to receive it!”

Do this as many times as you can or become aware of your breath during the day!
Even if you are sceptical; even if you do not believe a word you’ve read, practice this exercise for 30 seconds whenever you can today and in the next few days. What have you got to lose?
What you have to gain is a great exercise in breathing which always relaxes us, slows our heart rate and sends endorphins throughout our entire system and perhaps, just like oxygen is always provided and in abundance, your financial health may begin to increase as well!

Next Post:  Financial Freedom:  Counting Our Blessings from 1-100

Financial Freedom: The GOOD news about your BAD situation! Part 1 of 5 Series

The GOOD news about your BAD situation! 

Are you in a state of discomfort in your life?  Have you been there for an extended period of time?  This could include a state of illness, debt, poverty, frustration, lack of love, failure – whatever it is, what you know for sure from your experience is that you have had enough and you want something better for yourself and your life!

This is the SECRET as to WHY we need to suffer in our lives – not because God or the Universe wants us to suffer; but because the Divine Intelligence of the Universe knows that until we are really uncomfortable with our circumstances, we will rarely – or never – desire or take action to move out of our comfort zone to better ourselves and our lives.

Ester and Jerry Hicks describe this phenomenon in their book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions in these words: “…you often see things (in your life) that you do not want.  And each time that occurs, a clarification of what you do wants erupts within you.  Occasionally the experience is so dramatic that you could clearly state, “I don’t want that! And I now understand what I want instead is…”

The Hicks go on to explain this phenomenon and its brilliance, in this manner:

“And so, whether you are consciously aware of your new expanded desire or not, desire is born out of the contrast you are living…for during that process of knowing what you do not want, the clear, expanded idea of what you prefer instead is born and your Inner Being (or the Source within you) turns its undivided attention to that new expanded idea!…The contrast that you would be living stimulates new ideas of improvement and expansion within you…the broader non-physical part of you would embrace the new ideas fully and would literally become their vibrational equivalent.”

It is this vibrational equivalent that we – or our Inner Beings – are always seeking because it knows that like attracts like.  If we are functioning on a vibrational level of poverty; our beliefs, thinking and actions will continue to create and attract more poverty.  If we undergo an experience like the one described above, we will begin to shift our beliefs, our thoughts and our actions – because we are really uncomfortable in our situation; ultimately shifting our entire vibrational energy to match what it is we do want – wealth, prosperity and success – and then ultimately begin to attract it.

Essentially, while we are comfortable in our way of thinking and acting we are not very inspired to change or become the better, more expanded version of ourselves that our Divine Intelligence knows we can be.  We literally have to experience the discomfort – and usually for an extended period of time – in order to want something new and better – a better us – a better life – in order to actually attract it and achieve it.

Disclaimer: Not all people who experience suffering or discomfort expand and go onto a higher vibrational level of success.  Some of us have to experience the same discomfort or pain a few times in our lives in order to overcome it and move beyond it.  Some never do overcome it, as they become victims to their suffering and continue all their lives to tell themselves and others the same old story of their lives.  In order to benefit from this particular secret of life we must be willing to change and we must have enough desire for a transformed existence of ourselves.

The good news is that once we make up our mind to change,  a miraculous thing begins to happen – the Universe begins to put people, ideas, books and all kinds of resources in our path to facilitate this growth.  I have seen this time and again in my life. I will be guided to go into a particular bookstore  or I will already be somewhere and I will be prompted to begin looking for something – it is usually just a quiet impression on my spirit.  Or, as what happened recently, on the way home after my car had a gas leak, I ended up walking beside a gentleman who is a manager of a spiritual store in my neighbourhood and we had a wonderful discussion about life, spirituality and making the most of bad situations.  Interestingly enough, just recently I made up my mind to explore my spirituality more, step out and make new friends and to make the best of any adversity – big or small – in my life.  Lo and behold, my car breaking down allowed me to do all three of these things at once!

What obstacles do you find yourself perpetually going up against?  What situation have you been struggling with for so long that you are SO ready to be free of?  This is your area of growth.  You cannot become greater in any area in your life – until like the Universe – you are willing to allow yourself to expand.

The irony is that we can only allow the very things we want by giving up the struggle – stop focusing on the negative or the lack in our lives.  Once we focus on the things we already have – and feel gratitude for them – then we will be going with the flow of abundance and be able to attract and allow what it is we desire.

Next Post:  How Gratitude leads to a New Attitude about Everything!

 

Money: How to Build A Relationship With It! Part 5 of 5 Series

In my first post regarding money, I used an example of writing a letter to money to simply express how we have felt about it in the past and to take command over it in our present lives.  This post is focusing on how to further develop the relationship we have with money, which includes writing a love letter to it.

Why do we need to establish or re-establish a relationship with money?

Because we attract more of what we admire and love.  If we despise money or are resentful of rich people who have money; we will most assuredly send any money coming our way, running in the other direction.  Similarly, if we criticize, think negatively or despise a person, that person will not be attracted to us; nor will they hang around long!  This is often why some people attract money, only to lose it just as fast.

What does a love letter to money look like?

Before you can write a love letter to money, you must first write an honest account (in the form of a letter or a list) of your feeling towards it.  If you have any resentment or negative beliefs or thoughts about money,  you should first write a cleansing letter to money, being honest about your feelings.  Once you write this letter – and most likely you will have many revelations about your true feelings towards it –  you will be freer to write to it from a point of appreciation and love.  I have provided an example below, but of course our letter must be individual to our own experiences and feelings towards money.

Dear money

I have always liked you since I was little; I understood what great things you could provide for me, like candy necklaces, ice cream and Dorito chips, which I loved and would win bag after bag.  I loved when my mom or dad would reward me with you by cleaning my room or giving me twenty dollars allowance each week so that I could have you to enjoy and learn how to spend and save you wisely. That was the best.  I earned you from a very young age and I learned to love buying clothes, make-up and jewellery with you.

There was a time I probably didn’t fully appreciate you because I watched my mom and dad struggle with you, and sometimes fight about you.  So now, I am asking for your forgiveness for how I have thought about you all of these years; for some of the fears and judgements and criticisms I have had about you.  I’ve had my arms open just enough to get by and so that’s the limit to which you’ve always come into my life.  Please forgive me for this, too.  I am asking for your complete and utter forgiveness and I am forgiving myself in this VERY moment regarding how I have believed, thought and behaved with and towards you.

I do love you. I love everything you represent to me in terms of financial freedom; a beautiful beach house, tree-houses to live and vacation in, mansions, cottages on the water, beautiful, sexy cars, toys, like a jet ski and boats, especially cruise boats, beautiful exotic travel, lovely dinners and exquisite wine and cheeses.

I love you and the things are you capable of giving to me and others.  I also love that you can make people so happy.  I love that you can literally change our lives.  I love this about you.  I love that you exist and I am asking that you come, full throttle into my life and transform my life as I know it NOW and also so that I can turn around and have so much that I can freely give to my family, friends and strangers who need help in this area.

I also love the idea of being a spokesperson for you and how great you are and to help thousands – millions of people build and re-build a health relationship with you.  Please come into my life in abundance as I now open my arms fully to you; as well as my heart, mind, subconscious mind, body and give and love you freely as well.  Be my companion, my helper, my supporter and guide me in all of my life’s desires and dreams NOW!

I love you and I am sorry for all the things I have held against you.  I now let all of those false beliefs, thoughts and attitudes leave me.  I am free of all of them. I am free to love you. I am free to allow you to work wonders in my life.  I am free to love you solely as you deserve to be loved.

Sincerely,

_________________

For a great resource on how to attract money, read Rhonda Byrne‘s book, The Magic.  It focuses on gratitude – the single most important thing we can express in our lives and how the amount of thanks we give for what we already have is directly proportionate to what we receive.

Next Post:  Prosperity and Success: The Top 3 Exercises to Attract it to Your Life!

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 4 of 5 Series

We Receive What we Invest in, in our Lives!

We can only receive what we can allow ourselves to receive and this is completely proportionate to what we believe, think, feel and how we act towards what it is we want to attract.

If we want to attract more money to our lives; we must first learn how to water and nurture that area, which usually requires some form of transformation or resetting our minds regarding money!

How is our mental blueprint formed?

We need to think of our minds as computers – highly advanced computers – that are programmed from the time of our conception to think, believe and ultimately make choices and take actions, based on those thoughts and beliefs. 

Essentially, our money blueprint (Ecker) is based on the program we’ve received in the past from parents, authority figures, teachers, media, culture, religious leaders, etc regarding our thoughts and attitudes towards money.  Their ways of thinking about money, became ours.

The following outline is my summary of what Harvey T. Ecker lectures about in his 6 part series on our Money Blueprint; here are the ways in which we have been programmed to think about money:

Verbal:  Phrases and messages  we heard when we were young, such as:  “Money is the root of all evil!” “You can’t be rich and spiritual” “Money can’t buy happiness!”  “We can’t afford it!”

Modeling:  What we saw when we were young –  what model or example did our parents establish for us?  Was money a source of joy or bitter arguments?  What happens to us when we see our parents or people we respect act towards money?  “Monkey see, monkey do!”  Ecker says, “humans aren’t far behind.”  We either model what our parents taught us through their example or we do the exact opposite because we are angry or in opposition to being like our parents.

Specific Incidents:  What did we experience (emotional charges)  around money, success and rich people?  We validate what we are taught in our adult lives.  For example, if we witnessed examples of conflict over money, conflict regarding money will ultimately show up in our lives.  Perhaps, we watched our parents receive money only to have it taken or lost in the form of an emergency in the family or something in the house needed to be repaired.  We grow up believing that money will go out as quickly as it comes in and we will continue to create or attract scenarios where this exact phenomenon keeps happening to us. 

How do we reset our Money Thermostat?

Ecker uses the comparison between our mental blueprint about money and a thermostat.  If the thermostat is set to maintain the house at 72 degrees  and someone comes and opens a window and lets the cold air in – no matter what, the thermostat will kick-in and drive the temperature back up to 72 degrees.  If we set the thermostat in the summer to keep us cool and it becomes very hot outside, the thermostat or central air will again kick-in to bring the temperature down and maintain it at what we have programmed it.

Ecker says this is exactly the same with our mental thermostat regarding many issues – particularly our thoughts about what we “need” in order to be comfortable or happy.  If we grew up poor or middle class, we were most likely programmed that just getting by or being able to pay our bills with some left over for entertainment is “living comfortably” and guess what?  That’s all our thermostat will ever allow us to be – comfortable, but not wealthy and not abundant.  Hence, we need to reset our internal thermostat.

How do we do this?

First we must understand that we are made up of four elements:  Spiritual, Mental, Emotional,  and Physical and whatever is going on in the M. E. and S. will manifest itself in the Physical realm.

Beliefs (Spiritual) = Thoughts (Mental) = Feelings (Emotional) = Our Actions and Our Results

Before we can begin to change our Money Thermostat, we must first learn how rich people think.  Here are some basic rules, Ecker outlines that we must follow before we do anything else:

1.  Stop judging rich people – give up the beliefs that “rich people are greedy or selfish” and simply observe and begin to appreciate how they think.  Replace our old programming with new statements:

Rich people are Cheap                   = Rich people are generous

It takes money to make money    = It takes creativity to make money

I’m too old to make a change        = I am able to learn new skills

I can’t be rich and nice                   = I am rich and a nice person

2.  Give up the victim stance and take full responsibility for our own financial situation (stop blaming the economy, others, high interest rates, our parents, etc.)

3.  Take Ownership over our lives and financial situation:  “I create my life!” vs. “life happens to me!”

4.  Stop justifying that we don’t need money, can just get by, just want to be comfortable or that money isn’t that important.

5.  What we focus on, EXPANDS, therefore focus on what’s RIGHT in our lives – not’s what wrong!

6.  Immediately, stop complaining!   Complaining = garbage magnet!

All change begins with Awareness and with new thinking comes new results!

Changing your blue print about money:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeNAGoFSqno

Next Post:  Learn how to love and appreciate money!  Part 5 of 5 Series

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 3 of 5 Series

In What Area is Money Serving You?  In What Area is it Not?

Many of us struggle with money – or lack of it – now and then.  However, we do not necessarily struggle in all areas.  This is an important detail of which to take note.  For example, perhaps we are always lucky to land the right job at the right time; but we seem to always have an issue with having enough to pay our bills.  Perhaps, we are blessed when it comes to people paying for our dinners or other things we need; but we often have breakdowns with our car or other maintenance issues.  Maybe it’s that we are extremely lucky in winning money; but the next day, we have an accident and there goes the whole lot we’ve just won.

Why does this happen?

There is a reason why, in some financial areas we seem to thrive and in others, we are barely surviving.  The discrepancy between these areas is where lies our personal growth; and ultimately, our financial growth.  Our success is dependent on getting these areas healed and in order. 

For example, if money often seems to come to us easily; but then a few days later, our car breaks down and it just happens to be exactly or close to the amount we have just “luckily” received, chances are we have a subconscious, core belief that we either do not deserve the blessing we have been given or we do not truly believe that we are lucky or fortunate or that our luck will last.

We may be in a perpetual struggle between two conflicting beliefs because our father was always stating that he had the “luck of the Irish”, but we perpetually heard our mother say, “Oh, I just can’t get a break!”

We are often fed many misleading and negative ideas regarding money and finances and sometimes we’ve heard so many conflicting beliefs, we continue to create them in our adult lives. I don’t know about you, but this can be very tiring and frustrating! 

How do we break free of these beliefs once and for all? 

Sometimes, it is as simple as recognizing them, writing them down and saying to ourselves that we no longer need these beliefs and they no longer serve us.  At other times, if they are deep-seated beliefs or there is a great deal of emotion attached to them; it may require that we seek outside help from a psycho-therapist, spiritual healer, hypnotist or any other professional that can help us get to the bottom of these core beliefs.  The other very effective technique that can release triggers and blockages is E.F.T: Emotional Freedom Tapping Technique (please refer to my series on E.F.T on my right sidebar of my blog for more information regarding it). 

Mediation is a key strategy at getting to our core beliefs, because it is in this meditative state between full consciousness and semi-sleep that we can send messages to our subconscious successfully.  Here are some key strategies to try within a meditative state:

1.  As I have mentioned in my other posts regarding this money series, watching and listening to subliminal training videos can be very helpful to begin our journey to financial freedom.

How to Think Like a Millionaire:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXPIVsDLRAM

2.  Harv T Ecker is another expert on changing our money blueprint or mindset by thinking like the rich, instead of from a poverty mentality:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeNAGoFSqno

3.  Focusing on an item that is symbolic of financial freedom can also be very helpful. I have a picture of the type of car I am intending to own in the next few months and it happens to be a car that represents for me that I am in a very lucrative financial position.  I imagine driving this particular car into my family’s driveway, right down to taking my dog cage out of the car and seeing my family coming out and greeting me to have a look at my new car.  I currently enjoy and treasure the car I am driving, but I often imagine I am driving my new car when I am behind the wheel of my current one; I even imagine how much higher I will sit in the driver’s seat.

4.  Visualizing Exercises:  These are exercises regarding forgiveness and letting go of our parents’ beliefs about money and wealth, which can be very effective.  I have visualized conversations with my parents; they are asking me for forgiveness for teaching me their limited views regarding money; and I am forgiving them and accepting from them a wonderful gift that they are happy to bestow upon me, allowing me to be physically and financially free from their home and moving towards my financially free lifestyle.

5.  The key is to meditate on or visualize things that actually bring us into a state of feeling associated with owning or having wealth.  For example, when I imagine driving my new vehicle, I can actually feel the excitement and the joy of the experience.  If repeating affirmations about being a proud owner – (I am not limiting the Universe as to how it wants to bring me this car – or speaking over myself that I have to earn the money for it) – of this vehicle registers on a scale from 1-10 at about a 6, then actually visualizing driving it and feeling the emotions attached to the experience, puts us at a level of 9-10.  This higher level is what will cause our subconscious and the Universe to respond more effectively to our request or desire.

Check Out Tony Robbins “How to Breakthrough”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc4rWleclXs

Next Post:  How to Create a New Blueprint for Our Money Consciousness. Part 4 of 5 Series.

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Romance Your Soul! Part 10 of 10 Series

Chinese Orchid:  Teaches Us How to Love & Romance Ourselves!

“Rather than depending on insects or even the wind for pollination, scientists have discovered that the orchid Holcoglossum amesianum actually fertilizes itself. The orchid defies gravity to twist the male part of its flower into the necessary shape to fertilize the female one.  The orchid produces no scent or nectar. Instead, the pollen-bearing anther uncovers itself and rotates into a suitable position to insert into the stigma cavity, where fertilization takes place. This sexual relationship is so exclusive that flowers do not even transfer pollen to other flowers on the same plant.’ (wikipedia)

Why is it so important to love and romance ourselves?

We all know the cliché – it’s only a cliché because it’s true – that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.  This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first.  How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

How do we Romance Our Soul?

We often find it easier to do for others the things we rarely would do for ourselves.   We buy cards on special days like Valentine’s Day for the people we love – but how often do we write or send a loving message to ourselves?

Here are some fun, practical methods to begin practicing loving yourself:

1.  Make a list of 5 – 10 things that you would do to romance someone else.  For example, you might buy them flowers, a card, make them a nice dinner, or buy them a gift certificate at their favourite store or spa.  Then make a committment to yourself to do one of these things for yourself each week for the next few weeks until you make a habit of romancing yourself.

2.  Write a love letter to yourself:  What would you say to yourself – either your inner child or you as an adult?  It may be wise to begin writing to your inner child because we often have more love and compassion for her or him than we do for our adult selves.

3.  Choose kind and compassionate words to speak to yourself during the day.  Become aware of the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis.  How many kind statements, such as “Hey _______, I’m really proud of how you handled yourself at work today,” or “Way to go on getting to the gym today!”  do you say to yourself versus how many negative things?  Attempt to catch every negative thought or statement as you think it or say it; then state: “cancel, cancel, cancel” and then replace it with a more compassionate statement to yourself.

4.  Surround yourself with beautiful things – nothing says you love and appreciate yourself like creating a living – or work – space with uplifting or colourful accents.

5. Post a positive quotation near your computer that you can look at every day.

6. Post a picture of yourself that you really like or of one where you are smiling and having fun with friends.

7. Add a plant or vase full of fresh-cut flowers in your home.

8. Buy a diffuser with lovely smelling scents – citrus or cinnamon lifts your spirit and causes the brain to release endorphins.

9. Make a call list of friends or family that you can call at a moments notice and keep it where you can see it daily – this will remind you of people you love and who love you!

10.  Dress well – nothing says you love yourself more than caring to dress yourself in clothes that you feel really good – or sexy – or attractive – each morning (depending on your work of course!)

May this Valentine’s Day, you remember to love and romance the most important person in the world – YOU!

Next Blog Series:  Forgiving Ourselves When We Make Mistakes

 

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: You Don’t Have to Like Your Family! Part 7 of 10

Does your family make you want to pull your hair out?

Well, you’re in good company.  I have rarely talked to anyone who hasn’t, at one time or another, been frustrated with their family members.

Wayne Dyer says this about family: 

“Friends are God‘s way of making up for our families.”

How many of us have spent a lifetime trying to understand, get along with, make peace with, be understood by or simply communicate with our families to no avail?  How many us have been disappointed, hurt, frustrated, or completely exasperated with one family member or another?

Take it from me – I do understand. I am the youngest of seven siblings – and almost ten years younger than the ones next to me in age.  Essentially, I had the experience of growing up in a large family; and also as an only child.  With numerous personalities within one family, there will always be issues, disputes, and fights; sometimes knock-down, drag-out fights!

However, we need to look at our families differently; this has helped me a great deal.  It wasn’t until I realized that my family was less about people with whom I had to get along, have understand me or be extremely close to and much more about the spiritual and emotional work I have to do on this earth – in this physical journey.

In essence, we need to stop looking at our family members as people who should (there’s that word again – see my post on “Forget your Shoulds!”) be a certain way or understand us or be there for us.  Our family members are this:  Spiritual Bumper Cars.

Essentially, we are stuck in a perpetual game with them for this lifetime. 

Have you ever noticed the big poles to which bumper cars are attached?  There is a steering wheel within these small, colourful cars, but who are we kidding – we aren’t in control of those damn cars – not even our own!   We go along steering, trying in vain to either hit into the others or avoid them, and all the while, we really have no control at all – nor can we remove our car from the game.

Hence, this is how we need to think of our family members – especially if there is dissonance between us and them.  When we arrive on this earth, we have no control in which family we are born or what personalities the rest of them will have.  We spend almost our entire lives in this Bumper Car game with them – sometimes managing to move around them; sometimes bumping into them and having a good laugh and sometimes, we get hurt when we bump into them too hard or vice versa.

What’s the good news about looking at our family members this way?

It takes the pressure off of us to have some deep, meaningful relationship (if you do, that’s wonderful – but many do not) and we can see them more objectively as the people with whom we are meant to do our spiritual and emotional work during our journey here on earth.

In fact, I believe that we are meant to bump up, crash into and even get hurt by these people we call parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and yes, even our own children.  They are our reflections and our work.  So, now you have permission to stop longing for them to change or understand them at every moment or even having a relationship with them at all.  Of course, it is never good to hold on to grudges or resentment – this poison only hurts us – not them.  If we need to forgive them, then we must do this for us – not them.

However, the next time you visit or spend time with your family members and you can view them as if in a game with a bunch of bumper cars around you, it may take a little pressure off and even be a little more fun during the experience.

If only when they bump into us and shake us to our core, could we laugh like we do in a game of good old bumpers cars!

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You – Speak Your Truth! Part 8 of 10

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Forget Your Shoulds! Part 6 of 10 Series

“You SHOULD!”

How many times have we shaken our fingers at ourselves about something we should have done, should be doing, or should do soon?  We are often “shoulding” ourselves about something; and this is not surprising as most of us could not count how many times we have been told in our past about something we should do.  We have heard it from our parents, adults, teachers, authority figures, siblings, peers in the past and perhaps even now; and more often, from ourselves.  We are carrying on a tradition that others began inside of our minds and we should stop!  Okay, this is the one should you can listen to!

For example, how many us are able to accomplish our New year’s resolutions?  Most of us are not successful because we often try to change things that are so well-established not only as a habit and part of our life-style,  but in the neuro-pathways of our mind.

One exercise that I completed in my four years of training to be a psycho-therapist was extremely helpful in  helping me begin to make changes – albeit small changes at first – in my life and getting rid of my shoulds and turning them into accomplishments.

Many of us have a long list of shoulds:

I should go to the gym

I should go on a diet

I should be more patient

I should travel more

I should save my money for travel

I should save more!  Work more!  Work less!

…and the list goes on.

For some reason, the word “should” continues to resonate in our minds as a non-committal, sit-on-the-fence mentality that rarely ever brings about action, let alone change.   Hence, we continue to tell ourselves that we should do this or we should do that; and we almost never get around to it.

The exercise to change this kind of mentality is very simple – and yet it works.  It entails making a list of our shoulds.  Then, after reading it through, we need to decide whether we WILL or we WON’T take the action.  After we decide, we need to literally cross out the word “should” and write above it (or below it) the words “I will” or “I won’t”.  For example, if you have on your list, “I should eat less” cross out the should and write what you’ve decided to do:  I will eat less or I won’t eat less.

After you’ve finished “correcting” your list, then tuck it away somewhere and leave it for a month or two months – however long you can wait.  I did this for one month and when I returned to my list – I could barely remember what I had written on it – I had accomplished all but one of the things that I had previously, so many times said I should do.

For some reason, our brain is able to make connections to our commitment to take action and either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to make small – and sometimes big – changes in our lives.  What can an exercise like this one hurt?  Perhaps, if you return to your list and you still have things to change, you can redo the list and re-commit.  I know for me, this was the beginning of changing my entire language around accomplishing anything.

For example, another non-committal word is trying.  “Trying is lying” to ourselves.  As long as we are in the should stage or the trying stage, we do not accomplish the things we want.  Instead of saying, “I should work out three times per week,” say, “I will or I am working out three times per week.”  Instead of saying, “I’m trying to change” simply say, “I am changing ________ about my life” or “I will change _________ in my life.”  Period.  We wouldn’t want a non-committal reply from people we are relying on, so why do we accept it from ourselves?

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You:  You Don’t Have to Like Your Family!  Part 7 of 10

L.O.V.E: Is All You Need – Part 1 of Top 10 Series

Was John Lennon right?  Is love all we need?  I was reading my New Year‘s Horoscope on the subway on January 1st while returning home from an awesome New Year’s Eve party at the Bata  Shoe Museum downtown Toronto.  My horoscope said that this year would be a year of great personal growth and it ended with this statement:  “you have an important message to share with the world and that is – love is, was and will always be the answer to every question.”

On reflection, I think this is the message, deep at my core that I know to be true.  I spent some time reflecting back on the choices that I made this year and it is evident that where I put love into the equation things generally worked out for the best for me.  Where I lacked love and instead added frustration and stubbornness to a problem; it became worse.

My example is this:  I own a house in which I was renting to a family that intended to purchase it at the end of the lease.  This family fell on hard times.  However, the woman was very stubborn, hard to deal with and often paid her rent late even when things were going well for them.  After the six bounced cheques (and after I returned from a vacation where a close friend had deceived me and took money from me for a place that I never actually stayed at) I returned home to Canada ready to fight.

While I had been “loving” and understanding for the previous year and half, I had as they say, “lost that loving feeling” and I was ready to evict these irresponsible, non-paying tenants.  Now in terms of justice, I was well within my rights and everyone I spoke to about the situation said, “Oh, evict them!  Get rid of them!”.  However, deep inside my core, I knew that fighting with this woman was not the answer.  I knew how stubborn and belligerent she was as I suspect that’s all she had known most of her life – and knew no other way of dealing with the world and those around her.  Hence, she was well-practiced at fighting back.  Though it had been difficult I had, for a year and half, approached her with understanding and love and while she never seemed to appreciate it very much, she did always eventually pay her rent and come around. However, after a year and half of dealing with her, I was tired of being so loving and understanding.

This time, when I chose to fight her – she dug in her heels and fought back and somehow, as the justice system always seems to – it failed me.  I was stuck with this family in my home for nine months (yes, NINE months) without paying me a dime.  It was a delayed eviction because she had lost her job and was a single mother (funny enough her husband was there to help her move!).  In any case, it did not turn out for the best for me, financially, emotionally or mentally.

I specifically remember the day of the court date.  I was staying in a local hotel as the tribunal was in another city and I felt compelled to read the bible – most hotels leave one in the bedside table.  I was not looking for any specific scripture but I will never forget to what page I just happened to open the bible.  It was the scripture, Timothy 2 Verse 2-3, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel, instead he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth and they will come to their senses.”

I believe the overall message that God or the Universe was sending me that day was instead of fighting with my tenant, I should have treated her with love and in some way, instead of threatening her with eviction (even though I was legally entitled to do so) I should have found some other resolution.  Do I believe the Universe wanted me to get taken advantage of and “turn the other cheek?”  No.  I believe that our Divine Creator has great wisdom and he/she knew exactly what kind of person my tenant was and how she would react to me beginning a quarrel with her and that I would most likely lose, which I did.

How could I have responded in love instead?

I could have negotiated with her for payments or went to see her and asked her what was really going on and how I could help.  It would have required a lot of understanding and courage on my part but as it turned out, that would not have been any more difficult than watching a stranger live in my house for nine months while I paid all of her rent and utilities.  Needless to say, hindsight is twenty-twenty isn’t it?

So what do I do from here?

I learn the lesson that love probably was the answer to this problem and probably is the answer to many, if not all, questions.  Most people who are rude, disrespectful, cause us issues or we have conflicts with is because they have not had enough love in their lives.  It is very difficult to return evil with love but I am going to begin writing a few blogs on how to become more loving and approach each and every situation with love.  Here’s to 2013 being the “end of the world as we know it” regarding negativity, violence and problems and it being a “new year” of approaching every “question” with love.  Let’s face it, approaching every question with bitterness, frustration, or anger hasn’t solved anything.  Anyone ready to try a one year experiment with me and bring nothing but L.O.V.E. to this world?

Of course, first we need to understand what love is – it is not always an emotion – sometimes we may not feel any love for someone, but we can still “act” in love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gng7EBv3G2k (All you Need is Love by the Beatles)

Next Post:  Love – What is it?

Sensory Stimulation – Stops Aging & Makes Us Smarter! – Part 5 of Top 5 Series

Activation of the left cerebral hemisphere during sensory stimulation.

Sensory Stimulation Therapy

It turns out that stimulating our senses isn’t just beneficial for getting more in touch with our bodies and being in the present moment – it has been scientifically proven to slow the aging process, reprogram positive neuro-pathways in our brain (making us smarter by helping us think faster) and it can actually be very healing for children with autism and elderly people who have suffered from strokes or dementia.

What is sensory stimulation?

“The answer is that stimulating the senses can have a positive effect on learning as well as emotional and social growth in a child. Sensory stimulation in learning means having activities that challenge or make use of the five senses. These senses, touch, taste, smell, listening, and visual, must be included in one’s learning. Schools incorporate sensory stimulation in their curriculum from the basics of math and reading to special classes such as art or extracurricular activities such as sports. The same is true for children with special needs. For example, as more children become diagnosed with autism, more teachers are needed to educate them. Thus, it is good to see celebrities such as the telethon on comedy central held on October 15, 2006, that featured well-known comedians as well as other notable figures to help fund the building of a center to educate teachers who are specialized in teaching autistic children.

Sensory stimulation also affects the emotional and social growth of a child. Sensory affectional deprivation syndrome (link to this page) illustrates the importance of maternal affection. When moms (and dads) cuddle, sway, sing, or rock their babies and children, they are helping that child feel the emotional needs required for healthy growth.”

(http://www.autismindex.com/Therapies/Therapy_Key_Word_Site_Map/sensory/what_is_sensory_stimulation.html)

There are a lot of websites with a lot of information about the healing aspects of sensory stimulation as well as stores and places one can visit that are specifically geared to stimulating our senses.  How fun is that?

However, if you feel like making your own fun and stimulating your own senses, read the list below!  Enjoy!

Next Blog Series:   Fear – When it’s a gift – When it’s a curse! 

List of Sensory Stimulators:   (http://www.activitytherapy.com/sensorystimulation.htm)

Vision

Pretty Wrapping Paper & Florescent Papers

Animals such as Birds, Bird Feeders, Fish Tanks

Bubble Tubes

Colored Lights, Strings of Lights, Christmas Lights

Light Box

Rattles, Tambourines

Mirrors

Flashing lights & Strobe Lights

Wind Up Animals

Mobiles that are age appropriate

Wind Socks & Wind Chimes

Activity Boxes, Easy to Watch Videos

Relaxation Videos

Taste

Peanut Butter, Licorice

Jelly, Spices, Honey

Chocolate, Peppermint

Nutella (located with Peanut Butter)

Tea, Coffee, Milk Shakes, Sodas

Strong Smelling Soups

Yogurt, Ice cream, Ice Chips Flavored

Lifesavers, Pickles, Horseradish

Smell

Lavender and other oils. Use an Electric Aroma Fan

Pot Pouri, Sachets

Perfumes, Powders, Lotions

Sun Tan Lotions (Coconut)

Candles, Incense, Aromatherapy

Bath Oils, Bubble Baths, Bath Soaps

Spices

Powders, Talcum Powders, Pillows with Powders inside

Flowers, Shrubs with Scents, Flowering Trees

Bakery, Candle Shop, Candy Shop

Pet Shop, Fruit Stand

Licorice

Hearing / Sound

Water Sounds, Fountains, Bubbling Brooks, Sound of Waves

Faucet turned on, Waterfall

Washing Machine, Dishwasher

Music, Bag Pipers, Concerts

Wind Chimes

Ticking Clocks, Metronomes, Coco Clocks

Music Boxes, Whistles

Instruments- Maracas, Pianos, Tambourines, Rattles, Chimes, Electric Key Boards, Pianos, Drums

Touch

Fake Fur, Soft Ear Muffs

Pets, Horses, Cows

Outside-Leaves, Tree Bark, Roses

Snow, Sand, Shells, Sea Weed

Hard Items-Rocks, Tree Bark, Fences

Soft Items-Clay, Dirt, Play Dough

Cotton, Sheepskin, Feathers,

Pastas, Cereals, Spaghetti

Large Beads, Jewelry, Gaskets

Pat Mats, Activity Aprons & Activity Pillows

Body Pillows, Textured Fabrics

Massage, Silk Materials

Dryer vibration, blow dryers, washing machines

Movement

Swings, Slides

Hammocks

Trampoline

Sleigh Riding

Horseback Riding

Rolling Down Hill

Merry Go Rounds