Financial Freedom: Change Your Attitude! Part 5 of 5 Series

Being Grateful is all about Perspective!

I have had some scepticism about the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes – primarily because sometimes we cannot simply wish things into our lives and then receive them IF we have core beliefs that are acting as obstacles  – we must work out those beliefs first.

However, I am fully supportive of her book, The Magic, which has nothing to do with magic.  It has everything to do with what we already know: Demonstrating gratitude for the things in our lives, is good for us and can only bring more things for which to be grateful.

This post is simply to recommend to you to go out and purchase or borrow her book, The Magic. Or you can experiment with the power of your own subconscious and how it is connected to the Universe as I did:

I magically came across her book by putting it out to the Universe before I entered a second-hand store to look around,  I wanted to find a book that would provide some answers for which I was searching about attracting wonderful things – especially financial freedom – to my life.  The Universe honoured my request and I found the book within the first few seconds of scanning the bookshelves and I just knew it was the one to read.  I’ve read it and I don’t think I have read another book, besides Louise L Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life that has resonated as much with my spirit and what I believe to be true as The Magic did.

In addition, I got the book for a third of the retail price!  I love when that happens because that is an example of financial blessings being provided; and while being grateful for these first manifestations is what ultimately leads to our full financial freedom.  I dare you to go out today with a wish or request – something small enough that you can actually believe you may receive it – and see what the Universe sends you!

Have you made a list of the things you are SO grateful for today that you already have in your life?  It is the most effective way to feel good now about your life and to attract that financial freedom you want!

Financial Freedom: Breathe Your Way to Success! Part 3 of 5

What does breathing have to do with our financial freedom?

Everything!
If you can, for one moment, imagine that money has the same characteristics as oxygen, the analogy I am about to discuss, will be much easier to understand.
We need oxygen to live. We do not have to create it, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive oxygen is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies – from the time we take our first breath until the time we take our last – to regulate when and how much oxygen we inhale and exhale without even having to give it a second thought.

What if we could get our minds around the idea that money – in its essence – which is simply energy, just like oxygen – is exactly the same way. Our conscious minds might have a difficult time accepting that like oxygen, we do not have to create money, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is also essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive money is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies to regulate when and how much money we take in and give out without even having to give it a second thought.
Is this difficult for you to get your mind around?

Probably.
Why? Because we have been told, taught, programmed, lectured to regarding the fact that “money doesn’t grow on trees, it is not free, it needs to be created, earned, found, and worked really hard for!”
Our parents did not tell us this about oxygen or breathing because our parents knew from their experience that it was simply provided for us, no questions asked. We have an abundance of oxygen each and every day – never do we have to worry or fret about it – never have we been taught to worry or fret about it.
Imagine if this were true of money.
What if we had never been taught to worry or fret about it and we had known from the time we were born that it would be provided to us?

The only difference between those of us in abundance and those in lack is this belief. Whenever a person begins to choose to believe that money, like oxygen is their birth-right simply because they were born and given the exact same opportunities as any other human, they begin to allow and receive money easily, no questions asked.

Unfortunately, most of us – especially those of us who had parents or grandparents who grew up during the depression – were taught that money was lacking and that if we wanted to have any, we better work hard, save it, sometimes hoard it, and certainly not waste it on frivolous or fun things. This very belief is the very thing that has caused most of us to be lacking money at some point in our lives.
If we had been taught from birth that oxygen was not free and we had to work for it, we would most certainly be focusing on our breath, making sure we were breathing all the time and working hard at keeping ourselves alive. However, the entire time, our Divine Intelligence is more than happy to provide it for us, but because we insist on doing it for ourselves, It lets us.

We wouldn’t be able to do much else of course, but that’s okay, because at least we’d be alive.
Fortunately for us, our parents were not born into a world where oxygen was scarce or hard to find – one day, if we keep up with the consumeristic rat-race of producing things and having pollution as the by-product, our children or grandchildren may very well end up in a society that teaches just that: “For heaven’s sake, don’t waste oxygen by running around or playing or having fun – there’s barely enough to go around!”
This is what we’ve been directly or indirectly taught about money.
Let me ask you something: Why on earth would our loving Universal Intelligence be utterly generous when it comes to oxygen and the life-creating substance and then turn around and be stingy in other areas of our lives? It doesn’t make sense.

The Universal Intelligence does not waver in its abundance of the things we need and desire on this earth – it simply responds to our belief systems as an individual and a society. If we believe that money is hard to find; it will be. If we believe that we have to work really, really hard to earn it; it will let us do just that.
So how do we return to what we knew as babies – that everything we needed would be provided for us?
When we took our first breath we knew instantly what it was to have the life-giving gift of breath and we often take it for granted. The first thing we need to do is become aware of our breathing and demonstrate our gratitude for it – for oxygen and the ability to receive it.
30 second Breathing Exercise that could change your life:
Step # 1:  Take a deep breath in and as you breath, say: “Thank you for oxygen!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you for my ability to breathe!”

Step # 2: On the next breath, say: “Thank you for money (you can insert the word of your choice – prosperity, financial freedom, success, love)!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you my ability to receive it!”

Do this as many times as you can or become aware of your breath during the day!
Even if you are sceptical; even if you do not believe a word you’ve read, practice this exercise for 30 seconds whenever you can today and in the next few days. What have you got to lose?
What you have to gain is a great exercise in breathing which always relaxes us, slows our heart rate and sends endorphins throughout our entire system and perhaps, just like oxygen is always provided and in abundance, your financial health may begin to increase as well!

Next Post:  Financial Freedom:  Counting Our Blessings from 1-100

Financial Freedom: Gratitude is the Secret Ingredient in the Recipe for Success! Part 2 of 5 Series

Gratitude is the #1 – and most readily available – ingredient in the recipe for Success!  It is the biggest investment we can make in hoping to reap the dividends of life!

If you can think, speak or write – you can be grateful!  Gratitude is like the baking powder in most baking recipes.  It is the easiest and best way to make any form of bread, pastry or dessert rise and EXPAND and become bigger than its original size.  Hence, gratitude in its purest form – being truly thankful for the things that already exist in our lives – even if it’s the last dollar we have – is the most effective ingredient in the recipe for expansion of our success!

For example: 

If we have a job; appreciate it even more for all those right now looking for work.

If we have our health; rejoice in it for all those who do not.

If we have food on the table each day; give thanks before we eat it  and remember all those who are hungry.

If we have a friend, tell them regularly how grateful we are that they are in our lives – for all of the people who are alone in this world.

My father used to say to me, “when you feel down, never look up – look down.  There is surely someone who has less than you and would be glad to be in your shoes.”

There are many activities we can do today to help us to feel more grateful about our lives; and you know the wonderful thing about being grateful?  It helps us to feel so much better about our lives and often can lift us out of our blue mood – and this expansion of feeling and vibrational energy – not action – is what attracts more and more wonderful things.  Like attracts like.  When we send out gratitude vibrations, there is an energy that vibrates at a level that automatically brings more things for which to be grateful.

What are some Gratitude Attitude Activities?

I saw this on the Facebook page “Feel Good” and thought it was a wonderful idea:

# 1.

#2.  Gratitude Journal:   Each day in your journal or you can purchase “Simple Abundance Gratitude Journal” by Sara Ban Breathnach which actually has each day already prepared for you to write the top 5 things for which you are grateful.  If not, then grab a piece of paper and begin writing today either when you wake up or when you go to bed about the 5 things you are grateful for that day.   Sara’s website:  http://www.simpleabundance.com/gratitude_journal.html

3.  Gratitude Affirmations: These are from my Blog # 3 “Gratitude Brings Changes in Attitude” for more reflection and information about gratitude.

Some simple gratitude affirmations are:

I am thankful for being me.

I am thankful for my loving pets.

I am thankful for the abundance I already have in my life.

I am thankful for the meal I had tonight.a

I am grateful for the job I have.

One thing that is very important if we are attempting to manifest new or better things in our lives, in terms of love, friendships, places to live, a car, or just about anything we desire, we must never grumble or be negative about what we already have.

A sure way to make sure that the Universe never provides us with a new car is to grumble about the one we have or complain about the home we have now, if we are searching for a new place to live.  We must find the beauty in what we possess now and begin to sit calmly in that attitude of gratitude.  

Gratitude is the one ingredient, if you decide to include it in your recipe for life and success, that requires you to really not do much else in terms of action in your life to bring about change.  If you begin to express gratitude and an opportunity comes your way, by all means, take action.  However, one does not need to strive, force or plow one’s way to success.  Gratitude, just like baking powder, will cause the expansion of what we already have to rise and become something bigger and grander! 

4.  Looking for Beauty:  Today, either while you drive to work, at work or in your home or community, make it your mission to look around and see the beauty in something and take a minute to be thankful for it.  It may be the beauty in the sunrise, a picture, a poster, a person, yourself in the mirror, a mother holding the hand of a child, or a flock of birds overhead.  Then make it a daily habit to see as much beauty in the world as possible.  Elizabeth Taylor‘s mother, while she was pregnant with Elizabeth made a habit of looking at beautiful things each and every day and often would gaze at lavender Violas and always claimed that was why Elizabeth was born with eyes the colour of lavender (bluish purple).

5.  Watch Gratitude Videos:  There are many gratitude videos on the internet – while some include affirmations of being grateful and then include manifesting statements, I chose one that simply had reminders of why it is important to be grateful in our lives – even in the times of setbacks.  It is easy to be grateful when things are good and when we are manifesting what we desire – true growth in life, however, requires us to feel this way even when nothing seems to be happening.  Maintaining gratitude will help us to sustain our faith in these times.

6.  Reflection:  At the end of each day, while you lay in bed, reflect on and choose ONE thing that you are most thankful for during the day and say “thank you, thank you, thank you” before you close your eyes for that ONE thing.  You will most likely awaken to a new day with many more things for which to be thankful.  How?  Because the Universe hears your gratitude and responds by expanding it while you sleep! 

Next Post:  Financial Freedom:  The next ingredient is breathing! 

Financial Freedom: The GOOD news about your BAD situation! Part 1 of 5 Series

The GOOD news about your BAD situation! 

Are you in a state of discomfort in your life?  Have you been there for an extended period of time?  This could include a state of illness, debt, poverty, frustration, lack of love, failure – whatever it is, what you know for sure from your experience is that you have had enough and you want something better for yourself and your life!

This is the SECRET as to WHY we need to suffer in our lives – not because God or the Universe wants us to suffer; but because the Divine Intelligence of the Universe knows that until we are really uncomfortable with our circumstances, we will rarely – or never – desire or take action to move out of our comfort zone to better ourselves and our lives.

Ester and Jerry Hicks describe this phenomenon in their book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions in these words: “…you often see things (in your life) that you do not want.  And each time that occurs, a clarification of what you do wants erupts within you.  Occasionally the experience is so dramatic that you could clearly state, “I don’t want that! And I now understand what I want instead is…”

The Hicks go on to explain this phenomenon and its brilliance, in this manner:

“And so, whether you are consciously aware of your new expanded desire or not, desire is born out of the contrast you are living…for during that process of knowing what you do not want, the clear, expanded idea of what you prefer instead is born and your Inner Being (or the Source within you) turns its undivided attention to that new expanded idea!…The contrast that you would be living stimulates new ideas of improvement and expansion within you…the broader non-physical part of you would embrace the new ideas fully and would literally become their vibrational equivalent.”

It is this vibrational equivalent that we – or our Inner Beings – are always seeking because it knows that like attracts like.  If we are functioning on a vibrational level of poverty; our beliefs, thinking and actions will continue to create and attract more poverty.  If we undergo an experience like the one described above, we will begin to shift our beliefs, our thoughts and our actions – because we are really uncomfortable in our situation; ultimately shifting our entire vibrational energy to match what it is we do want – wealth, prosperity and success – and then ultimately begin to attract it.

Essentially, while we are comfortable in our way of thinking and acting we are not very inspired to change or become the better, more expanded version of ourselves that our Divine Intelligence knows we can be.  We literally have to experience the discomfort – and usually for an extended period of time – in order to want something new and better – a better us – a better life – in order to actually attract it and achieve it.

Disclaimer: Not all people who experience suffering or discomfort expand and go onto a higher vibrational level of success.  Some of us have to experience the same discomfort or pain a few times in our lives in order to overcome it and move beyond it.  Some never do overcome it, as they become victims to their suffering and continue all their lives to tell themselves and others the same old story of their lives.  In order to benefit from this particular secret of life we must be willing to change and we must have enough desire for a transformed existence of ourselves.

The good news is that once we make up our mind to change,  a miraculous thing begins to happen – the Universe begins to put people, ideas, books and all kinds of resources in our path to facilitate this growth.  I have seen this time and again in my life. I will be guided to go into a particular bookstore  or I will already be somewhere and I will be prompted to begin looking for something – it is usually just a quiet impression on my spirit.  Or, as what happened recently, on the way home after my car had a gas leak, I ended up walking beside a gentleman who is a manager of a spiritual store in my neighbourhood and we had a wonderful discussion about life, spirituality and making the most of bad situations.  Interestingly enough, just recently I made up my mind to explore my spirituality more, step out and make new friends and to make the best of any adversity – big or small – in my life.  Lo and behold, my car breaking down allowed me to do all three of these things at once!

What obstacles do you find yourself perpetually going up against?  What situation have you been struggling with for so long that you are SO ready to be free of?  This is your area of growth.  You cannot become greater in any area in your life – until like the Universe – you are willing to allow yourself to expand.

The irony is that we can only allow the very things we want by giving up the struggle – stop focusing on the negative or the lack in our lives.  Once we focus on the things we already have – and feel gratitude for them – then we will be going with the flow of abundance and be able to attract and allow what it is we desire.

Next Post:  How Gratitude leads to a New Attitude about Everything!

 

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 4 of 5 Series

We Receive What we Invest in, in our Lives!

We can only receive what we can allow ourselves to receive and this is completely proportionate to what we believe, think, feel and how we act towards what it is we want to attract.

If we want to attract more money to our lives; we must first learn how to water and nurture that area, which usually requires some form of transformation or resetting our minds regarding money!

How is our mental blueprint formed?

We need to think of our minds as computers – highly advanced computers – that are programmed from the time of our conception to think, believe and ultimately make choices and take actions, based on those thoughts and beliefs. 

Essentially, our money blueprint (Ecker) is based on the program we’ve received in the past from parents, authority figures, teachers, media, culture, religious leaders, etc regarding our thoughts and attitudes towards money.  Their ways of thinking about money, became ours.

The following outline is my summary of what Harvey T. Ecker lectures about in his 6 part series on our Money Blueprint; here are the ways in which we have been programmed to think about money:

Verbal:  Phrases and messages  we heard when we were young, such as:  “Money is the root of all evil!” “You can’t be rich and spiritual” “Money can’t buy happiness!”  “We can’t afford it!”

Modeling:  What we saw when we were young –  what model or example did our parents establish for us?  Was money a source of joy or bitter arguments?  What happens to us when we see our parents or people we respect act towards money?  “Monkey see, monkey do!”  Ecker says, “humans aren’t far behind.”  We either model what our parents taught us through their example or we do the exact opposite because we are angry or in opposition to being like our parents.

Specific Incidents:  What did we experience (emotional charges)  around money, success and rich people?  We validate what we are taught in our adult lives.  For example, if we witnessed examples of conflict over money, conflict regarding money will ultimately show up in our lives.  Perhaps, we watched our parents receive money only to have it taken or lost in the form of an emergency in the family or something in the house needed to be repaired.  We grow up believing that money will go out as quickly as it comes in and we will continue to create or attract scenarios where this exact phenomenon keeps happening to us. 

How do we reset our Money Thermostat?

Ecker uses the comparison between our mental blueprint about money and a thermostat.  If the thermostat is set to maintain the house at 72 degrees  and someone comes and opens a window and lets the cold air in – no matter what, the thermostat will kick-in and drive the temperature back up to 72 degrees.  If we set the thermostat in the summer to keep us cool and it becomes very hot outside, the thermostat or central air will again kick-in to bring the temperature down and maintain it at what we have programmed it.

Ecker says this is exactly the same with our mental thermostat regarding many issues – particularly our thoughts about what we “need” in order to be comfortable or happy.  If we grew up poor or middle class, we were most likely programmed that just getting by or being able to pay our bills with some left over for entertainment is “living comfortably” and guess what?  That’s all our thermostat will ever allow us to be – comfortable, but not wealthy and not abundant.  Hence, we need to reset our internal thermostat.

How do we do this?

First we must understand that we are made up of four elements:  Spiritual, Mental, Emotional,  and Physical and whatever is going on in the M. E. and S. will manifest itself in the Physical realm.

Beliefs (Spiritual) = Thoughts (Mental) = Feelings (Emotional) = Our Actions and Our Results

Before we can begin to change our Money Thermostat, we must first learn how rich people think.  Here are some basic rules, Ecker outlines that we must follow before we do anything else:

1.  Stop judging rich people – give up the beliefs that “rich people are greedy or selfish” and simply observe and begin to appreciate how they think.  Replace our old programming with new statements:

Rich people are Cheap                   = Rich people are generous

It takes money to make money    = It takes creativity to make money

I’m too old to make a change        = I am able to learn new skills

I can’t be rich and nice                   = I am rich and a nice person

2.  Give up the victim stance and take full responsibility for our own financial situation (stop blaming the economy, others, high interest rates, our parents, etc.)

3.  Take Ownership over our lives and financial situation:  “I create my life!” vs. “life happens to me!”

4.  Stop justifying that we don’t need money, can just get by, just want to be comfortable or that money isn’t that important.

5.  What we focus on, EXPANDS, therefore focus on what’s RIGHT in our lives – not’s what wrong!

6.  Immediately, stop complaining!   Complaining = garbage magnet!

All change begins with Awareness and with new thinking comes new results!

Changing your blue print about money:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeNAGoFSqno

Next Post:  Learn how to love and appreciate money!  Part 5 of 5 Series

Making Mistakes: How to Embrace Them! Part 1 of 5 Series

How many of us have made a mistake in our lives? 

Every one of us!  One of the most comforting things I have learned from studying literature that spans centuries is that I have come to understand one invaluable lesson:  whatever error or mistake we make; someone, somewhere in history has already made it already!

As part of the human race we share a number of important things:

1.  We are made of blood, muscle and bones.

2.  We feel sadness, anger, love, jealousy, joy and many other emotions.

3.  We are mortal.

4.  We are all connected.

5.  We ALL make mistakes.

Avril Lavigne sings in her song, Complicated, “Chill out, what you yellin’ for?
Lay back, it’s all been done before,” so we can comfort ourselves in the fact that whatever we do to err in this life; it’s already been done at least once – probably millions of times!

How do we deal with the fact that we are not perfect and that we do make mistakes?

1.  We need to embrace our darkness – that part of ourselves that is quite capable – if not expert – at making mistakes.

2.  We need to own up to our mistakes the best we can and be determined to learn from them; so that we do not repeat them and we are able to approach the same situation in a much better and clearer perspective next time.

3.  We need to remember that what our mistakes teach us most of all is this:  To not judge others when they make mistakes and to demonstrate compassion to others in their mistakes.

4.  We need to learn to demonstrate that same compassion for ourselves – that is the ONLY way to be more compassionate to our fellow human.

5.  We need to learn to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake and not ruminate about it – thinking about our error will indefinitely lead to more mistakes as we will not be focused on improving, but on our fear of faltering again, and therefore, we will re-create more mistakes.

Next Post:  Our Ugly Side – How to Embrace It!

 

Related Articles:

Making  Mistakes to Enhance Self-Esteem and Improve Performance http://www.excelatlife.com/articles/mistakes.htm

How to Bounce back from a Mistake: http://99u.com/tips/7089/How-To-Bounce-Back-From-A-Big-Mistake

Try Again by Aaliyah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjnbozivsEo

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Romance Your Soul! Part 10 of 10 Series

Chinese Orchid:  Teaches Us How to Love & Romance Ourselves!

“Rather than depending on insects or even the wind for pollination, scientists have discovered that the orchid Holcoglossum amesianum actually fertilizes itself. The orchid defies gravity to twist the male part of its flower into the necessary shape to fertilize the female one.  The orchid produces no scent or nectar. Instead, the pollen-bearing anther uncovers itself and rotates into a suitable position to insert into the stigma cavity, where fertilization takes place. This sexual relationship is so exclusive that flowers do not even transfer pollen to other flowers on the same plant.’ (wikipedia)

Why is it so important to love and romance ourselves?

We all know the cliché – it’s only a cliché because it’s true – that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.  This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first.  How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

How do we Romance Our Soul?

We often find it easier to do for others the things we rarely would do for ourselves.   We buy cards on special days like Valentine’s Day for the people we love – but how often do we write or send a loving message to ourselves?

Here are some fun, practical methods to begin practicing loving yourself:

1.  Make a list of 5 – 10 things that you would do to romance someone else.  For example, you might buy them flowers, a card, make them a nice dinner, or buy them a gift certificate at their favourite store or spa.  Then make a committment to yourself to do one of these things for yourself each week for the next few weeks until you make a habit of romancing yourself.

2.  Write a love letter to yourself:  What would you say to yourself – either your inner child or you as an adult?  It may be wise to begin writing to your inner child because we often have more love and compassion for her or him than we do for our adult selves.

3.  Choose kind and compassionate words to speak to yourself during the day.  Become aware of the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis.  How many kind statements, such as “Hey _______, I’m really proud of how you handled yourself at work today,” or “Way to go on getting to the gym today!”  do you say to yourself versus how many negative things?  Attempt to catch every negative thought or statement as you think it or say it; then state: “cancel, cancel, cancel” and then replace it with a more compassionate statement to yourself.

4.  Surround yourself with beautiful things – nothing says you love and appreciate yourself like creating a living – or work – space with uplifting or colourful accents.

5. Post a positive quotation near your computer that you can look at every day.

6. Post a picture of yourself that you really like or of one where you are smiling and having fun with friends.

7. Add a plant or vase full of fresh-cut flowers in your home.

8. Buy a diffuser with lovely smelling scents – citrus or cinnamon lifts your spirit and causes the brain to release endorphins.

9. Make a call list of friends or family that you can call at a moments notice and keep it where you can see it daily – this will remind you of people you love and who love you!

10.  Dress well – nothing says you love yourself more than caring to dress yourself in clothes that you feel really good – or sexy – or attractive – each morning (depending on your work of course!)

May this Valentine’s Day, you remember to love and romance the most important person in the world – YOU!

Next Blog Series:  Forgiving Ourselves When We Make Mistakes

 

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Speak Your Truth – Part 8 of 10 Series

Yoda would definitely encourage us to speak our truth….gently!

How many of us are afraid to speak our truth? Do we even know what our truth is?

Speaking our truth essentially means to express freely what we feel to be the best, healthiest and truest decision for ourselves regarding any and every situation with which we are faced.

For example, if someone asks us to do something and we really don’t want to do it, how often do we oblige this person, do what it is they are asking and then either mentally ruminate about how much we resent it or we express our displeasure verbally or through our body language to others and perhaps to the person who has asked us for help?

How many times, when someone is late or cancels on us or disappoints us in some way, we don’t bother to say anything, but all the while, hold onto anger or resentment towards this person?

How many times, when someone does something habitually to annoy us, pressures us to do something we don’t want to do, guilts us into doing something (the list goes on and on) do we keep quiet, but secretly become angry at this person or talk about them to others?

This is what happens when we are not speaking our truth; when we are not being true to our own needs, desires and preferences and care more about what people think of us than caring for ourselves.

Are there times when we need to sacrifice ourselves – our time, money, energy for the good of others?  Absolutely.  However, the problem is when we do it all of the time – we become chronic people pleasers and swallow our feelings of resentment and this almost always manifests itself in illness or gaining weight, eventually.

What are the signs we are not being true to ourselves and have failed to speak our truth?

1.  We feel angry, resentful or dread when we are about to do something.

2.  We are in a state of mental monkey mind – this is when we are going over and over what we would LIKE to say to this person, but we never actually verbalize it.

3.  When we find ourselves talking either about the person who has disappointed us in the form of gossip or complaining – or we are continually talking about how we have to do such and such for so and so and how unfair or what a pain it is.

4.  We develop colds, sore throats, toothaches – any illness to do with the throat or mouth is usually a red flag that we do not feel free to express ourselves and we are holding “infectious words” within us, instead of verbalizing them to others.

5.  We become gossips or are forever talking ABOUT someone rather than TO them.

6.  Our relationships begin to lack honesty or depth.

7.  We disempower ourselves and therefore feel weak or angry with ourselves.

8.  Eating disorders can develop – this is especially true of bulimia.  We literally “swallow” all of the unhealthy words or thoughts from others or ourselves and then regurgitate them back out in anger.

9.  Others sense our anger or resentment and avoid having social interactions with us.

10.  We actually create more separation from our Authentic Self and soon become almost deaf to our own needs and desires.

What does it mean to speak our truth?

It is when what we think, speak and act is in alignment with each other.  If we say yes to something, we make peace about it mentally and we do it.  If we say no to something, we mentally let ourselves off the hook – we do not allow guilt to develop and we stick to our “no” in our actions.  An example of this is when we begin dating and we tell our partner that we are not comfortable becoming intimate with them until three months have passed.  Then we speak and act according to what we have told the person.  If we sleep with them the next week (which of course all of us have gone back on what we’ve told someone at some point in our lives) we disempower ourselves and we never feel completely trustworthy in our own word – and neither will that other person.  My belief is, if you don’t think you can do it, then don’t say it!

Related Links:

Speak Your Truth http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Speak-Your-Truth_2

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: You Don’t Have to Like Your Family! Part 7 of 10

Does your family make you want to pull your hair out?

Well, you’re in good company.  I have rarely talked to anyone who hasn’t, at one time or another, been frustrated with their family members.

Wayne Dyer says this about family: 

“Friends are God‘s way of making up for our families.”

How many of us have spent a lifetime trying to understand, get along with, make peace with, be understood by or simply communicate with our families to no avail?  How many us have been disappointed, hurt, frustrated, or completely exasperated with one family member or another?

Take it from me – I do understand. I am the youngest of seven siblings – and almost ten years younger than the ones next to me in age.  Essentially, I had the experience of growing up in a large family; and also as an only child.  With numerous personalities within one family, there will always be issues, disputes, and fights; sometimes knock-down, drag-out fights!

However, we need to look at our families differently; this has helped me a great deal.  It wasn’t until I realized that my family was less about people with whom I had to get along, have understand me or be extremely close to and much more about the spiritual and emotional work I have to do on this earth – in this physical journey.

In essence, we need to stop looking at our family members as people who should (there’s that word again – see my post on “Forget your Shoulds!”) be a certain way or understand us or be there for us.  Our family members are this:  Spiritual Bumper Cars.

Essentially, we are stuck in a perpetual game with them for this lifetime. 

Have you ever noticed the big poles to which bumper cars are attached?  There is a steering wheel within these small, colourful cars, but who are we kidding – we aren’t in control of those damn cars – not even our own!   We go along steering, trying in vain to either hit into the others or avoid them, and all the while, we really have no control at all – nor can we remove our car from the game.

Hence, this is how we need to think of our family members – especially if there is dissonance between us and them.  When we arrive on this earth, we have no control in which family we are born or what personalities the rest of them will have.  We spend almost our entire lives in this Bumper Car game with them – sometimes managing to move around them; sometimes bumping into them and having a good laugh and sometimes, we get hurt when we bump into them too hard or vice versa.

What’s the good news about looking at our family members this way?

It takes the pressure off of us to have some deep, meaningful relationship (if you do, that’s wonderful – but many do not) and we can see them more objectively as the people with whom we are meant to do our spiritual and emotional work during our journey here on earth.

In fact, I believe that we are meant to bump up, crash into and even get hurt by these people we call parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and yes, even our own children.  They are our reflections and our work.  So, now you have permission to stop longing for them to change or understand them at every moment or even having a relationship with them at all.  Of course, it is never good to hold on to grudges or resentment – this poison only hurts us – not them.  If we need to forgive them, then we must do this for us – not them.

However, the next time you visit or spend time with your family members and you can view them as if in a game with a bunch of bumper cars around you, it may take a little pressure off and even be a little more fun during the experience.

If only when they bump into us and shake us to our core, could we laugh like we do in a game of good old bumpers cars!

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You – Speak Your Truth! Part 8 of 10

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Forget Your Shoulds! Part 6 of 10 Series

“You SHOULD!”

How many times have we shaken our fingers at ourselves about something we should have done, should be doing, or should do soon?  We are often “shoulding” ourselves about something; and this is not surprising as most of us could not count how many times we have been told in our past about something we should do.  We have heard it from our parents, adults, teachers, authority figures, siblings, peers in the past and perhaps even now; and more often, from ourselves.  We are carrying on a tradition that others began inside of our minds and we should stop!  Okay, this is the one should you can listen to!

For example, how many us are able to accomplish our New year’s resolutions?  Most of us are not successful because we often try to change things that are so well-established not only as a habit and part of our life-style,  but in the neuro-pathways of our mind.

One exercise that I completed in my four years of training to be a psycho-therapist was extremely helpful in  helping me begin to make changes – albeit small changes at first – in my life and getting rid of my shoulds and turning them into accomplishments.

Many of us have a long list of shoulds:

I should go to the gym

I should go on a diet

I should be more patient

I should travel more

I should save my money for travel

I should save more!  Work more!  Work less!

…and the list goes on.

For some reason, the word “should” continues to resonate in our minds as a non-committal, sit-on-the-fence mentality that rarely ever brings about action, let alone change.   Hence, we continue to tell ourselves that we should do this or we should do that; and we almost never get around to it.

The exercise to change this kind of mentality is very simple – and yet it works.  It entails making a list of our shoulds.  Then, after reading it through, we need to decide whether we WILL or we WON’T take the action.  After we decide, we need to literally cross out the word “should” and write above it (or below it) the words “I will” or “I won’t”.  For example, if you have on your list, “I should eat less” cross out the should and write what you’ve decided to do:  I will eat less or I won’t eat less.

After you’ve finished “correcting” your list, then tuck it away somewhere and leave it for a month or two months – however long you can wait.  I did this for one month and when I returned to my list – I could barely remember what I had written on it – I had accomplished all but one of the things that I had previously, so many times said I should do.

For some reason, our brain is able to make connections to our commitment to take action and either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to make small – and sometimes big – changes in our lives.  What can an exercise like this one hurt?  Perhaps, if you return to your list and you still have things to change, you can redo the list and re-commit.  I know for me, this was the beginning of changing my entire language around accomplishing anything.

For example, another non-committal word is trying.  “Trying is lying” to ourselves.  As long as we are in the should stage or the trying stage, we do not accomplish the things we want.  Instead of saying, “I should work out three times per week,” say, “I will or I am working out three times per week.”  Instead of saying, “I’m trying to change” simply say, “I am changing ________ about my life” or “I will change _________ in my life.”  Period.  We wouldn’t want a non-committal reply from people we are relying on, so why do we accept it from ourselves?

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You:  You Don’t Have to Like Your Family!  Part 7 of 10