Tag Archive | gratitude

What’s The Secret, The Power & The Magic All About?

bth_the-secret-book

For some people, reading self-help books and trying to decipher the messages and information from them may seem daunting, overwhelming or time-consuming and I understand that.  As a teacher and writer,  I am very blessed that I am able to read, digest and summarize a lot of what I read and then pass that on to others.

In fact, to save on time of re-reading many books that I find valuable; as I read them, I highlight the important points and write the key ideas and strategies I want to remember on note cards in order to have them on hand at a moment’s notice.

For this reason, I am attempting to summarize for many, what Rhonda Byrnes is exploring and postulating in her three books, The Secret, The Power and The Magic.  I am doing this not to suggest that one should not read these books  or to suggest that I can truly summarize all of the research, work and the writing process that went into completing and publishing these books; but I can simplify them for people who may not have had a chance to sit down and read them for themselves.

Here’s how I would summarize each one thematically in the most simplest of terms:

 

The Secret:  Faith – Desiring and asking for what it is you desire in life and believing you will receive it.

The Power:  Love – Harnessing the Power of Love which is to think, speak and demonstrate through your actions, the high vibrational level of love.  Love encompasses compassion, forgiveness and appreciation and is the highest vibrational word in our vocabulary.

The Magic:  Gratitude – thinking, speaking and being truly grateful for everything and everyone we have in our lives right now and for what it is we want to manifest in our life.

Essentially, Rhonda explains that how the Law of Attraction works in our lives is dependant upon the feelings of desire we have for things, the love we express towards the things we want and the gratitude we have.  All of these things – the level of desire, love and gratitude for who we are, people in our life and the things we have now, is what is attracting to us what we have  NOW.

If our desire is to attract better situations, people and things to our life, we must express desire, love and appreciation on a higher level through our feelings.  This, in turn, will lift us to a higher level of vibration which is the very thing that is essential in order to improve our “Law of Attraction” to bring to us the things we want.

One of the key elements to remember is that The Law of Attraction is always working in our lives – it doesn’t matter how our lives are now – we should not be fooled to think that it is not working.   Whatever and whomever we have been attracting to our life is based on the level of vibrational energy we have been expressing out into the world from our thoughts, words and actions.

What we must do – and this essentially is “The Secret” is lift our vibrational energy to radiate more love, more appreciation, and more compassion and then the things that we truly love, appreciate and have affection for, will begin manifesting and being magnetized (and multiplied) to us.

Over the past ten years, I have written, spoken and acted upon many affirmations.  What I have observed is that the ones in which I felt the most love and appreciation for, have generally always manifested and manifested fairly quickly in my life.  Situations and people for which I have felt frustration have generally manifested just that – more frustrating people and situations!  It is IMPERATIVE that when we think, say or act upon anything we are desiring in our life that we feel a feeling of love and appreciation for it.

I have, therefore began to revamp my thoughts and affirmations towards the things that I love.  How do I know I love them? When I think of them, I actually get either a rush, goose-bumps, excitement throughout my body or a squeezing around my heart.  I choose to focus on the things I really love because it is those things that I obviously am really desiring if I feel a stronger, positive vibration in association with them.

For example, while I am grateful (being appreciative is just as imperative to manifesting) for the car I have, I absolutely feel love (excitement) towards the BMW x3 and say so on a regular basis.  I also spend a great deal of time visualizing driving it!

Each day, I have been writing in my journal and  writing an email to myself of the 5 – 10 things I love or love to receive.  I am determined and faithful that these very things will manifest in some form or another in my life at some point, while I am doing this each day.

The wonderful thing about living our life in this manner is that each day we can awake with an excitement of what big and small things will manifest in our life and especially how they will manifest themselves.

It is always very cool and inspiring to affirm that I love fresh-cut flowers (you can be as specific as you want – even naming the type of flowers you love) and a few days later, being given flowers by a friend or stranger.

This not only demonstrates to us the power of our words, but it is a physical confirmation that we can attract and manifest the bigger things in which we desire in our lives.

The only disclaimer I can write about this is:  Whatever we do, if the flowers (or whatever it is we have stated that we love), do not turn up in the time-frame that we would like, we cannot lose faith!  As soon as we doubt or become frustrated because the things we desire, do not manifest in the time we want, and we say, “See, this Law of Attraction thing doesn’t work!” we repel those flowers or the very thing that might have been five minutes away from manifesting in our lives.

This sometimes can be the most difficult thing to remember and to live out in regards to the Law of Attraction.  The Universe, as soon as it hears our desire begins to conspire to make things fall into place in order for us to receive it; however, it also hears our doubts, fears and worries and these will serve to block the vibrational level of attraction.  We must remain single-focused on what we want and be adamant that we WILL receive it. We must not be adamant about the when or the how.

Next Post:  How do we relax and KNOW that the things we desire will manifest in our lives?

Financial Freedom: Change Your Attitude! Part 5 of 5 Series

Prosperity stop complaining

Being Grateful is all about Perspective!

I have had some scepticism about the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes – primarily because sometimes we cannot simply wish things into our lives and then receive them IF we have core beliefs that are acting as obstacles  – we must work out those beliefs first.

However, I am fully supportive of her book, The Magic, which has nothing to do with magic.  It has everything to do with what we already know: Demonstrating gratitude for the things in our lives, is good for us and can only bring more things for which to be grateful.

This post is simply to recommend to you to go out and purchase or borrow her book, The Magic. Or you can experiment with the power of your own subconscious and how it is connected to the Universe as I did:

I magically came across her book by putting it out to the Universe before I entered a second-hand store to look around,  I wanted to find a book that would provide some answers for which I was searching about attracting wonderful things – especially financial freedom – to my life.  The Universe honoured my request and I found the book within the first few seconds of scanning the bookshelves and I just knew it was the one to read.  I’ve read it and I don’t think I have read another book, besides Louise L Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life that has resonated as much with my spirit and what I believe to be true as The Magic did.

In addition, I got the book for a third of the retail price!  I love when that happens because that is an example of financial blessings being provided; and while being grateful for these first manifestations is what ultimately leads to our full financial freedom.  I dare you to go out today with a wish or request – something small enough that you can actually believe you may receive it – and see what the Universe sends you!

Have you made a list of the things you are SO grateful for today that you already have in your life?  It is the most effective way to feel good now about your life and to attract that financial freedom you want!

Financial Freedom: Count Your Blessings First! Part 4 of 5 Series

woman giving thanks   Giving Thanks Creates Magic!

There isn’t anything that will put us in a good mood faster and a hopeful state of mind more than sitting down and counting the blessings we already have!

This list can never be too minute, from being thankful for having eyelashes to protect our eyes from debris to having a car to drive or a warm house to live in.
Have you ever counted your every blessing?
We probably couldn’t if we tried because the list would keep growing if we were open to being thankful for each and everything thing – big or small in our life – right down to the microscopic bacteria in our digestive track that helps our food to digest throughout the day.
Since this is TAX season, it’s a great time to take account of all the things we already have, especially if we hope to receive more financial freedom. We can be thankful for that great tax return BEFORE we receive it – and focus on the abundance in our lives NOW.
There is nothing that will ensure more blessings in our lives than counting the ones we already have!
Rhonda Byrne from her book, The Magic outlines this effectively in the following passage:
“When you use gratitude ahead of time to Have A Magical Day it wipes out unexpected problems or difficulties before they happen. The more you use this magical practice, the better your days will become, and from the smallest things to the important things, everything starts going well in your life. The bumpy days smooth out, and instead of frustrating or troublesome things happening in your day, your days start to have a magical flow about them, and things seem to magically go your way, with less effort, no worry, no stress, and far more joy.”
Universal Law of Gratitude:
The more gratitude you feel = the more joy and happiness you feel = the more joy or happiness you feel = the higher your vibrational energy = the higher your vibrational energy = the more you attract wonderful things to your life that cause you to be more grateful and more joyful. It’s as simple as that.  Follow this formula and see what happens in your life!
This LAW has been studied and scientifically proven just like the law of gravity. We do not question the law of gravity. We simply live it, by trusting that when we get out of bed in the morning our feet will “magically” stay on the ground.
When we trust the Universal Law of Gratitude when we get out of bed in the morning, by putting into practice an attitude of gratitude, we will automatically experience more things in our lives for which to be grateful.

If you started counting your blessings right now, beginning with your internal organs working well, without you having to tell them to, ending with everything and everyone you’ve ever been blessed with, I guarantee you will be sitting down for a long time.

Today, write down 100 things for which you are thankful and see if the Universe doesn’t respond and send you much, much more, including that financial freedom you have been longing for!  Want to exponentially increase this magic?  Do it every day for 40 days (the amount it takes to make it a fully ingrained habit within our subconscious)!  I have found doing it for only a few days so far, has made a vast difference in how I go about my day!
You can create a chart like the one below or you can visit Sarah Ban Breathnach’s (author of Gratitude Journal) and see her online gratitude journal:  http://www.simpleabundance.com/gratitude.html

 100 hundred (or begin with 10) things I’m grateful for right now…

Financial Freedom: Breathe Your Way to Success! Part 3 of 5

woman breathing

What does breathing have to do with our financial freedom?

Everything!
If you can, for one moment, imagine that money has the same characteristics as oxygen, the analogy I am about to discuss, will be much easier to understand.
We need oxygen to live. We do not have to create it, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive oxygen is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies – from the time we take our first breath until the time we take our last – to regulate when and how much oxygen we inhale and exhale without even having to give it a second thought.

What if we could get our minds around the idea that money – in its essence – which is simply energy, just like oxygen – is exactly the same way. Our conscious minds might have a difficult time accepting that like oxygen, we do not have to create money, find it, discover it, work for it or pay for it. It is also essential to life functioning and functioning well. It was here before we arrived via our birth and it will be here after we leave our physical bodies. The way in which we receive money is also not our responsibility in that our subconscious minds are already programmed to cause our bodies to regulate when and how much money we take in and give out without even having to give it a second thought.
Is this difficult for you to get your mind around?

Probably.
Why? Because we have been told, taught, programmed, lectured to regarding the fact that “money doesn’t grow on trees, it is not free, it needs to be created, earned, found, and worked really hard for!”
Our parents did not tell us this about oxygen or breathing because our parents knew from their experience that it was simply provided for us, no questions asked. We have an abundance of oxygen each and every day – never do we have to worry or fret about it – never have we been taught to worry or fret about it.
Imagine if this were true of money.
What if we had never been taught to worry or fret about it and we had known from the time we were born that it would be provided to us?

The only difference between those of us in abundance and those in lack is this belief. Whenever a person begins to choose to believe that money, like oxygen is their birth-right simply because they were born and given the exact same opportunities as any other human, they begin to allow and receive money easily, no questions asked.

Unfortunately, most of us – especially those of us who had parents or grandparents who grew up during the depression – were taught that money was lacking and that if we wanted to have any, we better work hard, save it, sometimes hoard it, and certainly not waste it on frivolous or fun things. This very belief is the very thing that has caused most of us to be lacking money at some point in our lives.
If we had been taught from birth that oxygen was not free and we had to work for it, we would most certainly be focusing on our breath, making sure we were breathing all the time and working hard at keeping ourselves alive. However, the entire time, our Divine Intelligence is more than happy to provide it for us, but because we insist on doing it for ourselves, It lets us.

We wouldn’t be able to do much else of course, but that’s okay, because at least we’d be alive.
Fortunately for us, our parents were not born into a world where oxygen was scarce or hard to find – one day, if we keep up with the consumeristic rat-race of producing things and having pollution as the by-product, our children or grandchildren may very well end up in a society that teaches just that: “For heaven’s sake, don’t waste oxygen by running around or playing or having fun – there’s barely enough to go around!”
This is what we’ve been directly or indirectly taught about money.
Let me ask you something: Why on earth would our loving Universal Intelligence be utterly generous when it comes to oxygen and the life-creating substance and then turn around and be stingy in other areas of our lives? It doesn’t make sense.

The Universal Intelligence does not waver in its abundance of the things we need and desire on this earth – it simply responds to our belief systems as an individual and a society. If we believe that money is hard to find; it will be. If we believe that we have to work really, really hard to earn it; it will let us do just that.
So how do we return to what we knew as babies – that everything we needed would be provided for us?
When we took our first breath we knew instantly what it was to have the life-giving gift of breath and we often take it for granted. The first thing we need to do is become aware of our breathing and demonstrate our gratitude for it – for oxygen and the ability to receive it.
30 second Breathing Exercise that could change your life:
Step # 1:  Take a deep breath in and as you breath, say: “Thank you for oxygen!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you for my ability to breathe!”

Step # 2: On the next breath, say: “Thank you for money (you can insert the word of your choice – prosperity, financial freedom, success, love)!” and when you exhale say: “Thank you my ability to receive it!”

Do this as many times as you can or become aware of your breath during the day!
Even if you are sceptical; even if you do not believe a word you’ve read, practice this exercise for 30 seconds whenever you can today and in the next few days. What have you got to lose?
What you have to gain is a great exercise in breathing which always relaxes us, slows our heart rate and sends endorphins throughout our entire system and perhaps, just like oxygen is always provided and in abundance, your financial health may begin to increase as well!

Next Post:  Financial Freedom:  Counting Our Blessings from 1-100

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 4 of 5 Series

photo of water money tree

We Receive What we Invest in, in our Lives!

We can only receive what we can allow ourselves to receive and this is completely proportionate to what we believe, think, feel and how we act towards what it is we want to attract.

If we want to attract more money to our lives; we must first learn how to water and nurture that area, which usually requires some form of transformation or resetting our minds regarding money!

How is our mental blueprint formed?

We need to think of our minds as computers – highly advanced computers – that are programmed from the time of our conception to think, believe and ultimately make choices and take actions, based on those thoughts and beliefs. 

Essentially, our money blueprint (Ecker) is based on the program we’ve received in the past from parents, authority figures, teachers, media, culture, religious leaders, etc regarding our thoughts and attitudes towards money.  Their ways of thinking about money, became ours.

The following outline is my summary of what Harvey T. Ecker lectures about in his 6 part series on our Money Blueprint; here are the ways in which we have been programmed to think about money:

Verbal:  Phrases and messages  we heard when we were young, such as:  “Money is the root of all evil!” “You can’t be rich and spiritual” “Money can’t buy happiness!”  “We can’t afford it!”

Modeling:  What we saw when we were young –  what model or example did our parents establish for us?  Was money a source of joy or bitter arguments?  What happens to us when we see our parents or people we respect act towards money?  “Monkey see, monkey do!”  Ecker says, “humans aren’t far behind.”  We either model what our parents taught us through their example or we do the exact opposite because we are angry or in opposition to being like our parents.

Specific Incidents:  What did we experience (emotional charges)  around money, success and rich people?  We validate what we are taught in our adult lives.  For example, if we witnessed examples of conflict over money, conflict regarding money will ultimately show up in our lives.  Perhaps, we watched our parents receive money only to have it taken or lost in the form of an emergency in the family or something in the house needed to be repaired.  We grow up believing that money will go out as quickly as it comes in and we will continue to create or attract scenarios where this exact phenomenon keeps happening to us. 

How do we reset our Money Thermostat?

Ecker uses the comparison between our mental blueprint about money and a thermostat.  If the thermostat is set to maintain the house at 72 degrees  and someone comes and opens a window and lets the cold air in – no matter what, the thermostat will kick-in and drive the temperature back up to 72 degrees.  If we set the thermostat in the summer to keep us cool and it becomes very hot outside, the thermostat or central air will again kick-in to bring the temperature down and maintain it at what we have programmed it.

Ecker says this is exactly the same with our mental thermostat regarding many issues – particularly our thoughts about what we “need” in order to be comfortable or happy.  If we grew up poor or middle class, we were most likely programmed that just getting by or being able to pay our bills with some left over for entertainment is “living comfortably” and guess what?  That’s all our thermostat will ever allow us to be – comfortable, but not wealthy and not abundant.  Hence, we need to reset our internal thermostat.

How do we do this?

First we must understand that we are made up of four elements:  Spiritual, Mental, Emotional,  and Physical and whatever is going on in the M. E. and S. will manifest itself in the Physical realm.

Beliefs (Spiritual) = Thoughts (Mental) = Feelings (Emotional) = Our Actions and Our Results

Before we can begin to change our Money Thermostat, we must first learn how rich people think.  Here are some basic rules, Ecker outlines that we must follow before we do anything else:

1.  Stop judging rich people – give up the beliefs that “rich people are greedy or selfish” and simply observe and begin to appreciate how they think.  Replace our old programming with new statements:

Rich people are Cheap                   = Rich people are generous

It takes money to make money    = It takes creativity to make money

I’m too old to make a change        = I am able to learn new skills

I can’t be rich and nice                   = I am rich and a nice person

2.  Give up the victim stance and take full responsibility for our own financial situation (stop blaming the economy, others, high interest rates, our parents, etc.)

3.  Take Ownership over our lives and financial situation:  “I create my life!” vs. “life happens to me!”

4.  Stop justifying that we don’t need money, can just get by, just want to be comfortable or that money isn’t that important.

5.  What we focus on, EXPANDS, therefore focus on what’s RIGHT in our lives – not’s what wrong!

6.  Immediately, stop complaining!   Complaining = garbage magnet!

All change begins with Awareness and with new thinking comes new results!

Changing your blue print about money:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeNAGoFSqno

Next Post:  Learn how to love and appreciate money!  Part 5 of 5 Series

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 2 of 5 Series

money on trees

How do we begin to have money serve us, rather than be its servant? 

It’s actually very easy.  We must first recognize that money was created by human beings – not the other way around.  We created money as a form of currency to get what we need and desire.  However, it is interesting how many of us have become a slave to money.

How can we be a slave to something that we ourselves created in order to serve us?  Did money one day take up arms against us, revolt and take us over?  No.  However, our wants and desires did and therefore money has become our master instead of serving many of us.  As soon as we put ourselves in a position of lack or desire; we are then slaves to money, asking the Universe, God or anything else to send us some form of it in abundance. We simply need to take back our power from money – as it is only an illusion that it has any power over us anyway.

How do we take back our power and become the master of money and the master of our lives once again?

Like any loyal and faithful servant that is hired to serve us; we must recognize our position of authority and act from that position.  It wouldn’t do us much good if we hired a cook, gardener, cleaner or anyone else to provide a service to us, and then when they arrived at our house, we tell them, “you know what, do what you want; it would be nice if you would carry out your duties and I will pay you, but really, I have no authority over you, so you can just do whatever you want!”  Hence, we must not do this with money either. Otherwise, it will do just that for us – nothing!  Our belief that we are a slave to money will ultimately allow it to have mastership over us.

We must begin to establish a relationship with money that begins with honesty regarding our feelings and attitude towards it.  Then, we can begin to take ownership over it and become the authoritative master to our loyal and faithful servant that was in fact, created for us and to serve us.

Let’s begin by writing money a letter: 

 Dear Money

I love you and I respect you.  I have known you all of my life.  I have appreciated your worth since time began – the extrinsic power that you have to create excitement, fear, loathing, abhorrence and pleasure.  I have probably felt all of these things towards you at some point or another.  I have felt excitement when I have been given you;  when I have earned you; when you have been spent on me; and when I have spent you.  I have felt sadness and despair when I have lost you and when you have been stolen from me.  I have felt great and profound excitement when I’ve had you.  I have kept you, saved you, wasted you, spent you and given you to others.  I have felt for a long time that you have power over me and I have to beg to have you in my life.  I’ve prayed, pleaded, asked, and cried over you at times.  However, I now recognize my error.

I now recognize my authoritative power and I realize that I am not your servant – you are mine.  You were created by humans in order to aid us in having and obtaining and keeping what it is we desire.  I now recognize that you are a form of energy, manifested in paper and metals and have been created solely to serve us – to serve me.  I now treat you in this form – an energy – a source in order to help me create and have the life I desire.

You are not only my faithful and loyal servant – you are my friend, my aid, my supporter in all things.  You are in my life in abundance and more and more of you is coming to me and to my life.  You are paying off my loans.  You are paying all of my bills easily and effortlessly.  You are coming to me – in my mail, in my email, in my bank account, in my hands and in the form of gifts, prizes, treasures, offers and opportunities that are coming easily and effortlessly to me.  You are coming to me in abundance and I am attracting more and more of you each and every day.  You are my loyal and faithful servant!

You are my loyal and faithful servant and you are to serve me and support me today and the rest of my life – in abundance.  The only thing I owe you is my gratitude. I appreciate you and love you and allow you to NOW flow easily, effortlessly and abundantly into my subconscious, consciousness, life, bank account, wallet and my hands!  My cup and my life runneth over with you!  And I know this to be true.

Your faithful and loyal master, ________________.

I recommend that you write your own letter to money; preferably hand-written first.  There is something very powerful about using our hands and the power of putting ink to paper.  Then, if you wish, you can type it and post it somewhere you will read it every day for at least 30 days – although 40 days seems to be the magic number when it comes to creating a habit.

May you begin to see the physical manifestation in your life that money is not only your friend, but your loyal and faithful servant that wishes to be your companion and helper each and every day of your life!

Powerful Subliminal Training for Money:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlw97AQyswc

Next Post:  Money: Taking Note of Where it is and isn’t Serving You!

Money: How to Make it Serve You! Part 1 of 5 Series

man walking money

How do we make money serve us?

In order to transform our Money Consciousness we must first begin to transform our subconscious beliefs about money.

How do we do this?

We can begin by using our own thoughts, words and actions to re-program our neuro-pathways and ultimately, our beliefs about money.

#1:  Re-Programming Our Subconscious Thoughts Regarding Money:

 If we grew up with limiting beliefs about money such as;

Money doesn’t grow on trees!

People with money are stuck up!

We need only enough to get by!

We’re not meant to be wealthy!

we will continue to harbour these core beliefs and they will block or create obstacles in our lives to obtaining and keeping money.  Therefore, we need to first begin with re-programming our thoughts regarding money.  It is best to do this at the subconscious level.  There are several videos on the internet that allow us to do this easily and effortlessly – it only requires that we give 10-15 minutes per day to view and listen to high-frequency, subliminal messages regarding money.

Why subliminal messages?  Isn’t that scary?

 Yes, it can be scary to allow subliminal messages into our psyches.  However, there are many reputable sites out there that provide free, yet stimulating videos that do just that.  I always tell people to use their intuition when choosing any site, book, video or resource to transform their life.  If the video resonates with you and brings you a sense of peace or excitement, then it is probably safe to utilize.  If you are watching something that irritates you or does not resonate with you, stop watching it and search for something that does.  Below is a link to a video from www.igodmind.com that I have found to bring me peace and resonates with my subconscious.  I recommend watching it (or any video that feels right for you!) for 30 days at least; until you begin to notice that your own conscious thoughts regarding money and luck begin to change and ultimately, you will begin to see external circumstances begin to shift for you as well.

#2:  Re-programming our Words Regarding Money:

We need to be careful to not negate our work by verbalizing defeating and negative comments throughout our day, such as, “Oh, that’s just my luck!” or “I can’t afford that!” These negative statements will undo all of the work we have done in order to re-program and transform our money consciousness.  If we find ourselves thinking or saying something negative regarding money or abundance in our life, we can simply say, immediately, “I cancel, cancel, cancel this thought!” and then repeat a positive statement regarding money or abundance in our life, such as, “I am a magnet for money!”

#3: Re-Programming Our Actions Regarding Money: 

If we desire to transform our money consciousness, we must act as if we believe we are deserving of and already have abundance. How do we do this? We need to take action in order to send a very significant message to the Universe that we believe we are deserving and have a positive consciousness regarding money.  The most effective way to do this is to imagine what you would do or buy for yourself if money was no object; the other thing you can do is to imagine what symbolic item you associate with being wealthy.  For example, I associate fresh-cut flowers in a home as symbolic as a luxury and an extravagance and so I have made a habit of buying them for myself on a weekly basis in order to demonstrate to the Universe that I am deserving and can afford extravagance and luxury in my life.

Perhaps you can make a list of items that you have been holding off purchasing for yourself or you deem extravagant; choose one from your list that you will treat yourself to on a regular basis no matter what your financial circumstances.

Link:  Subliminal Messages for Money:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlw97AQyswc
Next Post:  Money: Turning the Tables and Making it Serve You!

Making Mistakes: How to Embrace Them! Part 1 of 5 Series

beaut from a  dark room
How many of us have made a mistake in our lives? 

Every one of us!  One of the most comforting things I have learned from studying literature that spans centuries is that I have come to understand one invaluable lesson:  whatever error or mistake we make; someone, somewhere in history has already made it already!

As part of the human race we share a number of important things:

1.  We are made of blood, muscle and bones.

2.  We feel sadness, anger, love, jealousy, joy and many other emotions.

3.  We are mortal.

4.  We are all connected.

5.  We ALL make mistakes.

Avril Lavigne sings in her song, Complicated, “Chill out, what you yellin’ for?
Lay back, it’s all been done before,” so we can comfort ourselves in the fact that whatever we do to err in this life; it’s already been done at least once – probably millions of times!

How do we deal with the fact that we are not perfect and that we do make mistakes?

1.  We need to embrace our darkness – that part of ourselves that is quite capable – if not expert – at making mistakes.

2.  We need to own up to our mistakes the best we can and be determined to learn from them; so that we do not repeat them and we are able to approach the same situation in a much better and clearer perspective next time.

3.  We need to remember that what our mistakes teach us most of all is this:  To not judge others when they make mistakes and to demonstrate compassion to others in their mistakes.

4.  We need to learn to demonstrate that same compassion for ourselves – that is the ONLY way to be more compassionate to our fellow human.

5.  We need to learn to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake and not ruminate about it – thinking about our error will indefinitely lead to more mistakes as we will not be focused on improving, but on our fear of faltering again, and therefore, we will re-create more mistakes.

Next Post:  Our Ugly Side – How to Embrace It!

 you have the power

Related Articles:

Making  Mistakes to Enhance Self-Esteem and Improve Performance http://www.excelatlife.com/articles/mistakes.htm

How to Bounce back from a Mistake: http://99u.com/tips/7089/How-To-Bounce-Back-From-A-Big-Mistake

Try Again by Aaliyah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjnbozivsEo

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: You Don’t Have to Like Your Family! Part 7 of 10

girl pulling her hair out

Does your family make you want to pull your hair out?

Well, you’re in good company.  I have rarely talked to anyone who hasn’t, at one time or another, been frustrated with their family members.

Wayne Dyer says this about family: 

Friends are God‘s way of making up for our families.”

How many of us have spent a lifetime trying to understand, get along with, make peace with, be understood by or simply communicate with our families to no avail?  How many us have been disappointed, hurt, frustrated, or completely exasperated with one family member or another?

Take it from me – I do understand. I am the youngest of seven siblings – and almost ten years younger than the ones next to me in age.  Essentially, I had the experience of growing up in a large family; and also as an only child.  With numerous personalities within one family, there will always be issues, disputes, and fights; sometimes knock-down, drag-out fights!

However, we need to look at our families differently; this has helped me a great deal.  It wasn’t until I realized that my family was less about people with whom I had to get along, have understand me or be extremely close to and much more about the spiritual and emotional work I have to do on this earth – in this physical journey.

In essence, we need to stop looking at our family members as people who should (there’s that word again – see my post on “Forget your Shoulds!”) be a certain way or understand us or be there for us.  Our family members are this:  Spiritual Bumper Cars.

Essentially, we are stuck in a perpetual game with them for this lifetime. 

Have you ever noticed the big poles to which bumper cars are attached?  There is a steering wheel within these small, colourful cars, but who are we kidding – we aren’t in control of those damn cars – not even our own!   We go along steering, trying in vain to either hit into the others or avoid them, and all the while, we really have no control at all – nor can we remove our car from the game.

Hence, this is how we need to think of our family members – especially if there is dissonance between us and them.  When we arrive on this earth, we have no control in which family we are born or what personalities the rest of them will have.  We spend almost our entire lives in this Bumper Car game with them – sometimes managing to move around them; sometimes bumping into them and having a good laugh and sometimes, we get hurt when we bump into them too hard or vice versa.

What’s the good news about looking at our family members this way?

It takes the pressure off of us to have some deep, meaningful relationship (if you do, that’s wonderful – but many do not) and we can see them more objectively as the people with whom we are meant to do our spiritual and emotional work during our journey here on earth.

In fact, I believe that we are meant to bump up, crash into and even get hurt by these people we call parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and yes, even our own children.  They are our reflections and our work.  So, now you have permission to stop longing for them to change or understand them at every moment or even having a relationship with them at all.  Of course, it is never good to hold on to grudges or resentment – this poison only hurts us – not them.  If we need to forgive them, then we must do this for us – not them.

However, the next time you visit or spend time with your family members and you can view them as if in a game with a bunch of bumper cars around you, it may take a little pressure off and even be a little more fun during the experience.

If only when they bump into us and shake us to our core, could we laugh like we do in a game of good old bumpers cars!

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You – Speak Your Truth! Part 8 of 10

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Forget Your Shoulds! Part 6 of 10 Series

progressisimpossiblewithoutchange

angry girl pointing her fingerangry guy pointing his finger“You SHOULD!”

How many times have we shaken our fingers at ourselves about something we should have done, should be doing, or should do soon?  We are often “shoulding” ourselves about something; and this is not surprising as most of us could not count how many times we have been told in our past about something we should do.  We have heard it from our parents, adults, teachers, authority figures, siblings, peers in the past and perhaps even now; and more often, from ourselves.  We are carrying on a tradition that others began inside of our minds and we should stop!  Okay, this is the one should you can listen to!

For example, how many us are able to accomplish our New year’s resolutions?  Most of us are not successful because we often try to change things that are so well-established not only as a habit and part of our life-style,  but in the neuro-pathways of our mind.

One exercise that I completed in my four years of training to be a psycho-therapist was extremely helpful in  helping me begin to make changes – albeit small changes at first – in my life and getting rid of my shoulds and turning them into accomplishments.

Many of us have a long list of shoulds:

I should go to the gym

I should go on a diet

I should be more patient

I should travel more

I should save my money for travel

I should save more!  Work more!  Work less!

…and the list goes on.

For some reason, the word “should” continues to resonate in our minds as a non-committal, sit-on-the-fence mentality that rarely ever brings about action, let alone change.   Hence, we continue to tell ourselves that we should do this or we should do that; and we almost never get around to it.

The exercise to change this kind of mentality is very simple – and yet it works.  It entails making a list of our shoulds.  Then, after reading it through, we need to decide whether we WILL or we WON’T take the action.  After we decide, we need to literally cross out the word “should” and write above it (or below it) the words “I will” or “I won’t”.  For example, if you have on your list, “I should eat less” cross out the should and write what you’ve decided to do:  I will eat less or I won’t eat less.

After you’ve finished “correcting” your list, then tuck it away somewhere and leave it for a month or two months – however long you can wait.  I did this for one month and when I returned to my list – I could barely remember what I had written on it – I had accomplished all but one of the things that I had previously, so many times said I should do.

For some reason, our brain is able to make connections to our commitment to take action and either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to make small – and sometimes big – changes in our lives.  What can an exercise like this one hurt?  Perhaps, if you return to your list and you still have things to change, you can redo the list and re-commit.  I know for me, this was the beginning of changing my entire language around accomplishing anything.

For example, another non-committal word is trying.  “Trying is lying” to ourselves.  As long as we are in the should stage or the trying stage, we do not accomplish the things we want.  Instead of saying, “I should work out three times per week,” say, “I will or I am working out three times per week.”  Instead of saying, “I’m trying to change” simply say, “I am changing ________ about my life” or “I will change _________ in my life.”  Period.  We wouldn’t want a non-committal reply from people we are relying on, so why do we accept it from ourselves?

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You:  You Don’t Have to Like Your Family!  Part 7 of 10