Tag Archive | Self-Love

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Forget Your Shoulds! Part 6 of 10 Series

progressisimpossiblewithoutchange

angry girl pointing her fingerangry guy pointing his finger“You SHOULD!”

How many times have we shaken our fingers at ourselves about something we should have done, should be doing, or should do soon?  We are often “shoulding” ourselves about something; and this is not surprising as most of us could not count how many times we have been told in our past about something we should do.  We have heard it from our parents, adults, teachers, authority figures, siblings, peers in the past and perhaps even now; and more often, from ourselves.  We are carrying on a tradition that others began inside of our minds and we should stop!  Okay, this is the one should you can listen to!

For example, how many us are able to accomplish our New year’s resolutions?  Most of us are not successful because we often try to change things that are so well-established not only as a habit and part of our life-style,  but in the neuro-pathways of our mind.

One exercise that I completed in my four years of training to be a psycho-therapist was extremely helpful in  helping me begin to make changes – albeit small changes at first – in my life and getting rid of my shoulds and turning them into accomplishments.

Many of us have a long list of shoulds:

I should go to the gym

I should go on a diet

I should be more patient

I should travel more

I should save my money for travel

I should save more!  Work more!  Work less!

…and the list goes on.

For some reason, the word “should” continues to resonate in our minds as a non-committal, sit-on-the-fence mentality that rarely ever brings about action, let alone change.   Hence, we continue to tell ourselves that we should do this or we should do that; and we almost never get around to it.

The exercise to change this kind of mentality is very simple – and yet it works.  It entails making a list of our shoulds.  Then, after reading it through, we need to decide whether we WILL or we WON’T take the action.  After we decide, we need to literally cross out the word “should” and write above it (or below it) the words “I will” or “I won’t”.  For example, if you have on your list, “I should eat less” cross out the should and write what you’ve decided to do:  I will eat less or I won’t eat less.

After you’ve finished “correcting” your list, then tuck it away somewhere and leave it for a month or two months – however long you can wait.  I did this for one month and when I returned to my list – I could barely remember what I had written on it – I had accomplished all but one of the things that I had previously, so many times said I should do.

For some reason, our brain is able to make connections to our commitment to take action and either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to make small – and sometimes big – changes in our lives.  What can an exercise like this one hurt?  Perhaps, if you return to your list and you still have things to change, you can redo the list and re-commit.  I know for me, this was the beginning of changing my entire language around accomplishing anything.

For example, another non-committal word is trying.  “Trying is lying” to ourselves.  As long as we are in the should stage or the trying stage, we do not accomplish the things we want.  Instead of saying, “I should work out three times per week,” say, “I will or I am working out three times per week.”  Instead of saying, “I’m trying to change” simply say, “I am changing ________ about my life” or “I will change _________ in my life.”  Period.  We wouldn’t want a non-committal reply from people we are relying on, so why do we accept it from ourselves?

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You:  You Don’t Have to Like Your Family!  Part 7 of 10

10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You – The Naked Truth About Yourself! Part 5 of 10 Series

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The 5th Thing Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You:

You are NOT your house, job, car, money or possessions!

I want you to imagine for a moment that you are just you.  Imagine that you are sitting on the bench above and you have no job, no career, no family, no clothes, no car, no possessions and you have to rely simply on who you as a person.  Now ask yourself these questions:

1.  Who am I? What qualities or attributes do I possess within me that make me who I am?

2.  How do I use my possessions to tell myself, my family and the world who I am? Can I live with myself without all of these “things” representing me?

I am going to preface this post with saying that there is nothing wrong with being blessed and having a home, job, career, car – even two or three cars, a family, lovely clothes and lots of possessions.  We are entitled to our divine inheritance as is everyone on this planet.

However, there is something wrong with tying our whole identity as a human being – the organic, molecular structure and the spirit within us – to a series or collection of physical inorganic, man-made items that we call “ours”.  Why?  Only because we get so tied up and stressed out with the purpose of obtaining – and then maintaining and sustaining – these things that we forget our own self-worth – who we truly are without these things.

I am convinced this is why many people who become wealthy or famous or politically successful fall into the temptation of corruption – it’s because they forget who they are at the core – they’ve lost sight of their inner self that has integrity and honesty – in the pursuit of fame, fortune and prestige.  The rest of us who live moderately successful lives also do this – perhaps not on the same scale, but we forget or resent spending time with our families because work is more important; we don’t take care of our own health because we are too busy running around to actually run.

What good are any of these things, if we are lying in bed with a disease caused from the stress of obtaining and keeping these things or we have lost our families because of our negligence?

It all comes down to this:

Net Worth vs. Personal Currency:

Have we put our “Net Worth” before our own Personal Currency – what we are worth as a human being?   I am here to tell you that your net worth is not – and never will be – worth more than your own personal currency which consists of your character, your spirit, your ideas and the love you have to offer to your fellow human beings.

We can easily lose our jobs, houses, cars, family and all of our possessions; but the real tragedy is when we lose ourselves – our humanity, our integrity, our kindness, our patience towards others and our own families.  So today, go sit on a park bench during your lunch and take inventory. If this bench was your home, could you live with yourself?

Next Post:  The 6th Thing Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You!

10 Things Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You: Go Have Fun! – Part 4 of 10

Happy kids Happy kids

What do these children have to teach you?             Everything! 

One of my favourite exercises that allows us to not only get in touch with our inner child and understand who they are; but also allows us to reconnect with ourselves as adults and understand who we REALLy are, is taking the time to do two things:

1.  Find a picture of yourself (that you really like) when you were a child; enlarge it, frame it and put it somewhere you can see it every day!

2.  Communicate with this child on an on-going basis – everyday, if possible.

Finding the photo should be the easy part.

How do we go about communicating with our inner child and why should we even bother? 

The child that we once were, in its innocence and youth was the true core of who we were meant to be as adults.  Along the way, with school, peers, parents, teachers, authority figures telling us who we were and who we ought to be – we began to lose our connection with our inner child.  However, that child hasn’t gone anywhere!

He/She is within us, waiting for us to come out and play, if you will.    Similar to the Holiday Song, Frosty the Snowman, when he says, “Now don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day!” we have said to our inner child.  However, how many of us have ever bothered to return to our inner child and went out and played with full abandonment?

We are like Frosty – no one believes that as adults we should dance and sing and play and be silly like children, but I’m here to tell you that we love this story because it is just that –  unbelievable and silly!

Have a look at the photos above of these young children.  What do you imagine would be their message to us as adults?  I encourage you to sit down as soon as possible and write a letter (or just a question or two) to your inner child and ask it what it would tell you about yourself:

1.  What qualities did you possess as a child?

2.  What did you love to do?

3.  What did you dream of becoming?

4.  What advice does he/she have for you about some situation in your life that you are at a loss about?

5.  What recommendation does he/she have for you in order to have more fun, joy and laughter in your life?

I have done this exercise and it works.  Just like John Lennon says, “There will be an Answer” if you take the time to talk and listen to your inner – Authentic Self, today! To get you into a more playful, open state, watch the video below!  It’s fun!

Frosty the Snowman (video and lyrics)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGDi8TqqeX8

Next Post:  The 5th Thing Your Authentic Self Has to Tell You!

10 Things Your Authentic Self Has To Tell You: Love Yourself! Part 3 of 10 Series

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Have you ever kissed or hugged yourself?  Did you know that doing these two things can actually open your heart chakra (http://www.healer.ch/Chakras-e.html ) and physically help you to feel more loving towards yourself and others.

We all know the “cliché” (it’s only a cliché because it’s true!) that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.  This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first.  How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Even Jesus understood this basic premise – he fed people before he preached to them because he knew he must first show his love (feeding someone is one of the most wonderful acts of love towards humanity) to his listeners and in return they would be open to his loving message.

However, how do we love ourselves when most days we don’t always feel that great about ourselves or our lives?  I will end this blog with a great video by Louise Hay about how to begin feeling love towards ourselves and how to practice loving ourselves.

 Top FIVE Experts on Loving Yourself:

1.  Jesus said of loving yourself:

“And the Commandment is Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”  (Mark 12:31)

Of course Jesus was saying that we must love others, but most importantly he mentions that we must love them like we love ourselves which he understood is really the most important aspect of being able to give and receive love.  We cannot give or receive love from anyone unless we understand what it is to love ourselves.

2.  Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) on loving yourself:

“To truly love yourself you must cultivate honest self-awareness, unconditional self-acceptance and courageous self-expression. When you do this, you will experience true joy.”

3. The Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

4.  Debbie Ford on loving yourself (the good, the bad and the ugly):

“I think I would tell everybody that you have the right to love all of who you are.  The dark and the light. The good and the bad. The human and the divine. The weak and the strong. The meanness and the kindness.  The selfish and the selfless. That is why we are here. That’s real love. That’s learning to love. We’re here to learn to love all of  who we are. When we love all of who we are, we love all of who everyone else is. It’s easy to love yourself when you wake up  feeling good and you have enough money and enough health and all the things we look for. But is that even love? Our job is that stretch.  How do I love myself when I’m broke, or how do I love myself when I feel insignificant, or insecure, or angry? That is our birthright.  That’s when we return to wholeness. It is really the hardest thing a human can do – is to love all of one’s self.”

5.  Louise Hay on Loving Yourself:

Louise Hay  is the pioneer teacher of how to love yourself and in the video below you can listen to her explain about how important and powerful loving yourself is: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI0IvcjWSww&feature=player_embedded

***May you spend the rest of day feeling love for yourself – remember it is not so much a feeling, but a vibrational frequency that you can tune in to whenever you choose – dial into the Love Station 101.5 and keep it programmed in your mind!

Next Blog:  Top Five Experts on How to Attract More Love to Your Life…