Rejoicing in Love
For the past six years I have been technically single – meaning I have dated for a few months but have not been in a long-term relationship. Why is that? Good question. It isn’t because I haven’t desired it. It isn’t because I haven’t attracted a lot of people in which to date. It’s probably a combination of a number of things.
What are the obstacles that we create for ourselves when it comes to manifesting a loving relationship?
#1: Negative Affirmations:
One obstacle that I created for myself is that while I was writing and saying affirmations that I wanted to find a great person to love; I spent a lot of my time commiserating with girlfriends about my awful dates – which of course, only attracted more awful dates in which to confirm my “stuck” belief that dating is not fun. I had to change my perspective about dating and to be sure that I was affirming I wanted great dates with great people more than I was commiserating.
#2: Negative Beliefs:
Negative Beliefs are more difficult to change or uproot than simply changing our words. These are sometimes deeply rooted beliefs from our childhood or from our past experiences and are often associated and tangled with emotions that are stored in our memories and in our bodies. For example, if someone has wounded you by being unfaithful to you and you have not fully addressed it, healed from it and forgiven the person in completeness, you still have a wound that is not fully healed. It may have scabbed over; but underneath it is still infection and we all know what happens when infection brews beneath the surface. It can then seep into the rest of our body and create havoc in many other areas. This is why it is imperative to be true to ourselves and face our anger or sadness around this area. How can we believe that we will attract a partner who is faithful if we still have infection from the last hurtful experience brewing beneath the surface? The only way is to become aware of it, talk about it with someone and work through the pain until we can ultimately and truly forgive the hurt.
# 3: Fear:
This is similar to the previous obstacle in that a lot of fear we have originates in our childhood or past experiences where we are taught to fear certain things, whether that be love or success or prosperity. Often we are taught that if we actually do possess these things they will be taken away from us. A too good to be true type of mentality. Many people, when things are going really well in their lives become fearful that something bad is going to happen. This is a normal and human response to our anxiety driven environment. We are so used to having stress, anxiety or worry in our lives that when things alleviate and we actually find ourselves happy or at peace, there is an automatic response in our minds that something bad must be going to happen. This in turn, gives us something to worry about and therefore reinstates the “state” in which we’ve become accustomed. This is not a normal or natural state in that we are meant to be at peace and be happy. We are meant to commune with nature and run through grassy fields jumping for joy. Hence, when we escape to the quiet woods or serene waters, we feel this way, if only briefly until our minds take us from our present moment of peace to an internal world of chaotic thinking. When you find yourself happy or at peace, do not fret. It is not that something bad is going to happen next. It is that a part of your brain feels compelled to be stressed or worry about something and so it creates that very thing. The best thing to do when you find this happening is to thank your mind for working so hard and then instantly begin an affirmation in response to it such as, “I am deserving of happiness and peace and all is well in my life.” Repeat this until your mind settles down and begins to feel at peace. Repeat as needed!
# 4: Unforgiveness:
Unforgiveness is the number one reason for the things that we desire not manifesting themselves in our lives. It is also the number one cause of illness, often because negative thinking, bitterness and gal comes from unforgiveness and left unchecked in the body, produces toxins which can manifest themselves in the form of disease such as cancer. This is what unresolved pain and hurt from past relationships can do to our present ones. We do not forgive for the other person as much as for ourselves. Letting people off the hook for the things they have done – big and small – is extremely important for releasing wonderful things into our lives. As difficult as it is to forgive; it’s more difficult to live a life of mediocrity and with just enough money or not enough love. Aren’t we asking the Universe in asking for what we desire to “forgive us our trespasses as WE forgive those who trespass against us”? This is why it is imperative to resolve issues and forgive others; not so much for them and to let them off the hook, but ultimately to free ourselves to fully attract safe, loving relationships in our present.
# 5: Our Language:
Attracting what we want is a twofold effort. We must be sure that our thoughts and beliefs match our words and that our words match our actions. We must repeat our affirmations daily and as often as we can; but we must also be sure that the energy we give our words matches our true desire and feelings about what we perceive we will have once our desire is manifested. For example, if you imagine that finding love will bring you happiness, joy, contentment and peace then your words to attract your mate must mirror this in their energy. Simply, when you say, “I am deserving of a wonderful romantic life-mate or husband/wife” say it with as much joy, happiness and energy as you can muster. It is not our words that attract what we desire so much as it is the energy we exude when we think and say them.
From “Me” to “We”: Revising Our Love List
In addition, something that became very useful to me was not only what I thought and said but what I wrote. Instead of writing a list of “I wants” in a partner, let us attempt to write a list that encompasses both people’s needs and desires once we find each other. For example, “We share in wonderful experiences and share common goals.” This makes it less about meeting our own needs and meeting the needs of the relationship as a whole. I have included a sample of my own revised list from “me” to “we”.
In revising my own list, I have put an intention out to the universe of what I truly want in a partner and will not settle for second best again – ever!!!!
Do Not Strive to Find Perfection; Strive to find a Perfect Mate for You
Will everything be perfect? Of course not. We need to recognize that we have areas of individual growth and maturity on which to work and we need to understand this is also true with respect to how we communicate and respond to each other within a relationship. I don’t know of a perfect relationship out there; I only know of couples who are willing to work together for a mutually respectful, loving, fun, romantic relationship and ones where people give up because the other person is not perfect or has issues. I have realized a few revelations after having a long-term relationship with myself:
#1: The adage that “There is no perfect person; only a person with whom you can live with his/her imperfections” is absolutely true.
#2: We need to forgive the other person for their idiosyncrasies if we expect to be forgiven for ours!
#3: Find the humour in everything you share – even your annoyances. It is sometimes beneficial to exchange a list of things that are your pet peeves (or were in past relationships) – a kind of non-wish list that we hope the other person will respect right off the bat so that silly, unimportant issues will not cause problems between you and your partner later on. Even though these seem like trivial items, they represent respect and attempting to make each other’s lives a little more peaceful. We have enough annoying things to deal with such as traffic and everyday occurrences that when we come home we would rather not deal with unnecessary annoyances from each other.
#4: We will never find the perfect person and if we continue to expect it, we will end up perfectly single for the rest of our lives.
Of course, it is never good to settle for less than what we want or to ever tolerate abuse of any kind, but if the issues with our partner are every day issues that every other couple experiences from time to time, then we can try to work through them and move on from them. The truth is every person we meet or date is simply a reflection of ourselves and guess what? If we dump the person we are with, we will inevitably end up looking in the same mirror with the next person we choose until we truly face the reasons why we continue to attract these qualities in someone else.
The “Me” to “We” List for Attracting the Love You Desire:
I am so happy and grateful for my romantic relationship!
- I am enjoying a wonderful, romantic, mutually exclusive, respectful, fun and emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, financially healthy and fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage, with a wonderful person.
- We feel an effortless and easy connection with each other.
- We are attracted to each other very much.
- We genuinely love each other.
- We share similar spiritual and philosophical outlooks.
- We feel inspired and excited by each other and by our lives together.
- We feel at ease and comfortable with each other.
- We understand and reciprocate compassion for each other.
- We share in wonderful conversations and common activities that we really enjoy.
10.We respect and admire each other for who we are.
11.We both love the water, share excitement about boating, water activities and owning a home and a cottage on the water.
12.We share similar dreams and goals for our lives with passion, volunteer work, and enjoying life and travelling.
13.We feel at ease and safe in our love for each other.
14.We make each other want to be better people.
15.We are proud of each other and support each other in the things in which we believe and do.
16.We make each other feel loved, beautiful, (he feels manly) wanted, sexy and we only want to be with each other.
17.We are both open-minded and open-hearted to each other, other people and the needs of our global community.
18.We feel heard and understood by each other.
19.We have fun and laugh together every single day!
20.We feel like we are each other’s soul mate.
I challenge you to revise your list if it has been primarily “I” based and change it around to encompass the things in which you desire to share with your partner – a mutually beneficial relationship that is a win-win for both of you once you find each other. And be sure, you will find each other!