Tag Archive | worry

F.E.A.R: False Expectations Appearing Real – How to Worry Less and Follow Your Dreams! Part 4 of Top 5 Series

Mark Twain photo

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened!”  Mark Twain

Take if from a man who knows.  Mark Twain lived and wrote in a time and a place where his subject matter (racism & slavery) was not generally appreciated.  He also tried his hand at making a traditional living and then decided to quit and live his dream of being a writer, which wasn’t always easy or without its financial setbacks.  However, he persevered and is now one of the most well-loved and well-known American writers of all time.  To read more about his bio, visit: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1244.Mark_Twain

F.E.A.R:  False Expectations Appearing Real

How many of us, since our childhood have had dreams of being a writer, artist, photographer, dancer, musician or any number of creative pursuits, only to have those dreams squashed by the inevitable good intentions of a parent, teacher or authority figure with the words: “Well, you don’t want to become that!  You’ll never make a living at it!”

I wonder how many people have heard these words – or some variant of them – and how many have given up right then and there and buried those longings deep within; and how many, despite or in spite of those words, went headlong in the pursuit of their dreams just to prove that person wrong.  I don’t know about you – but I find the latter type of people – even if they weren’t all that successful – or at least not until after they were dead – much more inspiring than those who resigned themselves to a life and career that was more safe and secure.

These False Expectations – fears of what might happen – refer to the fears we have about stepping out into the canyon of our dreams.  Much like in the movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he is standing right at the edge of a huge canyon and he knows in order to get to the other side he must cross it.  However, there is no path or bridge – at least that he can see with his human eye.  He has to essentially step out first in complete faith, before the next step appears for him.

It is never easy to do this.  What if we step out and we plummet to our death?  What if we step out and fail?  This type of fear is based on false expectations – which seem very real – that we will fail.  Why do we expect to fail, however?  Where do these thoughts or beliefs come from?  We know of plenty – thousands – maybe millions – of people who have stepped out and they have succeeded – some from talent and some from sheer luck or being in the right place at the right time:   Oprah, Brittney Spears, Donald Trump – how many more?

Why do we perceive ourselves so different from these people?  They are, after all, simply human just like us.  They came into this world just like us and will leave it the same way.  Why is their journey destined to be so much more wrought with financial success or fame or living their dreams?

I am here to tell you that it is not.  One of my favourite quotations is: “Well, no one told me I couldn’t do it!  So I did it!”  The only difference between most of us longing for our lost dreams and those living them is one thing – FEAR – the false ideas and core beliefs we have about ourselves and our lives.  We tend to remain where it is comfortable and safe.

I can tell you that I have never had anything too exciting happen to me by staying comfortable or safe. Trekking off to Colombia, South America to teach when I knew no one, was not without its discomfort or danger – but I did it and it changed my entire perspective – and I wrote a book about it!  Applying and re-applying to Teacher’s College and getting rejected twice before getting my – albeit 11th hour admittance – was not comforting to my ego.  Sitting for hours and hours pouring my blood, sweat and tears into three, now almost four novels, knowing full well that I might never get published wasn’t very comfortable either.  Heading off to do missionary work for three months in a foreign country didn’t feel very safe – but the experience changed my life.  Flying to Honduras to write for a month when I barely had enough money to live – the money turned up, however – didn’t make me feel very comfortable either.  Resigning from my secure paying teaching job in a small town to brave the big city of Toronto  to teach and write where I was most happiest, wasn’t very comforting or safe – but here I am – two years later, in Toronto, writing, teaching and enjoying my life.

Is it without struggles?  No.  Have I had my faith stretched as far as it could possibly go the last few years?  Yes.  Has a job always came?  Yes.  Have I survived?  Yes.  Am I determined more than ever to be financially free to write and travel this vast world now that I have had so many caverns and canyons to cross?  Absolutely!  This is what stepping out does – either by miracle, luck or perseverance we do make it the other side – and each time, it makes us more and more fear – less!

I once read a quotation that said, “Never sit down to write, until you have the courage to stand up and live!” (Henry David Thoreau).  Hence, I am now sitting down to write – and to write with everything I have in me regarding my blog and my posts, because I have stood up and lived and I want to encourage you to do this as well.  Do I suggest quitting your job tomorrow and taking up painting?  No.  What I suggest are a few practical things:

1. Make a list of all of your False Expectations:  every fear, worry, excuse, reason as to why you shouldn’t be living your dream and why you will fail.  Then burn it, toss it, rip it up!

2.   Read Debbie Ford’s “Best Year of Your Life” and “What Colour is Your Parachute?” by Richard Nelson Bolles who states: ” Always define WHAT you want to do with your life and WHAT you have to offer to the world, in terms of your favorite talents/gifts/skills-not in terms of a job-title.”  Incidentally, he was fired from his job in 1968 and you should see what has come out of him crossing this cavern of failure to his success.  Check out his bio – well worth the read:  http://www.first30days.com/experts/richard-nelson-bolles

3.  Make a plan of what your dreams or goals are – go revisit your childhood – your inner child will tell you exactly what those dreams were.

4.  Simplify Your Life – get rid of all the things, ideas and even people (especially toxic and negative ones) that are cluttering your life and holding you back!

5.  Then put all of your energy into what you love – or all of your spare energy until things begin to start opening up for you.  Since I began this blog and really focusing on writing – and writing the things that I am most passionate about – which is everything I have learned through my education, experience, people, setbacks and successes – my writing, my creativity, my inspiration and opportunities have opened up exponentially for me.  Just today, without even asking for it, I was asked if I’d like to teach a Writer’s Craft Course, which I have been longing to do for over five years.

6.  Then figure out how your dreams will meet the needs of the world.  Service to others and making this world a better place for others while also nurturing your dreams is the best way to watch the Universe open its doors to you!

Leap of Faith (Indiana Jones)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_-BOvWVycM

Remember:  W.O.R.R.Y.    Wondering Obsessively Rarely Reaps Your…Dreams!

Next Post:  F.E.A.R:  Forgetting Everything is All Right – How to Have More Faith!

L.O.V.E. What is it, how do we find it and is it ALL we need? Part 2 of Top 10 Series

albert on energyAlbert Einstein

It is our beliefs, thoughts and experiences that make the answers to these questions regarding love very complicated.  Let’s simplify it:

1.  What is it?    It is a form of energy.

2.  How do we find it?  We don’t – we express it and we attract it.

3.  Is it ALL we need?  Yes.

By a dictionary definition Love is:  noun, verb (www.dictionary.com)

1.  a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
Love, in fact, is not an emotion at all.
We definitely feel emotions surrounding it, but love itself is simply a form of energy vibration with its own frequency – that we are either capable of receiving from or sending out into – the world.
However, this capability of receiving or sending love depends upon our openness to it.  Think of love like a radio station with its own frequency of 101.5.  If we are tuned into 101.5 we are capable of receiving and responding to this frequency.  However, if we are tuned into 97.5 (the frustration station), we will not be able to receive or respond to 101.5.   Now this does not mean that the love station is not sending out frequencies – it simply means we are not tuned into it at the moment.
Which leads to the answer for question # 2:  How do we find it?  We do not find love.  We are love; we are able to connect to the love station at any given moment if we choose to.  Like gravity, which exists at every moment whether we are conscious of it or not, love’s frequency is constantly flowing towards us, through us and from us.  While gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth; love keeps us connected to all of humanity.
We walk around all day, every day rarely thinking about gravity; we just trust that it is there keeping us on this earth.  However, every once in awhile when we take off our shoes and plant our feet in the soft grass or the squishy sand, we do become aware of our connection to this earth.
Similarly, we walk around most days rarely thinking about love or that we are always connected to it.  Why?  Because our minds, with the constant external stimulation of our lives – traffic, people, getting where we are going, consuming, talking, paying bills – are not tuned into love’s station.  We usually wake up with our alarms tuned to that frustration station of 97.5 and never turn the channel all day long!
However, we can learn to change the station and tune into 101.5.  Surprisingly, it’s not much more difficult than raising our hand to turn the radio button or the remote control but we certainly make it more complicated.   We have to simply decide in to which frequency we are going to choose to be tuned.  It might even help today to consciously think about what radio station we are setting our alarms to…what type of station or music do we wake up to in the morning?  Is it soft and calming or is it the news with all of its graphic negative stories about what went wrong in the world yesterday or music that really doesn’t resonate with awakening?
I once counted how many times I actually changed the radio station in my car on my thirty minute route to work.  I changed it 21 times mostly because of the following reasons:  there was too much talking, too much advertising, too much negativity or simply because I didn’t like the music they were playing.  If I can take the energy and time to change my radio station 41 times in one half hour to tune into something that resonates with my spirit and makes me feel good, how much more difficult can it be to exert this same energy to change my thoughts and tune into love?
I have been consciously putting this into practice in the last month as I drive to work.  Every time I get upset at another driver, think about something someone said to me yesterday or any number of thoughts (these are our pre-programmed radio stations) that enter my mind that bring me down or cause me to feel anything less than love, I simply change my “mind” to another station.
One way is to simply counteract the thought with something positive, or to tune into a song that makes me feel better or reviewing what I have to be thankful for.  It is an amazing phenomenon that happens – I instantly begin to feel better.  Even if it’s not quite “love” that I begin to feel for my fellow drivers, at least I am more tuned into and able to respond with compassion and an honest awareness that sometimes I am not the best driver!
This is love. The action of changing our thoughts and with that being able to receive and allow more understanding or compassion to flow through us.  It does not mean that I have to love everyone.  It means that I have allowed myself to connect to the law of love (just like the law of gravity) which is always flowing through me by the way I am designed.
We are designed to love – that is why so many advertisers use puppies and babies to illicit our affection and therefore connect with their product.  When we are connected on that frequency we feel an affinity towards what we are seeing, hearing or perceiving.  Therefore, in answer to question # 2 – love is within us and flows through us at all times.  We do not need to look for it.
The irony of searching for love is that the less we look for it and the more we extend it to our fellow humans, the more we attract it.  If you are looking for a loving partner, the quickest way is to become a loving partner and remind yourself every day of who you are….perhaps change  your affirmation from “I am attracting a loving partner” to “I am a loving partner” or “I am love” and see what happens.
Question # 3:  Is love ALL all we need?  Well, of course we need food, water, shelter and warmth to survive but in essence these are the physical manifestations of love from a Universe/God that longs to provide everything we need.  If we send out love frequencies on a daily basis, we often find wonderful things in the physical world manifesting and being attracted to us.  It is much like when we smile – more times than not – it will elicit a smile from someone else.  The most wonderful thing about love is that it is contagious – and it is my hope that it will go ‘viral’ throughout this world and just as disease can spread and kill; love can spread and heal an entire society.
Decide in what form you want to be contagious in this world.  Do you want to spread  hatred, negativity and judgement or love, joy and compassion ?  Will you tune into frustration or will you tune into love?  Of course this will not happen over night, but we can begin to change little by little and so too will the world.
What I know is that when I am filled with love – even if it’s simply when I greet or get greeted at the door by my two little dogs – Francesca and Jack – that I feel good no matter what kind of day I’ve had.
I encourage you to make a list of the things that make you feel love or feel loved and make an attempt to not only simulate these experiences as much as possible for yourself, but for others and to make a conscious effort whenever a negative thought, judgement, worry or fear stomps through your mind, immediately rid yourself of it by changing your thought and frequency and tune into 101.5 – it is so much more fun than the alternative 97.5 Frustration Station…
Next Blog:  Practical exercises to raise our frequency from 97.5 to 101.5 and keep it programmed there!