Tag Archive | Debbie Ford

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Accept Yourself – the Good, the Bad & the Ugly! Part 9 of 10 Series

Woman hugging herself

What does it mean to really accept yourself?

It means to be very truthful and clear about not only your best qualities; but also your worst and still love, respect and appreciate yourself!

The adage, “the more we resist, the more it persists” is absolutely true when it comes to the sides of ourselves that we really do not want to accept.  Hence, the more we try to suppress them, hide them, avoid facing them or avoid admitting them, the more we are destined to manifest them in ourselves and in our lives.

For example, many of us identify certain character traits within ourselves that we see in our parents and as soon as we become remotely aware that we may be like our parents (what we perceive to be the not-so-great-side), we so badly do not want to become them that we resist and deny these attributes.  Hence, that’s where many of us end up – acting just like one or both of our parents.

For example, if one of our parents was unfaithful in their marriage, drank too much or was abusive, we often swear to ourselves that we will NEVER be like this.  Ironically, this very issue will creep up on us and we will find ourselves in the same predicament in our own relationships – or we will attract a partner who acts out these behaviours.

It may not happen at first; but eventually it will.  This is often called a “mid-life” crisis – it is essentially that time in our lives when we can no longer suppress the feelings or judgements that we had in our childhood about these behaviours of our parents and they resurface in order to be worked out.

My advice is to work on these emotions now – to learn to accept that as part of the human species, we are capable of being unfaithful, an alcoholic, or abusive and to focus on the feelings and judgements – justified or not – we have around these types of behaviours.  As long as we are judging our parents or hanging on to unforgiveness for what they did to our family life or to us, we will inevitably follow in their footsteps or attract similar situations to our lives.

The other adage, “we don’t like in others what we don’t like in ourselves” is true as well.  Every time we critique or have a judgement about another human being, it is always wise to ask these questions:

1.  How are we like this person?

2.  How are we ______(insert characteristic here)?

3.  When have we ever ____________?

We will soon discover that at some time in our lives, we too have demonstrated this same behaviour as the very person we are judging.  Why?  Because we are human and if we share one inexplicable quality it is this:  the ability to make mistakes and not be perfect!

I highly recommend reading Debbie Ford‘s book “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” which details how, in our pursuit to be perfect, better than others, not have any “negative” characteristics, we chase after the light – the positive side and all the while try to hide the fact that we have a dark side.  Consequently, this dark side continues to resurface within us and our lives and it is an un-ending treadmill we put ourselves on.  Her book also offers exercises on how to learn to accept all sides of ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Debbie Ford says this about getting to a point of really accepting and loving ourselves: 

“I think I would tell everybody that you have the right to love all of who you are.  The dark and the light. The good and the bad. The human and the divine. The weak and the strong. The meanness and the kindness.  The selfish and the selfless. That is why we are here. That’s real love. That’s learning to love. We’re here to learn to love all of  who we are. When we love all of who we are, we love all of who everyone else is. It’s easy to love yourself when you wake up  feeling good and you have enough money and enough health and all the things we look for. But is that even love? Our job is that stretch.  How do I love myself when I’m broke, or how do I love myself when I feel insignificant, or insecure, or angry? That is our birthright.  That’s when we return to wholeness. It is really the hardest thing a human can do – is to love all of one’s self.”

Here’s to celebrating ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly!  Hopefully, after all is said and done and we have truly embraced the fact that we are NOT perfect, we can actually laugh at ourselves.  When we can forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and our mistakes and get back up and try again, we know that we have synthesized our dark side with our light and it will be much easier for us to shine from a truly authentic part of ourselves.

It will also allow us to be less critical and judgemental of others.  Let’s be honest, we never really feel good for very long when we judge others.  When we can accept others, warts and all – we know then that we have truly learned to accept ourselves too!

Link to Debbie Ford’s website and book: 

http://store.debbieford.com/product_info.php?products_id=9

Next Post:  10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You:  Romance Yourself!  Part 10 of 10 Series…

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F.E.A.R: False Expectations Appearing Real – How to Worry Less and Follow Your Dreams! Part 4 of Top 5 Series

Mark Twain photo

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened!”  Mark Twain

Take if from a man who knows.  Mark Twain lived and wrote in a time and a place where his subject matter (racism & slavery) was not generally appreciated.  He also tried his hand at making a traditional living and then decided to quit and live his dream of being a writer, which wasn’t always easy or without its financial setbacks.  However, he persevered and is now one of the most well-loved and well-known American writers of all time.  To read more about his bio, visit: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1244.Mark_Twain

F.E.A.R:  False Expectations Appearing Real

How many of us, since our childhood have had dreams of being a writer, artist, photographer, dancer, musician or any number of creative pursuits, only to have those dreams squashed by the inevitable good intentions of a parent, teacher or authority figure with the words: “Well, you don’t want to become that!  You’ll never make a living at it!”

I wonder how many people have heard these words – or some variant of them – and how many have given up right then and there and buried those longings deep within; and how many, despite or in spite of those words, went headlong in the pursuit of their dreams just to prove that person wrong.  I don’t know about you – but I find the latter type of people – even if they weren’t all that successful – or at least not until after they were dead – much more inspiring than those who resigned themselves to a life and career that was more safe and secure.

These False Expectations – fears of what might happen – refer to the fears we have about stepping out into the canyon of our dreams.  Much like in the movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he is standing right at the edge of a huge canyon and he knows in order to get to the other side he must cross it.  However, there is no path or bridge – at least that he can see with his human eye.  He has to essentially step out first in complete faith, before the next step appears for him.

It is never easy to do this.  What if we step out and we plummet to our death?  What if we step out and fail?  This type of fear is based on false expectations – which seem very real – that we will fail.  Why do we expect to fail, however?  Where do these thoughts or beliefs come from?  We know of plenty – thousands – maybe millions – of people who have stepped out and they have succeeded – some from talent and some from sheer luck or being in the right place at the right time:   Oprah, Brittney Spears, Donald Trump – how many more?

Why do we perceive ourselves so different from these people?  They are, after all, simply human just like us.  They came into this world just like us and will leave it the same way.  Why is their journey destined to be so much more wrought with financial success or fame or living their dreams?

I am here to tell you that it is not.  One of my favourite quotations is: “Well, no one told me I couldn’t do it!  So I did it!”  The only difference between most of us longing for our lost dreams and those living them is one thing – FEAR – the false ideas and core beliefs we have about ourselves and our lives.  We tend to remain where it is comfortable and safe.

I can tell you that I have never had anything too exciting happen to me by staying comfortable or safe. Trekking off to Colombia, South America to teach when I knew no one, was not without its discomfort or danger – but I did it and it changed my entire perspective – and I wrote a book about it!  Applying and re-applying to Teacher’s College and getting rejected twice before getting my – albeit 11th hour admittance – was not comforting to my ego.  Sitting for hours and hours pouring my blood, sweat and tears into three, now almost four novels, knowing full well that I might never get published wasn’t very comfortable either.  Heading off to do missionary work for three months in a foreign country didn’t feel very safe – but the experience changed my life.  Flying to Honduras to write for a month when I barely had enough money to live – the money turned up, however – didn’t make me feel very comfortable either.  Resigning from my secure paying teaching job in a small town to brave the big city of Toronto  to teach and write where I was most happiest, wasn’t very comforting or safe – but here I am – two years later, in Toronto, writing, teaching and enjoying my life.

Is it without struggles?  No.  Have I had my faith stretched as far as it could possibly go the last few years?  Yes.  Has a job always came?  Yes.  Have I survived?  Yes.  Am I determined more than ever to be financially free to write and travel this vast world now that I have had so many caverns and canyons to cross?  Absolutely!  This is what stepping out does – either by miracle, luck or perseverance we do make it the other side – and each time, it makes us more and more fear – less!

I once read a quotation that said, “Never sit down to write, until you have the courage to stand up and live!” (Henry David Thoreau).  Hence, I am now sitting down to write – and to write with everything I have in me regarding my blog and my posts, because I have stood up and lived and I want to encourage you to do this as well.  Do I suggest quitting your job tomorrow and taking up painting?  No.  What I suggest are a few practical things:

1. Make a list of all of your False Expectations:  every fear, worry, excuse, reason as to why you shouldn’t be living your dream and why you will fail.  Then burn it, toss it, rip it up!

2.   Read Debbie Ford’s “Best Year of Your Life” and “What Colour is Your Parachute?” by Richard Nelson Bolles who states: ” Always define WHAT you want to do with your life and WHAT you have to offer to the world, in terms of your favorite talents/gifts/skills-not in terms of a job-title.”  Incidentally, he was fired from his job in 1968 and you should see what has come out of him crossing this cavern of failure to his success.  Check out his bio – well worth the read:  http://www.first30days.com/experts/richard-nelson-bolles

3.  Make a plan of what your dreams or goals are – go revisit your childhood – your inner child will tell you exactly what those dreams were.

4.  Simplify Your Life – get rid of all the things, ideas and even people (especially toxic and negative ones) that are cluttering your life and holding you back!

5.  Then put all of your energy into what you love – or all of your spare energy until things begin to start opening up for you.  Since I began this blog and really focusing on writing – and writing the things that I am most passionate about – which is everything I have learned through my education, experience, people, setbacks and successes – my writing, my creativity, my inspiration and opportunities have opened up exponentially for me.  Just today, without even asking for it, I was asked if I’d like to teach a Writer’s Craft Course, which I have been longing to do for over five years.

6.  Then figure out how your dreams will meet the needs of the world.  Service to others and making this world a better place for others while also nurturing your dreams is the best way to watch the Universe open its doors to you!

Leap of Faith (Indiana Jones)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_-BOvWVycM

Remember:  W.O.R.R.Y.    Wondering Obsessively Rarely Reaps Your…Dreams!

Next Post:  F.E.A.R:  Forgetting Everything is All Right – How to Have More Faith!

10 Things Your Authentic Self Has To Tell You: Love Yourself! Part 3 of 10 Series

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Have you ever kissed or hugged yourself?  Did you know that doing these two things can actually open your heart chakra (http://www.healer.ch/Chakras-e.html ) and physically help you to feel more loving towards yourself and others.

We all know the “cliché” (it’s only a cliché because it’s true!) that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.  This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first.  How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Even Jesus understood this basic premise – he fed people before he preached to them because he knew he must first show his love (feeding someone is one of the most wonderful acts of love towards humanity) to his listeners and in return they would be open to his loving message.

However, how do we love ourselves when most days we don’t always feel that great about ourselves or our lives?  I will end this blog with a great video by Louise Hay about how to begin feeling love towards ourselves and how to practice loving ourselves.

 Top FIVE Experts on Loving Yourself:

1.  Jesus said of loving yourself:

“And the Commandment is Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”  (Mark 12:31)

Of course Jesus was saying that we must love others, but most importantly he mentions that we must love them like we love ourselves which he understood is really the most important aspect of being able to give and receive love.  We cannot give or receive love from anyone unless we understand what it is to love ourselves.

2.  Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) on loving yourself:

“To truly love yourself you must cultivate honest self-awareness, unconditional self-acceptance and courageous self-expression. When you do this, you will experience true joy.”

3. The Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

4.  Debbie Ford on loving yourself (the good, the bad and the ugly):

“I think I would tell everybody that you have the right to love all of who you are.  The dark and the light. The good and the bad. The human and the divine. The weak and the strong. The meanness and the kindness.  The selfish and the selfless. That is why we are here. That’s real love. That’s learning to love. We’re here to learn to love all of  who we are. When we love all of who we are, we love all of who everyone else is. It’s easy to love yourself when you wake up  feeling good and you have enough money and enough health and all the things we look for. But is that even love? Our job is that stretch.  How do I love myself when I’m broke, or how do I love myself when I feel insignificant, or insecure, or angry? That is our birthright.  That’s when we return to wholeness. It is really the hardest thing a human can do – is to love all of one’s self.”

5.  Louise Hay on Loving Yourself:

Louise Hay  is the pioneer teacher of how to love yourself and in the video below you can listen to her explain about how important and powerful loving yourself is: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI0IvcjWSww&feature=player_embedded

***May you spend the rest of day feeling love for yourself – remember it is not so much a feeling, but a vibrational frequency that you can tune in to whenever you choose – dial into the Love Station 101.5 and keep it programmed in your mind!

Next Blog:  Top Five Experts on How to Attract More Love to Your Life…

Listen – Live Interview – How YOU can Begin Living a Life Of Vibrant Energy!

LISTEN TO TANYA M. COOPER:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lizyt/2014/11/25/tanya-m-cooper-author

LOVE Cover

Please check out Tanya’s latest book which is a compilation of all of my posts within this blog at the following sites:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/tanya-m-cooper?store=allproducts&keyword=tanya++m+cooper

http://www.publishamerica.net/product53922.html

How can you live your own Renaissance?

1.  Change Your Perspective:

     The Mystery of Mona Lisa:

“When the viewer looks directly at [her] mouth…the fovea{of our eye] does not pick up the shadows, and the portrait no longer appears to be smiling.  Therefore, the appearance and disappearance of her smile really is an attribute of viewers’ vision. This is one of the reasons why the painting has remained an enigma to art enthusiasts and perhaps the most famous painting in the world.” http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-mystery-behind-the-mona-lisa.htm

Another example is the pigeon; it’s head continually sways from front to back so that when its head is in backward motion, the pigeon is re-aligning its vision in order to see what is ahead of it.  We need to do this on a continual basis as well – step back from a person, decision, situation – in order to gain a fresh perspective on it and in many ways, this results in fresh solutions or actions that we begin to realize we can take regarding any situation in our lives.

2.  Think differently:  This is similar to gaining a new perspective but it entails actually training ourselves to catch the bombardment of negatives thoughts we have, when we have them and to cancel them and exchange them for more hopeful, insightful ones.  This isn’t always easy.  Read my posts under Re-programming Our Subconscious Mind for practical ways to do this.

3.  Change Your Words:  We begin with our words and then match our vibrational energy – how we feel about the words and their overall message or meaning – to them. For example words such as joy, pleasure, fun, happiness, wealth have a much higher vibrational energy than words such as sadness, fine, okay, bad, depressed, debt. Essentially, we create our lives and the things in it by sending out certain vibrational words and thoughts. This is why it is SO important not just to say your affirmations but to feel and visualize you feeling the joy of success, or having the job or relationship you want.  Please refer to my posts under Affirmations & Manifestations.

4.  Stop Trying to Force Things:  While I am convinced that the more we begin to think, speak and act positively and raise our vibrational level, the more we will begin to feel better and manifest things in our lives; I too, recognize that we must not overwork ourselves at it either. Otherwise, we can also create negative effects by putting too much pressure on ourselves and actually manifest something we do not really want or need.  Please refer to my posts under Affirmations & Manifestations.

5.  Keep Health at the Top:  Always include a reference to your health. Our subconscious at the very base level, is most concerned with our health and survival. Hence, it automatically keeps all of our internal organs working, our heart beating and our brain active even when we are asleep. So when we pair whatever we desire with the fact that having it will bring about a more peaceful or joyful or healthy existence for us, our subconscious works even harder to bring it about.  Here is my example:  It is EASY, HEALTHY and JOYFUL for me NOW to be financially FREE to TRAVEL and to WRITE! Thank you!  Please refer to my posts under Health & Healing.

6.  Stop Settling for Second Best: When we settle for less than what we want, it’s because we do not have enough faith to believe we can and will get exactly what we ask for.  Hence, we usually end up with less than what we had hoped for.  Choose what you want and keep your focus on it! Please refer to my posts under Prosperity.

7.  Avoid Toxic or Negative People:  If there are people in your life who negate what you think, believe or aspire to – these people do not share your positive energy and will most definitely create, if not in your life, then in your own consciousness a seed of doubt which inevitably, despite our best efforts can lead to a full-fledged weed within our minds. Avoid people like this. Obviously people mean well and want to give you advice. However, while humans cannot open certain doors that the Universe can; humans too can keep doors shut with their own minds that the Universe cannot open. Be wary of the company you keep and the thoughts that you entertain!  Please refer to my posts under Love & Relationships and Fear.

8.  Align Your Actions with Your Words:  Another obstacle lies not in our words but our actions. For example, if we steal anything there is a strong message to the Universe that we cannot afford to buy things. If we borrow or use the copier at work for personal items, it sends the same message. We must live a life of the utmost integrity to send the utmost positive messages to the Universe that we can afford and believe we deserve the very best.  Please refer to my posts regarding Affirmations and Manifestations.

9.  Be Grateful:  Every day, we need to give thanks for what we have and to focus on that; not on our lack.  For example, if we are awaiting something to manifest in our lives, we need to rejoice in the things that have already happened and the things that are about to happen. What I want to stress is that once things begin to flow in our lives, we must rejoice in them and we can also utilize them to convince our subconscious that we indeed receive the things in which we need and for which we ask. It is not always easy to be patient and keep our faith in-the-meantime; however, if we focus on the times in our lives and the things that have manifested, we are better equipped to handle those times that it appears nothing is happening.  Please refer to my posts regarding Gratitude.

10. Love: Thoughts of love (not necessarily the romantic kind, but rather love as in pure appreciation) vibrate higher than any other emotion. Period. You (in your non-physical form) are essentially unlimited love, joy, and abundance. Everything that everyone wants in their life is because they think it will give them a taste of these things – love, freedom, and joy.

The basis of your life is freedom.

The purpose of your life is joy.

That is why you are here. So find something, anything that you love and fixate completely on it for a few minutes. It doesn’t matter what the object of your love is – just feeling the emotion purely will raise your vibration.

For further reading on any of these topics, please refer to the right sidebar Topics of Interest.