Tag Archive | Debbie Ford

10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Accept Yourself – the Good, the Bad & the Ugly! Part 9 of 10 Series

What does it mean to really accept yourself?

It means to be very truthful and clear about not only your best qualities; but also your worst and still love, respect and appreciate yourself!

The adage, “the more we resist, the more it persists” is absolutely true when it comes to the sides of ourselves that we really do not want to accept. Hence, the more we try to suppress them, hide them, avoid facing them or avoid admitting them, the more we are destined to manifest them in ourselves and in our lives.

For example, many of us identify certain character traits within ourselves that we see in our parents and as soon as we become remotely aware that we may be like our parents (what we perceive to be the not-so-great-side), we so badly do not want to become them that we resist and deny these attributes. Hence, that’s where many of us end up – acting just like one or both of our parents.

For example, if one of our parents was unfaithful in their marriage, drank too much or was abusive, we often swear to ourselves that we will NEVER be like this. Ironically, this very issue will creep up on us and we will find ourselves in the same predicament in our own relationships – or we will attract a partner who acts out these behaviours.

It may not happen at first; but eventually it will. This is often called a “mid-life” crisis – it is essentially that time in our lives when we can no longer suppress the feelings or judgements that we had in our childhood about these behaviours of our parents and they resurface in order to be worked out.

My advice is to work on these emotions now – to learn to accept that as part of the human species, we are capable of being unfaithful, an alcoholic, or abusive and to focus on the feelings and judgements – justified or not – we have around these types of behaviours. As long as we are judging our parents or hanging on to unforgiveness for what they did to our family life or to us, we will inevitably follow in their footsteps or attract similar situations to our lives.

The other adage, “we don’t like in others what we don’t like in ourselves” is true as well. Every time we critique or have a judgement about another human being, it is always wise to ask these questions:

1. How are we like this person?

2. How are we ______(insert characteristic here)?

3. When have we ever ____________?

We will soon discover that at some time in our lives, we too have demonstrated this same behaviour as the very person we are judging. Why? Because we are human and if we share one inexplicable quality it is this: the ability to make mistakes and not be perfect!

I highly recommend reading Debbie Ford‘s book “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” which details how, in our pursuit to be perfect, better than others, not have any “negative” characteristics, we chase after the light – the positive side and all the while try to hide the fact that we have a dark side. Consequently, this dark side continues to resurface within us and our lives and it is an un-ending treadmill we put ourselves on. Her book also offers exercises on how to learn to accept all sides of ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Debbie Ford says this about getting to a point of really accepting and loving ourselves:

“I think I would tell everybody that you have the right to love all of who you are. The dark and the light. The good and the bad. The human and the divine. The weak and the strong. The meanness and the kindness. The selfish and the selfless. That is why we are here. That’s real love. That’s learning to love. We’re here to learn to love all of who we are. When we love all of who we are, we love all of who everyone else is. It’s easy to love yourself when you wake up feeling good and you have enough money and enough health and all the things we look for. But is that even love? Our job is that stretch. How do I love myself when I’m broke, or how do I love myself when I feel insignificant, or insecure, or angry? That is our birthright. That’s when we return to wholeness. It is really the hardest thing a human can do – is to love all of one’s self.”

Here’s to celebrating ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly! Hopefully, after all is said and done and we have truly embraced the fact that we are NOT perfect, we can actually laugh at ourselves. When we can forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and our mistakes and get back up and try again, we know that we have synthesized our dark side with our light and it will be much easier for us to shine from a truly authentic part of ourselves.

It will also allow us to be less critical and judgemental of others. Let’s be honest, we never really feel good for very long when we judge others. When we can accept others, warts and all – we know then that we have truly learned to accept ourselves too!

Link to Debbie Ford’s website and book:

http://store.debbieford.com/product_info.php?products_id=9

Next Post: 10 Things Your Authentic Self Wants to Tell You: Romance Yourself! Part 10 of 10 Series…

F.E.A.R: False Expectations Appearing Real – How to Worry Less and Follow Your Dreams! Part 4 of Top 5 Series

Jan24

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened!” Mark Twain

Take if from a man who knows. Mark Twain lived and wrote in a time and a place where his subject matter (racism & slavery) was not generally appreciated. He also tried his hand at making a traditional living and then decided to quit and live his dream of being a writer, which wasn’t always easy or without its financial setbacks. However, he persevered and is now one of the most well-loved and well-known American writers of all time. To read more about his bio, visit: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1244.Mark_Twain

F.E.A.R: False Expectations Appearing Real

How many of us, since our childhood have had dreams of being a writer, artist, photographer, dancer, musician or any number of creative pursuits, only to have those dreams squashed by the inevitable good intentions of a parent, teacher or authority figure with the words: “Well, you don’t want to become that! You’ll never make a living at it!”

I wonder how many people have heard these words – or some variant of them – and how many have given up right then and there and buried those longings deep within; and how many, despite or in spite of those words, went headlong in the pursuit of their dreams just to prove that person wrong. I don’t know about you – but I find the latter type of people – even if they weren’t all that successful – or at least not until after they were dead – much more inspiring than those who resigned themselves to a life and career that was more safe and secure.

These False Expectations – fears of what might happen – refer to the fears we have about stepping out into the canyon of our dreams. Much like in the movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he is standing right at the edge of a huge canyon and he knows in order to get to the other side he must cross it. However, there is no path or bridge – at least that he can see with his human eye. He has to essentially step out first in complete faith, before the next step appears for him.

It is never easy to do this. What if we step out and we plummet to our death? What if we step out and fail? This type of fear is based on false expectations – which seem very real – that we will fail. Why do we expect to fail, however? Where do these thoughts or beliefs come from? We know of plenty – thousands – maybe millions – of people who have stepped out and they have succeeded – some from talent and some from sheer luck or being in the right place at the right time: Oprah, Brittney Spears, Donald Trump – how many more?

Why do we perceive ourselves so different from these people? They are, after all, simply human just like us. They came into this world just like us and will leave it the same way. Why is their journey destined to be so much more wrought with financial success or fame or living their dreams?

I am here to tell you that it is not. One of my favourite quotations is: “Well, no one told me I couldn’t do it! So I did it!” The only difference between most of us longing for our lost dreams and those living them is one thing – FEAR – the false ideas and core beliefs we have about ourselves and our lives. We tend to remain where it is comfortable and safe.

I can tell you that I have never had anything too exciting happen to me by staying comfortable or safe. Trekking off to Colombia, South America to teach when I knew no one, was not without its discomfort or danger – but I did it and it changed my entire perspective – and I wrote a book about it! Applying and re-applying to Teacher’s College and getting rejected twice before getting my – albeit 11th hour admittance – was not comforting to my ego. Sitting for hours and hours pouring my blood, sweat and tears into three, now almost four novels, knowing full well that I might never get published wasn’t very comfortable either. Heading off to do missionary work for three months in a foreign country didn’t feel very safe – but the experience changed my life. Flying to Honduras to write for a month when I barely had enough money to live – the money turned up, however – didn’t make me feel very comfortable either. Resigning from my secure paying teaching job in a small town to brave the big city of Toronto to teach and write where I was most happiest, wasn’t very comforting or safe – but here I am – two years later, in Toronto, writing, teaching and enjoying my life.

Is it without struggles? No. Have I had my faith stretched as far as it could possibly go the last few years? Yes. Has a job always came? Yes. Have I survived? Yes. Am I determined more than ever to be financially free to write and travel this vast world now that I have had so many caverns and canyons to cross? Absolutely! This is what stepping out does – either by miracle, luck or perseverance we do make it the other side – and each time, it makes us more and more fear – less!

I once read a quotation that said, “Never sit down to write, until you have the courage to stand up and live!” (Henry David Thoreau). Hence, I am now sitting down to write – and to write with everything I have in me regarding my blog and my posts, because I have stood up and lived and I want to encourage you to do this as well. Do I suggest quitting your job tomorrow and taking up painting? No. What I suggest are a few practical things:

1. Make a list of all of your False Expectations: every fear, worry, excuse, reason as to why you shouldn’t be living your dream and why you will fail. Then burn it, toss it, rip it up!

2. Read Debbie Ford’s “Best Year of Your Life” and “What Colour is Your Parachute?” by Richard Nelson Bolles who states: ” Always define WHAT you want to do with your life and WHAT you have to offer to the world, in terms of your favorite talents/gifts/skills-not in terms of a job-title.” Incidentally, he was fired from his job in 1968 and you should see what has come out of him crossing this cavern of failure to his success. Check out his bio – well worth the read: http://www.first30days.com/experts/richard-nelson-bolles

3. Make a plan of what your dreams or goals are – go revisit your childhood – your inner child will tell you exactly what those dreams were.

4. Simplify Your Life – get rid of all the things, ideas and even people (especially toxic and negative ones) that are cluttering your life and holding you back!

5. Then put all of your energy into what you love – or all of your spare energy until things begin to start opening up for you. Since I began this blog and really focusing on writing – and writing the things that I am most passionate about – which is everything I have learned through my education, experience, people, setbacks and successes – my writing, my creativity, my inspiration and opportunities have opened up exponentially for me. Just today, without even asking for it, I was asked if I’d like to teach a Writer’s Craft Course, which I have been longing to do for over five years.

6. Then figure out how your dreams will meet the needs of the world. Service to others and making this world a better place for others while also nurturing your dreams is the best way to watch the Universe open its doors to you!

Leap of Faith (Indiana Jones) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_-BOvWVycM

Remember: W.O.R.R.Y. Wondering Obsessively Rarely Reaps Your…Dreams!

Next Post: F.E.A.R: Forgetting Everything is All Right – How to Have More Faith!

10 Things Your Authentic Self Has To Tell You: Love Yourself! Part 3 of 10 Series

Jan5

Have you ever kissed or hugged yourself? Did you know that doing these two things can actually open your heart chakra (http://www.healer.ch/Chakras-e.html ) and physically help you to feel more loving towards yourself and others.

We all know the “cliché” (it’s only a cliché because it’s true!) that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves. This is based on the premise that one cannot give what one does not have first. How on earth can we share a loaf of bread with others if we first do not make sure we reach out and accept this loaf of bread for ourselves?

Even Jesus understood this basic premise – he fed people before he preached to them because he knew he must first show his love (feeding someone is one of the most wonderful acts of love towards humanity) to his listeners and in return they would be open to his loving message.

However, how do we love ourselves when most days we don’t always feel that great about ourselves or our lives? I will end this blog with a great video by Louise Hay about how to begin feeling love towards ourselves and how to practice loving ourselves.

Top FIVE Experts on Loving Yourself:

1. Jesus said of loving yourself:

“And the Commandment is Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31)

Of course Jesus was saying that we must love others, but most importantly he mentions that we must love them like we love ourselves which he understood is really the most important aspect of being able to give and receive love. We cannot give or receive love from anyone unless we understand what it is to love ourselves.

2. Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) on loving yourself:

“To truly love yourself you must cultivate honest self-awareness, unconditional self-acceptance and courageous self-expression. When you do this, you will experience true joy.”

3. The Buddha on loving yourself:

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

4. Debbie Ford on loving yourself (the good, the bad and the ugly):

5. Louise Hay on Loving Yourself:

Louise Hay is the pioneer teacher of how to love yourself and in the video below you can listen to her explain about how important and powerful loving yourself is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI0IvcjWSww&feature=player_embedded

***May you spend the rest of day feeling love for yourself – remember it is not so much a feeling, but a vibrational frequency that you can tune in to whenever you choose – dial into the Love Station 101.5 and keep it programmed in your mind!

Next Blog: Top Five Experts on How to Attract More Love to Your Life…